just asked someone too leave my house. as all they have done is insult my baby!

[Murphyslaw21]

I'm fuming. An old work colleague has moved near to me, we always got on OK although she always had a brush up her arse. Anyway we bumped into each other the other day and I suggested she comes round for a coffee. So our two babies can meet. They are both 9 months.

So she turned up, and was very patronising about my house. It's a bit of building site but lounge is lovly. But I got the oohh you were brave doing that colour scheme. It's duck egg blue. Anyway let it go.

So I'm feeding baby girl and she says oh can't she feed herself. So I said she has finger food but mostly just gets licked and thrown. So I feed her whilst she is playing with finger food. Oh MINE feeds herself. Next it's playing on floor. Mine sits up but falls over if left, colleague says oh MINE has been sitting by herself for at least two months. She is very advanced for her age. Then she has made a comment that it's strange to be in baby gro rather than clothes. So I said but she can roll around and play without it all getting skirted up. Oh MINE just screames if she is a baby gro. She likes clothes. Final straw was I'm making a drink and she says oh arnt her eyes close together. So I said no quiet abruptly. To be told maybe it's just because she has a large head!

I'm livid. So I fly in and said exact words " oh fuvk off. You've done nothing but insult my baby, did u come round just to make you feel that your baby is superior". She then said you never could take criticism,

So I lost it and said ( I feel a bit bad about this because her baby is really cute) take your ugly fucking kid and get out, go bitch to your husband ... Oh no you can't cause he is shacked up with his girlfriend. And no I see why.

Ok I feel a bit mean about ugly baby comment but I was livid. I'm fuming so fuming. There was so many digs and comments. Why why why I would never compare my baby to someone else's and I certainly never been so rude.

I met loads of parents like that when I had my daughter and it doesn't get any better. The competition just takes a different form and it probably goes on and on and on until they have children of their own and then you become a competitive grandparent. So, I do admire you for having said that out loud and for deciding very early on that you weren't going to put up with this on behaviour from other parents. A lot of people let it slide, not because they're a better person but because they don't want to have a confrontation and don't want to be horrible but, really, it's the person that's dishing it who's horrible. We shouldn't fret about not being nice to people who are not nice. I kind of wish and said something a bit more watered down that we've got the same point across as yours it would have done much more for my confidence which was very late at that stage.

As for the baby, I do see your point but she won't remember being called ugly.

Ruh roh!

Maybe next time keep some composure while you tell her to fuck off.

Instead of "take your ugly fucking kid and get out, go bitch to your husband. Oh no you can't cause he is shacked up with his girlfriend. And now I see why.", try something like "[name], that's enough. You've done nothing but compare our babies since you arrived and I've quite had enough of it. Now, if you don't mind, finish your tea, pick up your baby, and kindly fuck off and never come back. You're no longer welcome here."

Well done.she deserves it.

I think it would have been perfectly reasonable to take issue with her rudeness in terms of insulting your house and your baby
I still think the comment about her husband was really spiteful and you did this with the full intention of hurting her. I'm surprised so many people on this thread are defending that.

This woman wasn't important in your life and therefore her opinions on your child don't matter. She clearly has issues and the fact she expresses herself through being unkind to others is a sad reflection on her. You know all babies develop at different rates and do different things at different times. Your baby is, I am sure, happy and loved - the perfect environment she needs to grow and flourish. Don't let her have any more of your life by worrying about your reaction - just accept it happened and think how you can learn from it.

What I think is interesting is that some posters think a PA comment is better than direct insults.
Personally I think they are worse. If you want to say something, at least, have the gut of voicing your opinions maybe not as strongly as the OP

minus the ugly baby comment and comment about her husband, I sympathise. do people like this really exist, i.e making comments on your décor, then constant comments on your child, I thought they were just soap characters.

i'd prob apologise but never invite her over again or keep in touch she's not a nice character lol

Iovesooty of course I said it to hurt her. She is not as perfect as she thinks she is. I agree it was spiteful and like I have said she was being just as spiteful to me through my baby.

I think you need to reconsider your definition of 'insult after insult', OP.

No one is denying that the visitor's behaviour was undermining and probably intentionally nasty rather than clueless, but saying you are 'brave' for painting a room duck egg blue is not an 'insult'. Undermining and snide, maybe (or someone who should really get out more, if her idea of wild behaviour involves Laura Ashley paint!)

Saying 'Oh can't she feed herself? Mine can' isn't an insult either. Again, snide and undermining at worst. Neither is saying her baby has been sitting up for months and is 'advanced'. Insecure and/or boastful, maybe, but nothing to do with you and your child, really. (You encounter the identical thing at the average baby group - there's a certain subset of parents who are insecure enough to rush about collecting stats on other people's children from birthweight onwards, and miraculously deducing their child is a developmental prodigy.) Neither is saying her baby 'prefers' dresses an insult. (Hilariously deluded, maybe - small babies being total fashionistas. Yup.) Saying your baby has close-together eyes is unpleasant and tactless, yes.

