by not giving my husband money for train fare?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

DH is 30. (I am just telling you this so that you don't read the following and assume I have inadvertently married a toddler and am expecting too much of him). He has a monthly train pass which allows him to travel from our village to the town where he works and does his hobby, and back again. It's not ridiculously expensive but isn't free either! He has lost the ticket part somehow so currently only has the card with his photo and number on, which isn't valid for travel without the ticket (although most ticket officers will look up the number on the system and let you off anyway). He has his hobby this evening so needs to get the train and has demanded that I give him money for train fare. This is because he doesn't have a bank card either and hasn't for months because (yes, you guessed it!) he has lost it!

I have refused. I'm sick of it. Just to give a bit of history and hopefully avoid any drip-feeding, this is not the first time he's done this. He loses EVERYTHING. He has lost several phones in the nine years we've been together, several bank cards, ID cards, etc, etc. He loses things at home too and just expects me to know where they are. Any time he needs to pay for something he just expects me to give him cash or my bank card. I have had enough. I'm a SAHM so technically it's mainly 'his' money, but he can't actually spend it without pestering me. It's driving me mad.. AIBU to have told him that he can either find his train pass or go without because I'm not bailing him out like this anymore?

Child is as child does, maybe?

He is BEHAVING like a child. He is not taking ANY responsibility for himself.

I've lost that many bank cards. So I got a natwest app that allows me to take cash with a code on my phone. Win.

In all seriousNess consider dyspraxia. It's as common as dyslexia and many have never heard of it before.
It helps my OH know that it's not a plot on my part when i lose keys/wallet/phone, lock myself out/ miss my stop/merge dates and events/forget why I went upstairs/leave lids off things.... sigh

Dyspraxiafoundation.org

I'd just like to point out to the people who didnt read the thread properly.

OP has account for CB and CTC.
DH has account for wages and WTC.
They dont use joint account as have own accounts.

DH lost card to his own account with his own money in and is asking for OP's smaller amount of money that is for their children. So not his money at all.

Is that clearer now?

Most mobile phone banking apps will give you the option of either replacing a card or a pin (not both) from the app and you will receive it in the post in a few days.

failing that, some banks (nationwide) can give you a unique pin in the mean time to access your account at an ATM to withdraw money.

If your DH has gone longer than a week without a card he has lost and hasn't replaced it, he is incompetent and you are well within reason not to enable him. He needs to be an adult.

I think you should sit down and lay out the law. You will not bail him out anymore because he fails at being responsible for his own stuff.

Fucksake. I had dyspraxia before the term had ever been dreamt up. As an adult you have to work out coping systems (or for a start, you probably lose your job).

You know what the big revelation is that I'm passing onto DS1, as best as I can? The simple mantra of "a place for everything and everything in its place."

I'm not naturally tidy. DH is not naturally tidy. DS1 can't even visualise tidy in any terms other than "not everyone else's mess". Things get lost, they get looked for, they get found and life moves on without a single misplaced headtilt.

(and, hopefully, DS1 brings his coat home from school, tomorrow)

As an adult you have to work out coping systems (or for a start, you probably lose your job).

EXACTLY. Op's DH is quite capable of doing his job well enough not to get sacked, and probably does his hobby to the best of his abilities.

It's just when it comes to boring everyday things that he can't be bothered, and expects his wife to pick up the slack. After all, she sits on her bum all day looking after THEIR home and THEIR kids. She clearly has nothing better to do than run around after him.

He's not dyspraxic, he's a selfish lazy entitled twunt.

He loses EVERYTHING. He has lost several phones in the nine years we've been together, several bank cards, ID cards, etc, etc

Then why have 3 babies with such a twunt?

You put up with this behaviour and then keep having babies with him, no wonder he thinks he can carry on with his stupidity

Do you have a hobby and if not why not. I have changed my mind on this one isn't relationships about team work. I understand your frustration you are at home with the kids everyday I know the feeling. You need support as well as him it's not easy being a mum and it's not easy being a dad. As your children start to grow you will find things a lot easier.