To just not understand people who interrupt?

[MattDillonsPants]

I've had to have a serious word to DH today because of his bad habit of interrupting. We had a friend to stay for two days and nights and this friend is a VERY funny guy. He's a brilliant story teller and a great listener so I was MADDENED by DH's constant interruptions.

He'd interrupt our friend AND me in mid flow...DH isn't shy and gets his turn to speak but that wasn't enough and he wanted OUR turns too.

I asked him about it...also pointed out that his habit of entering a room already speaking loudly as he comes in is BAD. He does this and ruins current conversations.

Why do people do it? He says he might forget what he has to say but I'm dumbfounded by that...if someone's telling a great story, WHY would you ruin it like that? SO selfish.

I was kind about it because I think he had no idea how bad it was....he took it on board and also apologised to our friend who was interested in the habit...he wanted to know where it comes from because he's the sort ofguy who loves learning more about people. ANyway...if you do this why?

It's simply lack of interest in what someone else is saying compared with one's own point of view.

It's plain rude ... But I'm guilty of it too . Having said that , when I'm having a conversation and I realise I've done it , I rein myself back . At the risk of sounding old , I've noticed youngsters do it more . I blame technology . If you're glued to a screen for hours and listening to someone talk , you can interrupt them , cut them off , talk over the top with no repurcussions , so they're learning bad habits which they transfer to real life. Conversation is an art form that has to be learned . There's a skill to it and some people just never learn that skill.

My MIL does this and it drives me bananas.

I do it sometimes because there are certain people who manopolise the conversation so much you don't get a chance to get a word in or they go on and on about the same thing. they are actually being rude themselves always needing to be the centre of attention.

Exactly Sandy.

Most of those who do it make all sorts of excuses. Its extraordinary. Most of the excuses revolve around the "fact" that the interrupter's brain works far faster than that of mere mortals 🙄

Or because some people are just so slow - they waste the precious time of the interrupter, dammit! They just need to hurry up and it is the prerogative of the interrupter to help chivvy them along.

Excuse after excuse - rather than admitting that they're just only interested in the sound of their own voice 🙄

I used to do this. Now I sit quietly when with groups who are talking.
My thoughts are a bit jumbled and I want to say them when they're relevant - otherwise I dwell on the last thing we were talking about, although the convo has moved on.
It is a problem for me at interviews, at doctors and so on, as I get stuck with the thing I wanted to blurt out say in my head and can't listen to what's being said now.
When talking with groups of women I know well it goes okay as they actually ask me about my areas of interest and I know I can talk then.
When with men they just generally ignore. I used to do a traditionally "male" job and often found myself the only woman (quietly) in the room!
At secondary school I was pulled up often by my girl friends for interrupting - this is when I learned not to do it.
I hope your husband takes it well when you help him to stop. Do his colleagues find him a problem or does he just do it at home?

Interrupting others may be indicative of ADHD or something similar, rather than rudeness, per se. We've discovered this through reading about my grandson's problems and symptoms. (I'm guilty of it, too, and have noticed many of my own traits are indicative of Autism, ADHD) Worth investigating in a child that does it habitually, perhaps?

" I think it comes from growing up with lots of siblings and busy parents and having to 'leap in' when I could to get there attention. I love listening to people too, so it's not a lack of respect thing, though I know that's how it comes across!"

Yep, that's exactly it for me. Scared I won't get my turn.

"I do it sometimes because there are certain people who manopolise the conversation so much you don't get a chance to get a word in or they go on and on about the same thing. they are actually being rude themselves always needing to be the centre of attention."

Also this. Conversation is a two-way (or more ways) thing and the original speak has to give way sometimes or it becomes a lecture.

I wouldn't interrupt someone telling a story but I can conscious I sometimes interject (another word for interrupting!) when having a two-way conversation (i.e. someone tells me something that happened to them, and I immediately interject about a similar experience I had, but interjecting a bit more than a balanced two-way conversation).

