Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

But surely if your walls are that thin your alarm clock has already woken them up?

Our neighbour enthusiastically rakes her fire every evening FOR TEN WHOLE MINUTES which we can hear through our party wall, but it's her routine and you know what, we chose a semi. So did she.

I don't believe your personal hygiene should be compromised because your neighbour isn't up. She could, for example, wear earplugs.

NB I have a cockerel, gifted from the next door neighbour. We're not too fussy about noise.

Also passive aggressive mentions of things that irritate should be ignored period. If they can't actually have a proper convo they clearly are going to bitch and whine regardless of what you do. At least you are giving them some fuel for their whingy fire.

Surely that's your answer? Dry your hair whilst he's taking the dog out.
If you want to be neighbourly.
Unless you don't.

Maybe the actual reason she said it was a subtle way of telling you she can hear what goes on in the bedroom! 😉

Havnt read the full thread so sorry if this has been mentioned...

I would put the dog in the room where you usually do it and then do your hair in the living room

Oh how ridiculous! I've lived in flats and terraced housing for decades. I've got up for work and blow dried my hair for years and no one has ever complained.

It's part of "normal" living. Most people live in close proximity to others.

My upstairs neighbour works an early shift and gets up at 5 am alternate weeks. His bathroom is directly above my bedroom. I sometimes wake up when he uses the loo or has a shower. Should I ask him to wash in a tub in the living room away from my bedroom?

On his lie in week me and dd are up at 6.45 making breakfast, showering etc. Swings and roundabouts. Live and let live!

You don't have morning sex do you OP? Because I'm tempted to mention the 'hairdryer' reason to my neighbour in the hope she clocks that if I can hear her drying then I can hear her loud sexing.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable, just your husband for being so dismissive which is never constructive. She has an issue, she asks you, she doesn't yell or create or do an anon note.

For the sake of neighbourly relations, I'd move to the other room while your husband is walking the dog. I wouldn't conceed if she starts making hints about more and more but I would see it that since I'd given some then she owes me when she has a loud party or visitors.

Sorry but I'm really shocked now many people think it's OK for your neigh our to complain. It's not an unreasonable noise I wash my hair everyday and to be honest it takes a lot or juggling with DD, dog and mine and husbands working hours to fit it in so it'll happen when I can, so unless my neighbour was gonna pop round and help out she'd have to lump it. That being said if I was aware I would on every occasion I could try to do it at a more sociable hour.

Unreasonable people like the neighbour need people like that so they can get their own way all the time waterlily. Then so many people do as they tell them to they come to expect that all they have to do is tell OP not to dry her hair and it happens. I hate people like ops neighbour.

waterlily200 we have no idea how loud the hairdryer actually is, some are very loud and powerful, combine that with thin walls and it's a bad recipe. Someone up thread mentioned that their neighbour asked if she could hear his wife's hair dryer because he thought it sounded like a plane engine.

It's fine for the neighbour to mention it to OP, why should she if it bothers her? She's not complaining to the council or n estate agent or anything. Just like OP wouldn't be unreasonable to mention if anything bothers her in the future.

Personally I would just use earplug, I do for shreiky next door, but I know some people can't.

YANBU.

You need to go to work; you need to dry your hair; it's not like you're mowing your lawn for 40 minutes at 6am.

Such is life.

No one in the right mind would seriously mistake a hairdryer for a plane engine. He was jesting teal

Well yes but he obviously found it very loud to seriously ask his neighbour if she had concerns. My neighbours hairdryer isn't luckily, I'm sure mine is the loud one, but some hairdryers are and if you keep a neighbour sweet on this occasion you should be able to get them to be sweet for you in the future. and if you they won't then you think fuck it

Good neighbours are worth a lot. I plug mine In downstairs in the cloakroom and have a travel one in the car. That way I can dry my hair while my DS gets ready for school or between childcare and work.So yes it's ok to lug it in somewhere other than upstairs in the bathroom or bedroom. Do whTever suits your life best. X

Some of the posters (and OP's DH) are ever so slightly overreacting in their aggression towards neighbour, who only politely mentioned the noise as part of a friendly conversation. She did not send them passive aggressive notes, sic the council, police, or neighbourhood watch on them, have a revenge house party at 2am, take up violin, or shit in their garden. Just happened to informally raise a concern for the OP to do with as she will.

Those of you who are suggesting OP 'never speaks to them again,' or 'tells them to FUCK OFF,' need to take a chill pill or five!

The real question is how to live in a harmonious way so that you can do your hairdrying and she can get her sleep at 6.00 in the morning.
My son used to use this stuff when he lived with us in a tiny 2 bed house so that he wouldn't disturb us while playing the guitar at unsocial hours. It isn't expensive and it helps keep everyone happy - acoustic sound proofing foam tiles rated to be fire safe. I'm guessing some soundproofing might be beneficial anyway because if they can hear your hiardryer and you can hear their phone they might be able to hear any 'bedroom activity' noises too and some extra privacy might be nice for all of you.
www.anyfoam.co.uk/acoustic-sound-proofing-foam.php?gclid=CPe8i866pcsCFbEW0wodrKwGeQ

Not read the whole thread as an so shocked at the amount of people on page 1 saying YABU!! 6am is not early for many people who have jobs! Get a bloody life some of you! Keep drying your hair!!

Well, according to environmental health regulations, 6 am counts as antisocial hours. And yes, a lot of people with jobs are awake at that time. And some people with jobs get home at 2 am or get up at 4 am. They are still antisocial hours.

YANBU
IMO 6am isn't particularly early to be getting ready, a hairdryer is not a particularly annoying, loud or excessive noise (unlike for example, hammering nails in or a dog barking) and unless your hair is down to your knees, it probably doesn't take more than half an hour.
I don't think she was BU to mention it either though- it bothered her so she was asking you in the hopes that you could easily switch your routine around a bit. Unfortunately, that obviously isn't possible so she might have to alter hers instead e.g. Wear earplugs.
Your partner on the other hand, sounds a bit of an ass a lot like mine.

"Well, according to environmental health regulations, 6 am counts as antisocial hours. "

And neighbour noise has been held to not be a nuisance....

*Neighbour household noise

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable at the moment but if you carry on drying hair In bedroom at 6 am knowing it wakes them up yabu. Can u let the dog out for 10 mins while you dry your hair downatairs

PseudoBadger - totally fair comment. I was only really arguing with the comment saying that 6 am wasn't early and anyone who thought it was should 'get a life'.

Yes you're being selfish and as another poster has said, you risk retaliation and at the least a very soured relationship with your neighbour. Sounds like she told you in the nicest way she could too. As for 6 am being a standard wake up time, rubbish.

The vast majority of people I know get up between 6 and 7 on week days. I wonder how many people rubbish it as a standard wake up time?