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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU- me or neighbour?

355 replies

SmashingBumpkins · 02/03/2016 10:09

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/03/2016 09:51

My next door neighbours seems to starts work at different times but a few times a week she leaves at six. If it's icy she will slam all the doors it sounds like then go start the car to De ice it. Then go back in and slam all the doors again before she leaves and in the meantime her two alsations are barking none stop (which they do 60% of the day at least, some more) This in turn then makes my dog start barking so if hers or the door slamming didn't wake us then her barking does. It drives me up the wall but what can you do!

If you can't do your hair the night before, or put it up those days or use dry shampoo then you need to dry it and she will just need to deal with it. I'm sure there's something she does that bugs you (mines is probably the kids shouting at each other occasionally, that you suck up)

PollyPurple · 03/03/2016 10:05

YANBU.

Living in this kind of semi detached property needs a bit of give and take.

I don't think the sound of a hairdryer would carry through that much. I'm sure as your neighbour now knows your routine, she's probably more noise aware and it's something really, she needs to live with.

I also live in this kind of property. I can hear my neighbours microwave, extractor fan, tv, kitchen cupboards shutting, I can hear them coughing, laughing, sneezing etc etc That's part of living in a badly insulated house, in fact, if I had my time again I would never have bought this house because of this very reason but I've learned to live with it.

I don't think it's reasonable to mention something like being able to hear your hair dryer and then expect you to do something about it, think tbh this is just the tip of the iceberg and it wouldn't surprise me if they sit behind their cardboard walls seething at every noise they hear. It's not as if you're purposely playing music loud, doing diy at 6am, to me, drying hair is an essential part of day to day living.

SooBee61 · 03/03/2016 10:11

PS I've often wondered why hairdryers have to be so darn noisy. Going to the hairdressers is like an assault course for me! I dread it.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 03/03/2016 10:19

Just think about how you would feel if you were her and act accordingly. Entitlement does not equal manners and kindness. I'm sure you can find somewhere else to dry your hair. An extension cord into the ensuite? Dog in kitchen you I'm living room? Train dog not to react? Buy a super quiet hairdryer?

ProphetOfDoom · 03/03/2016 11:42

YANBU

MackerelOfFact · 03/03/2016 13:16

Just think about how you would feel if you were her and act accordingly.

The thing is, a lot of people DO know it feels to be in her situation because it's completely normal part of life for the majority of people who live in a terraced/semi/flat. And these are the very people saying OP isn't being unreasonable!

The neighbour is expecting detached property noise levels when she lives in a terrace/semi. OP is using a hairdryer, not a frigging chainsaw.

takeiteasybuttakeit · 03/03/2016 13:44

I don't think its a question of who is being unreasonable - if you get on with this woman and want to maintain easy relations with your neighbour I'm sure you can modify what you're doing in some way. It is fair enough for her to let you know you're waking her up, and 6 am could well be very early for her. Tbh, you sound as if you can't really be bothered looking into making a small change in how, where and when you deal with your hair and I really think you should. Your DH sounds very aggressive!

Itsallabitwoowoo · 03/03/2016 14:13

I too have frizzy hair that I can't wash the night before. I have a Babyliss Big Hair styler (got like a rotating brush on the end). You leave your hair until nearly dry and then use it (so it's quite quick). I just tried it and it's quieter than my hairdryer. I can't tell you how good it is - it really has "changed my life"!!!

thebiscuitindustry · 03/03/2016 14:26

Would this do the trick?

Janey50 · 03/03/2016 14:54

Blimey! How loud is your hairdryer? Am intrigued that your next door neighbour can hear it.

MissMooMoo · 03/03/2016 14:58

Cant your DH get up and take the dog on a run at 6am the 2 days you use the hair dryer? Then you could use the living room and everyone including the dog would be happy.