I know exactly why I do it. I used to be painfully shy, and never spoke a word in social company, with a reputation for being quiet. DH pulled me up on it saying that it came across as being rude or aloof. So I consciously made more of an effort to join in conversations and speak more, but I think I have taken it a bit too far! I also ask lots of questions though, so hope it doesn't come across as being rude.

My DH does this, although I have tried to 'train' him out of it - ha ha, and he has worked hard. It's a family thing - his mum is terrible - she'll ask a question and interrupt before someone has even finished the answer! I think in her case its the product of being one of 4 children and a competitive family dynamic, which she's passed on to her own family. My BIL is the same. It really irritates me though as I was brought up to listen and wait until someone had finished speaking before joining the conversation. Just such bad manners and totally comes across as not listening and waiting for your chance to speak! When I first met my DH he would interrupt with things that weren't even relevant to the conversation which was even worse! How did we make it to 10 years married....must be his other admirable qualities ;-)

I am guilty of this sometimes, but it's never because I'm disinterested or lacking respect, more that I'm animated & engaged & it's always pertinent, or a question to clarify, not a subject change. I do try not to do it and always apologise if I mis-time it.

I've noticed that there are certain people this tends to happen with most often. Some people do tend to talk A LOT & dominate the conversation. So they will pause, I think they've finished & speak, but they then continue. At that point - if I've started speaking and they carry on after me, who is interrupting whom? If someone else clearly has something to say or add, but you keep speaking for another several minutes on the same track, or even change subject within the same monologue, isn't that quite rude & a lack of respect for anyone else's opinion? I think it is, but maybe I'm wrong.

A conversation is an organic thing, an exchange of views in which we all participate. If one person likes to drive the conversational bus & expects everyone to sit, cross-legged on the floor in rapt attention until they decide to stop speaking, then that's a sermon, not a conversation and is also rude.

I have one friend who just talks in an eternal stream of consciousness, prattling on from one point to the next without pause. It's possible to spend 2 hours in her company without being able to say a word other than 'mm' if you wait for her to stop before joining in. Even then she ignores whatever you do say & keeps going on her own track. That's exhausting & boring. And rude.

I do have a tendency to finish DH's sentences though. I really must stop that. It's not driven by rudeness, but a desire to join in and he does have a tendency to monologue. He's a professional public speaker, so is used to being the only one talking & doesn't pause or allow for anyone else's point of view in what he's saying.

Interesting conversation. I far prefer a conversation where everyone is engaged & animated, maybe overlapping a bit, rather than a stilted 'talking stick' style of interaction

I do it. It's awful and I must work on it. New(ish) DP has pointed it out to me and when I mentioned it to my work colleagues they all agree I did it. I am quite ashamed. I will stop doing it - whoever said "you are not a child - you CAN control yourself" is quite right

Ds1 does this. He isn't 'rude' or 'arrogant' he has Aspergers and struggles with conversations.

I also agree with MrsD.

Ohh me and DH are terrible for this. And we pick each other up on it, usually whilst interrupting the other one! Our arguments end up with us arguing about why we feel we have the right to interrupt each other. His mum does it on the phone to him too, he'll start answering a question and she'll just keep talking.

I hate doing it, but I'm not very good at conversations. I always feel I have nothing interesting to say and when I try not to interrupt I find the conversation moves on and what I want to say becomes irrelevant so I end up saying nothing and have awkward silences. I either talk too much or not at all. I'm better in group conversation but often end up saying nothing. Phone calls terrify me, I can manage to ring up about utilities etc. because I generally know how the conversation will go but social interactions I find so much harder.

It's not a lack of interest for me. It's the opposite if anything. I know that if I don't say anything then that will be perceived as a lack of interest, so I try and say something as soon as I can whilst it's still relevant. Because I am interested.

I do hate myself for it though.

Strangely enough though, when I was working in hospitality/customer facing roles, I could play the part so to speak and you'd think I was fine with conversation skills but in real life, not so much.

