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AIBU?

To not attend my daughter's wedding

431 replies

lastkisstoo · 28/02/2016 22:02

My daughter is getting married in the Summer. She has 2 half siblings (my youngest 2 dc) that still stay at home with me.
I have been divorced from youngest dc's father for 5 years. His relationship with his children was very rocky after we split, then broke down completely over a year ago due to his aggressive behaviour. They suffered a lot as a result of this behaviour, and have no wish to see him again.
My older daughter still has a relationship with him. She was relatively young when we got together and he was a father figure to her. He was very aggressive and shouty even then, but as an adult she has obviously forgiven him/forgotten about it and accepts him as part of her family.
She has invited him to her wedding. I am utterly devastated as it feels that she has put his feelings above her siblings. She states that she doesn't think it a big deal for her younger siblings to spend the day in the same room as him - they don't have to speak to him!
I have had to tell her that we cannot attend. I cannot put my youngest two through that, and I do not feel that I can attend without them as that feels like they would be being punished in a way.
My daughter is extremely hurt and angry with me. I just do not know what to do. The younger two are aware that this is going on and have said that they will go - although I know that it is purely to save me being upset and not because they want to be around him. I just don't feel that I can risk putting them in that situation, he damaged them so much already. What kind of mum would I be if I took them along?

OP posts:
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JacquettaWoodville · 12/08/2016 23:26

This thread is 5 months old, I imagine the wedding has happened now...

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Smurfnoff · 12/08/2016 23:30

What are you, 12?

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JacquettaWoodville · 12/08/2016 23:37

Me? Nope. You?

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Smurfnoff · 12/08/2016 23:39

Old enough to still be interested in the outcome of something that happened more than ten minutes ago.

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AnotherPrickInTheWall · 12/08/2016 23:42

She's your daughter your flesh and blood. Put aside your issues with exes etc. Family politics can take a little holiday for her wedding.
I take it she is not your number one priority after all the bitterness you have to vent towards your ex.
Does your hatred of him take precedence over her special day?

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JacquettaWoodville · 12/08/2016 23:44

Smurfnoff, that wasn't how you phrased it though eg "what did you decide to do in the end, OP?"

Bumping the thread means people will respond to it as if it's recent. Whatever age they are.

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