To just not understand people who interrupt?

[MattDillonsPants]

I've had to have a serious word to DH today because of his bad habit of interrupting. We had a friend to stay for two days and nights and this friend is a VERY funny guy. He's a brilliant story teller and a great listener so I was MADDENED by DH's constant interruptions.

He'd interrupt our friend AND me in mid flow...DH isn't shy and gets his turn to speak but that wasn't enough and he wanted OUR turns too.

I asked him about it...also pointed out that his habit of entering a room already speaking loudly as he comes in is BAD. He does this and ruins current conversations.

Why do people do it? He says he might forget what he has to say but I'm dumbfounded by that...if someone's telling a great story, WHY would you ruin it like that? SO selfish.

I was kind about it because I think he had no idea how bad it was....he took it on board and also apologised to our friend who was interested in the habit...he wanted to know where it comes from because he's the sort ofguy who loves learning more about people. ANyway...if you do this why?

OP, You wouldn't last a minute where I come from, everyone talks very very fast and at the same time, and everyone can hear everyone else.

My DH (We live in a place where everyone talks slowly and softly) said the first time he experienced it he couldn't understand a thing, but eventually he tuned in and released that a conversation was going on and a lot of grounds getting covered very fast.

We all communicate differently and can learn from each other,

If someone not listening to you and interuping , then either you are not interesting or are taking too long to get to your point, either way that person needs a different type of communication, or all that will happen is they will tune you out, your lips will keep moving and all they hear is blah blah blah.

I do it sometimes and have had to apologise for it. I am hard of hearing and wear hearing aids so sometimes I start talking to people because I genuinely can't hear they are already saying something.

Mil is terrible for this. She will interrupt and say something unrelated or ask a question to DH right over me. He has a tendency to do it as well but I'm training him to be more aware of it. He said he just hadn't realised he did it.

I sometimes interrupt. I find it very hard to follow conversations so often I'll just keep totally quiet instead but sometimes I misjudge the other person/people and think they've finished when they haven't. I really hate it - so again I tend to stay quiet more and end up not contributing to a conversation at all because of fear.

This was one of the many types of social faux pas that made me wonder what the heck was wrong with me and why I couldn't manage a conversation like everyone else - until last year I was diagnosed with ASD :)

I have a friend who interrupts constantly. Sometimes mid-word, mid-sentence, and it drives me insane.

I once called her on it and she then interrupted me again 2 minutes later. I've also tried just carrying on speaking but she just drowns me out by talking even louder.

It comes across as "I have thought about something about ME, which must be more interesting than whatever you're talking about".

It's disrespectful and very wearing. It puts me off spending time with her as I don't want to spend time with someone who doesn't think I'm worth listening too.

Just to be clear, I hadn't been speaking for two solid minutes. I mean the conversation moved on and she then interrupted again very soon after I asked her not to do so.

I know quite a few people who set off on long monologues which I personally find as rude as interrupting. Its not a conversation if there is no break in it to answer. If I don't interrupt, I just drift off and lose what they are talking about completely.

Sometimes you may need something clarified so need to stop them. It is rude to constantly interrupt though.

Thunder yes...but some friendships are based around storytelling. It's an art form and there's nothing better than listening to someone tell a really good one.

But having someone constantly interrupt is shit! I'm not talking about clarification....asking "Oh is Jason the man who married his cousin?" is fine...but not just butting in with your experience which is similar.

So no...someone telling a story is not a conversation.

I used to know several people who were serial interrupters. It wasn't the kind of interruption where they were asking to clarify a point or a helpful comment, they'd just start talking about something completely random and different to the current conversation right over the top of someone. It drove me nuts, especially as they did it to me a lot. I hasten to add I was not monologuing, I rarely got more than three words out with them around. My personal opinion was that they had a greatly inflated sense of self importance and they saw me (and many others) as not worthy of note.
Did I mention I "used" to know them?
I suppose the other side of the coin is the droning moaning monologue. In my experience it usually is a long winded moan. You're expected to do nothing more than nod as they sit there and tell you in great detail how awful someone you barely know is. Ugh. There is no point in trying to interrupt.

I'm with Thunder. I don't believe in story telling unless all the listeners have agreed. I also don't find stories funny, as in my view humour is about spontaneity. When you get to the "Did I tell you about the time I was stuck in a drifting hot air balloon with Kylie, the Archbishop of York, and Beyonce" stage, it is either violence, interrupting, or leaving the room....

I do this. It was the only way to be heard brow up. I work hard on it though an think I've just about stopped.

Growing up.

There's research to show it's got a bit of a gender flavour to it, this interrupting thing.

Both men and women interrupt a woman speaker more than they interrupt a male speaker. Especially in a work environment. And men are more likely to interrupt a woman who is speaking than another woman is.

Subconscious gender bias about whose opinion matters more (on the part of both men and women since women interrupt men less than they do their fellow females)? Or cultural differences? (There's a study that shows that what Californians interpret as interruption is not interpreted as such by New Yorkers whose conversation moves faster. Any gap is a legitimate gap!).

nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/03/19/google-chief-blasted-for-repeatedly-interrupting-female-government-official/

DH's family do this in a particularly unaware way and it drives me batshit. I've given up speaking at the dinner table in his mum's house, it's too frustrating and I'm no shrinking violet in conversation! DH claims to not be very aware of it in himself and we agreed that I tap his leg under the table if he's doing it a lot when we're out with friends (and I can read their social cues about finding it annoying where he doesn't seem to see them.) A few drinks definitely makes him worse at this!