Mrsw28 · 03/03/2016 15:01

YANBU. Your neighbour can't expect to dictate to you when you blow dry your hair. It's a tad annoying for them if they can hear it, but you've already said you don't do it at the weekend and you shower at the gym at least 3 times a week, that leaves two mornings a week they might hear your hair dryer.

I live in a semi detached house, all the walls are solid though the thinnest wall seems to be the party wall Hmm our neighbour screams and shouts at his kids (4 of them ranging from toddler to year six) and the puppy and his partner all hours of the day, really loudly, using foul language. I wouldn't go knocking on his door or mentioning it in the street if I saw him because it's not my place to tell him that if he has to shout, can he please do it on the other side of the house.

For those of you who may worry about the kids next door, if I thought it was necessary I would of course call the authorities.

MrsCampbellBlack · 03/03/2016 15:10

I don't think this is anything to do with a hairdrier. They've heard you having sex and she is trying to alert you to that in a tactful way Wink

And if it is really about a hairdrier - well them's the breaks. I mean ocado deliver from 6am and I could imagine that may wake people up but I don't see councils stopping them from doing that.

Original poster
SmashingBumpkins · 03/03/2016 15:54

stop drying your hair at 6 am and have rampous sex instead. manufacture bumping into her at the shops again and let us know what she says now

Grin
OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 03/03/2016 18:26

Well, it doesn't really matter if the world and his dog gets up at 05.00am in order to commute to work it would appear that your neighbour doesn't and that something you're doing is disturbing her. She has very politely mentioned this to you and so now your choice is to try and minimise the disturbance or carry on as you are ( and say " f**k you to her). I used to have a neighbour in an upstairs flat who used to pray every morning before sunrise which in the summer was before 05.00am and it used to drive me insane ( I can only imagine he had his head on the floor😳) If it was me I'd give myself a couple of days off from washing my damn hair and have an extra snooze

TheOddity · 03/03/2016 19:01

I think I'd be tempted to ever so politely give her some earplugs and tell her you researched silent hair dryers and they cost £94.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 03/03/2016 19:09

Paper thin walls ??!! She will be asking you to switch your tv off at 9pm next. Pop a pair or ear plugs through her door with a copy of houses for sale mag .........ensuring you ring only the detached properties 😆

Butters1978 · 03/03/2016 19:15

Just wash your hair at night ..

oldlaundbooth · 03/03/2016 19:24

The cheek of some folk.

Use your hairdryer when you damn well like, OP.

And don't talk to your neighbors again!!!

oldlaundbooth · 03/03/2016 19:25

'Oh come on OP, can't you just shave your head?'

^ Grin

oldlaundbooth · 03/03/2016 19:26

I think I'd be ever so tempted to very politely tell her to FUCK OFF.

Liara · 03/03/2016 19:27

Smashing, I have hair like yours.

Make yours, and your neighbours' life infinitely better by getting it straightened permanently (I swear by Yuko, but there are other methods).

I mean it. You wash your hair, step out of the shower, do absolutely nothing at all to it, and by the time you are dressed and have had a cup of tea it will look like it's straight out of a salon.

Or you can wash it at night, go to sleep with it wet, wake up, run a comb through it and be ready for a photoshoot. I'm not exaggerating.

It costs a bloody fortune (at least when you have hair as thick and long as mine) but it is worth every single penny. I have gained hours and hours of my life back since I started doing it regularly (was a slave to the hair straighteners before).

Lostinmysoul · 03/03/2016 19:28

I only got about 3/4 of the way through, but the simplest solution is to change your routine fractionally and dry your hair in the living room while your DH is out with the dog. I would be pissed off if you were my NDN, and similarly, I would never make unnecessary noise before 7am out of courtesy to my NDN. It's give and take.

Buckinbronco · 03/03/2016 19:30

Bloody hell. I'm buggered if my neighbours are going to dictate when I can and can't do everyday chores and tasks. I can't believe anyone would be wet enough to allow that

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