Anyway, I'll stop proving my point interrupting everything and let someone else talk

My Dh does this too. It may be the fact he grew up in a large family and learned to do it to be heard, but they're hardly a rowdy bunch. I think he does it for attention. I've been listening to someone else talking before and noticed him standing next to me trying to butt in and tell me something before, often some uninteresting detail about himself that really doesn't need to be announced over the top of someone . This sounds terrible but even though he's a grown adult, ive had to really sit down ad talk to him about it and actually teach him not to interupt and try to listen to people . Sometimes when he's being spoken to he looks away and you can tell he's stopped listening and is already thinking about what he wants to say. Beyond rude really, he can't seem to explain why he does it but I'd love to know the origins

I agree AllMyBestFriends. Polite silence when I was growing up was likely to be interpreted as cool indifference. It isn't correct to say all interrupters aren't interested in the other person.

I do it because I am partially deaf, and most people when their sentence ends they drop in tone so I cannot hear they are still talking, so it could be a hearing problem?

I'm with Mrs DV and others who said similar too. There are some interruptions which are about the interrupter's disinterest in the conversation, or their need to 'lead' it, but I think it's far more commonly about converging with, and supporting, others' thoughts and feelings when they are voicing them. It's about conviviality and enthusiasm. 'Life is not a lecture': spot on.

Excuse after excuse - rather than admitting that they're just only interested in the sound of their own voice

Some people may only be interested in the sound of their own voice - but others really are just bad at judging breaks in conversation.

A well-managed conversation takes skill, and like all skills, takes time to learn to do it well. Some people get that training from childhood, with parents and others pointing out it's rude to interrupt, that you should wait till mummy's finished speaking and so on. It's clear from some of the posters above that not all families are like this, and some learn to shout loudest to get heatd, and it's hard to break years of habit.

At school, it's usually managed by having to put your hand up, so you can see who else wants to speak (that doesn't always mean it works well.)

At work, a well-chaired meeting should mean everyone gets a chance to have their say (it may not be an equal say, depending on the purpose of the meeting,) and interrupts are controlled. A competent chair will draw in quieter people and invite them to speak.

Informal discussions are obviously less structured, but if you're the sort of person who is good at judging breaks in conversation, you can still help guide others. "Please can you wait til Z has finished speaking," would be better than, "FFS, why don't you just stop interrupting!"

Yes, interrupting is annoying, but some people just haven't learnt to manage conversation well. Whinge about people being rude all you like, but conversation involves at least two people and if you don't accept we don't all do things in the same way, you're not going to be able to help change anything, and things will just carry on as before.

This seems to happen to me a lot and I hate it. It makes me feel like what I've got to say is boring or just not worth listening to. One of my friends does it all the time. Recently her and my DH just started talking straight over me so I stopped mid sentence. They actually noticed, which surprised me, but I refused to finish off what I was saying as they obviously had far more interesting things to say. They were both pretty shame faced about it but it hasn't bloody stopped them

My DH is exactly the same. He's a Leo and loves the limelight so I've always put it down to that. He'll bang his drinking glass on the table instead of placing it normally if he thinks he's not getting enough attention, and always interrupts other people's anecdotes with his bigger and better comments. Drives me up the wall. I have a lot of sympathy with those who interrupt because they know they'll forget what they were going to say, I do it myself sometimes

I know a couple of people who do it all the time in large groups. They're fine one to one but a nightmare in groups. I wondee if it's nerves or them being overexcited about the subject, although I think one of them is eager to show off a bit in company.

I feel a bit sorry for them because they're nice people one to one, but I can see that people can't be bothered with them in public. They don't see the point in speaking to them because they feel they're not being listened to. I sometimes interrupt and usually know I'm doing it and apologise afterwards.

Working with children, I have table time with them. They all get a chance to say their bit without interruptions and then ask questions/discuss afterwards. I think it's a really important social skill and younger children often don't have it yet. Obviously what they have to say is more important than everyone else haha!