I think there's all sorts of interrupting though and some work ok in coversational flow, others don't and if you're leaving your conversational partners feeling overlooked, unheard and frustrated then it's worth trying to do it less!

I sometimes find storytellers annoying especially if they expect people to have onto their every word. I like 2 way conversations . I found the Ops story telling friend sounded condescending in the way he tried to dissect the other chaps interrupting and bring it back to listening to him.
I not defending all interrupts but l think perhaps he finds this chap a bore and him DW hangs on every word

I have a friend who does this constantly. She'll spend 15 minutes talking and then might just ask a question about me.
But I'll get as far as "Yeah, had a good week thanks! We went to...." and she'll jump in with "....ooh I saw so and so the other day! She said..." etc so I tend to just give up.

It's a shame because I now limit myself wherever possible to going to the cinema with her. It cuts down on me having to listen to her interminable, dull stories and means I save my breath for talking to friends who are actually interested in me.

It's sheer rudeness I'm afraid. However much of a habit it is, do interrupters really not realise they're doing it? No. They know. They just think that their right to speak is more important.

I rarely even bother starting stories with my friend now. Just reply with stuff like "Fine, ta".

Of course it happens to us all occasionally. I do it sometimes, like "Oh! That reminds me! Before I forget - saw so and so the other day! She said to say hi! Right sorry I interrupted you - carry on!"

But serial interrupters - just rude and self absorbed and clearly bored by the person they're talking at. They'll deny it of course but that's the upshot.

My dp does this and it drives me mad. I've realised that his entire family do it. That's his mum and his four siblings - I don't think his dad does it though. Whenever there is a family meet up it's usually the five of them SHOUTING over each other while I sit there in silence. The dad speaks every so often, I've noticed they give him space to. I don't even try. Dp has got better with just me and him and he does have many redeeming features. I say this now (which I think I learnt on MN) "sorry did the middle of my sentence interuppt the start of yours?"

I am guilty and it is because I am from a big, noisy family with strong opinions. I maintain I can speak and listen at the same time, taking turns wastes time..

But seriously I was shocked at how sedate many families are and I have to consciously check myself. Sorry world.

I think people who spout monologues are just as bad. I have a friend who will just talk and talk and talk. If I want to say anything, I have to interrupt. One day I thought I'd let it go and see how long she talked for. It was forty five minutes without a break - she drifted in that time through various topics before finally petering to a halt. When I then said something, she interrupted me and carried on talking.

It is really frustrating if someone is telling a story and people interrupt - they're clearly not listening and just want to be the one talking, but it does take two people to have a good conversation.

Imperial - yes I timed my friend once. She picked me up and I had time to get in the car and go "Hiya! How are you?" and she replied "Hiya - yeah not too bad. Just had the car serviced. It had to have xyz done..." etc etc. I had to listen to exactly what was wrong with it, the parts that had to be ordered and from where, how long they took to arrive, labour charges etc.

She was talking for 35 minutes before I got a single word in.

I do it all the time and do find it very embarrassing. I'm a very impulsive person generally and am trying really hard to train myself out of blurting out whatever is in my head. I know it's annoying and rude, I just find it really difficult.

I never realised it, but I was brought up with quite strong filters about only saying something if it funny or interesting or clever. My family and friends are much the same, and even our wider village and school environment, it's all about conversation as entertainment (we are working class Welsh).

Now I no longer live in Wales, I do still some times get taken aback by how boring some people can be: rambling on at length about inanities. I find myself thinking "Why do you imagine I would possibly want to know that?"

I think the Irish are quite similar to the Welsh though.

I think monologuing is worse. But then I would say that wouldn't I..

YANBU!

I know so one who does this a lot. To me anyway, I have concluded it's because she isn't that interested in listening to me if others are there. She's fine if it's just us 2. Once she did it and I abruptly stopped talking as I was so pissed off with it. After a bit she turned back to me and said "oh carry on" I just said I couldn't remember what I was saying (a blatant lie) and she said "no no, carry on" I refused and said it didn't matter. Her and the other woman we were with exchanged looks but it pissed me right off. It didn't help though, she still does it. And she is considerably loud than anyone else so unless I bellowed, I wouldn't get heard anyway.

I have a lovely friend who does this. I don't ever get to finish anything without her interrupting. It's frustrating as I really like her so I bite my tongue about it.

My nan has started doing it a lot lately. It's really annoying as it's usually on the phone. When I carry on my sentence but a little louder, she gets huffy with me.

I am aware I can do it (usually through excitement and wanting to join in but sometimes I'm with such dominant people, I feel like I don't get a chance and then they comment that I was very quiet!). I am aware of it and try my hardest to curb it as it's an awful habit to have.

With my friend I tried the "Keep talking but louder" thing. At one point we were both talking at the same time for about 7 seconds which doesn't sound long but it is in that situation.

She did eventually stop talking but just dived in even quicker than usual when I stopped talking.