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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not understand people who interrupt?

203 replies

MattDillonsPants · 28/02/2016 14:15

I've had to have a serious word to DH today because of his bad habit of interrupting. We had a friend to stay for two days and nights and this friend is a VERY funny guy. He's a brilliant story teller and a great listener so I was MADDENED by DH's constant interruptions.

He'd interrupt our friend AND me in mid flow...DH isn't shy and gets his turn to speak but that wasn't enough and he wanted OUR turns too.

I asked him about it...also pointed out that his habit of entering a room already speaking loudly as he comes in is BAD. He does this and ruins current conversations.

Why do people do it? He says he might forget what he has to say but I'm dumbfounded by that...if someone's telling a great story, WHY would you ruin it like that? SO selfish.

I was kind about it because I think he had no idea how bad it was....he took it on board and also apologised to our friend who was interested in the habit...he wanted to know where it comes from because he's the sort ofguy who loves learning more about people. ANyway...if you do this why?

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 28/02/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastDemon · 28/02/2016 15:05

I also have Aspergers btw.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/02/2016 15:05

Exactly Lj8893!
The sort of inyerupting that Woo's MIL does is definitely of the not listening variety though, that's very rude.

Lj8893 · 28/02/2016 15:06

do you lot all have a talking stick too?

lilypotter · 28/02/2016 15:08

Sil does it - it's infuriating. She'll march into the room when bil is involved in a conversation and demand he comes into the kitchen "NOW PLEASE" to check the potatoes or somesuch shit task that obviously can't wait another nanosecond.

plimsolls · 28/02/2016 15:09

Interrupters do my head in, particularly when they interrupt to (often incorrectly) finish the sentence instead of the person speaking.

I do have a friend who I think misreads social cues and I've noticed he will interrupt people when they are in the middle of a story or an anecdote, and kind of derail the flow . Even though its infuriating, I think its because he hasn't realised that they are telling a story which is going in a certain direction, therefore he should wait and listen.

ClashCityRocker · 28/02/2016 15:11

I don't know - is he interrupting about things irrelevant to the conversation taking place? That'd be rude.

I don't think I really have conversations where you wait for the other person to finish talking and then take your turn. It sounds a bit stilted and non-organic.

DerelictDaughter · 28/02/2016 15:11

You can be listening and also preparing to speak. The interruption can be involuntary.
It doesn't have to be rudeness or lack of respect or anything. It's a timing thing and sometimes not under voluntary control without a lot of practice.

OP people are telling you this and you're determined they just don't care enough to listen. You aren't right, I'm afraid.

nanetterose · 28/02/2016 15:13

I don't know why op but you sound really mean.
We humans are not perfect. Not everyone 'gets' interaction that easily.
I feel for your husband. Especially as you pulled him up/discussed it with your mate. Confused

ToastDemon · 28/02/2016 15:14

Thank you DerelictDaughter you've put that very well.

It is indeed a timing thing, when I get that or any other social thing wrong I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, it's not like I'm thinking "fuck you I don't care what you're saying". In fact I'm more likely to interrupt if I'm really engaged by what someone is telling me or when I'm anxious and trying to make a good impression.

howtorebuild · 28/02/2016 15:14

I like people helping me end my sentence, I often can't find a worded to brain fog and they help me.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/02/2016 15:18

I'll have to agree to disagree with you there Coo. I don't think something is rude if it's done unintentionally.

Charley50 · 28/02/2016 15:19

Mrs DeVere I agree, it's often just a natural flow of the conversation.

Lj8893 · 28/02/2016 15:19

Personally, I think it's rude to tell somebody they are rude when they haven't intentionally been so.

But then I guess we all have our own bugbears hey?

Leggytadpole · 28/02/2016 15:20

"also pointed out that his habit of entering a room already speaking loudly as he comes in is BAD. He does this and ruins current conversations"

This also drives me mad OP. I used to work with someone who did this, she'd enter every room loudly telling us about her journey/meeting/announcing her lunch plans, oblivious to people already in mid conversation. She also had a habit of interrupting/speaking over people. She was completely self absorbed.

AnneElliott · 28/02/2016 15:21

DH does this too and it's infuriating. What's worse is that he often comes up to me and someone else ( we're talking) and then says " what's that". He expects me to summarise the convo and then he takes over!

We've had many discussions about it but he still does it.

ClashCityRocker · 28/02/2016 15:23

Actually it is a bit shitty to point out someone's perceived social faux pas and then present it your friend for analysis.

SevenSeconds · 28/02/2016 15:24

Coffee and Lj, can I join your (virtual) conversation please - sounds like my kind of thing!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/02/2016 15:29

Absolutely Seven, although it could go on a bit!

bobbilyknob · 28/02/2016 15:29

I also think OP sounds quite mean, especially with the OP and friend analysing the 'interupting behaviour'.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 28/02/2016 15:38

Ooh, sounds like you have a bit of a crush on this friend OP..Grin

My close friends and I sort of talk over each other quite a lot, often to interject something funny,but I wouldn't do it at work.
My boss does that walking in and talking loudly thing as if we were all just sitting there, on tenterhooks waiting for her next update..grrr , yes that's annoying.

LifeofI · 28/02/2016 15:43

people do it because they dont want to forget their input, is annoying but i understand it. Some people are good story tellers and others are good listeners.

Lj8893 · 28/02/2016 15:47

More than welcome seven!

BillBrysonsBeard · 28/02/2016 15:52

I agree that the OP sounds rude with her replies, more rude that I find interrupters. As you can see OP, most people on this thread do it unintentionally so it seems to be a pretty natural human behaviour.

EBearhug · 28/02/2016 16:20

I'm just crap at judging breaks in conversation (which is partly why I like messageboards, because we all get to have our say, even if we post at the same time.) I think I'm better than I used to be - I really do try - but I still get it wrong.

It was almost funny on Friday in a meeting - a colleague was saying something - I started to say something as he went onto a new sentence (whereas I'd thought he'd got to the end), and we both stopped and paused, and when it was clear the other wasn't continuing, started again - this happened about 3 times before one of us carried on (can't even remember which, or what we were talking about now, but we both got to have our say, and they were both points which needed raising.)

It's easier in formal meetings if you have a good chair. Often, there isn't a good chair, or it's not a formal meeting. It does happen a lot in life.