But you're already livid at the string of perceived 'insults' and starting to shout about her 'ugly fucking baby' (which is a far more horrible insult than anything she said to you) and her presumably painful marital situation - again, this is far and away worse than her snide remarks about paint colour and her child's 'superior' development. Can't you see the difference?

She is not as perfect as she thinks she is.

Does she really think that? She is a new mum with a baby whose relationship has broken down. She is seriously struggling and probably sees you as the successful one. All the bullshit is her own inferiority coming out.

Exactly. Her comments were just as uncalled for. It's not your MIL, it's some snotty cow from an old work place. You're not going to see her again, so sod her lol.

Why do other people have to be so cloak and dagger all the time? In some situations, you don't need to be tactful.

Just because it's subtle and snide doesn't make it okay or less insulting. I'm with Murphy on this one.. she was being a full on bitch and you called her out. Good on yer.

Although it's clear the woman has confidence issues, she needs to learn that you can't make yourself bigger by belittling others.

How did she leave? Did she storm out? And will you have to see her again at work?

As I said above, the 'Can't little X sit up yet? My little Y has been doing it for months', 'Isn't little X feeding herself yet? My little Y has been eating four-course meals since she was six months', 'Don't you dress little X in outfits during the day? I do it with Y' etc etc is pretty common currency in baby/toddler group situations. I gather it continues into school days - I've seen threads on here where parents have sneaked a look inside a visiting child's schoolbag to see what reader the child is on etc etc.

It's annoying, petty and born out of parental insecurity, sure, but hardly in the same ball park of intentional cruelty as calling someone's baby 'fucking ugly' and sneering about the fact that her husband has left her!

snide and undermining at worst

Well, snide and undermining ARE 'worst', IMO. The reason people use snide comments is that it's not as easy to challenge them as it is direct comments/insults.

In this case though, the OP DID challenge them. And I applaud it.

And I agree with Boursin: If you want to say something, at least, have the gut of voicing your opinions

No she bloody does not need to apologise for the ugly baby comment !!

I think slagging pof someone baby is fucking LOW, slag her off, fine, but calling a baby ugly? unkind

anyway couldn't give a fuck, and clearly not does the OP

And at the London and rural baby/toddler groups where I've seen this kind of competitive baby parenting, the general response from others tends be non-engagement and rolled eyes, rather than screaming abuse. The 'my little Y has been sitting/eating/doing Higher Maths for months' parents usually end up trying it only on some unfortunate new arrival who hasn't learned to avoid them.

Well, snide and undermining ARE 'worst', IMO. The reason people use snide comments is that it's not as easy to challenge them as it is direct comments/insults.

But those comments are not necessarily intentionally snide and undermining, Only - that's what I'm saying. Sometimes that 'my little X is waaay better than your little Y' litany is not conscious unpleasantness, but just thoughtless rambling from someone who is desperately insecure about parenting - and the only facts we have about the OP's unpleasant visitor is that she has a small baby, is presumably still on mat. leave, and has a presumably recently-ended marriage in what sounds like nasty, publicly-known circumstances. She doesn't sound like a pleasant person (though the OP, who knew her at work, already disliked her, so that's not a surprise), but surely it's very unlikely that she visited the OP's house puffed up with an idea of her own perfection? Maybe she's desperately envious of the OP's duck-egg blue room and presumably ongoing relationship? That doesn't make her any pleasanter to be around, certainly, but I doubt she thinks she's 'perfect'.

Back again. Please try to read my replies..... Thanks for your replies I'm trying to respond to them all. Sorry if I miss anything

I picked up my baby and walked to front door opened front door. She was still sitting on floor and I walked upstairs. She left within about a minute.

She was not just making comments oh mine does this. Her tone and smirks were digs.

There were so many I have only highlighted the baby related ones. I had comments about everything from wall choice colour. Oh I thought you said you had new carpet (it's two weeks since put in). Comments on how tired I look and oh I see the diets gone out the window.

So no I don't feel bad they were not nice passing comments they were insults so yes after an hour I had enough.

Actually, I don't see why you should apologise. She's probably totally had it coming for years.

I am a laid back non-confrontational type too and while I honestly can't imagine I would ever have said what you said but sometimes it's nice to see perpetually bitchy, sniping, passive aggressive twats get their comeuppance.

Over the years I've known quite a few people who delight in making sly digs or spiteful put-downs dressed up as harmless observations or jokes and I've thought 'WTAF? Who the hell do you think you are?' But I just say nothing and mentally mark them down as a cowbag. It's nice to know that not everyone lets these people get away with it.

Why would a big head make her eyes look closer together? I would've thought a small head would have that effect!

TBH, if you texted her and told her: I apologize for calling your baby ugly, I think she's very lovely, it would be an OK thing to do if that weighs heavily on your conscience. Otherwise I can understand why you flipped. Motherhood doesn't change a bitchy woman into Holy Mary so if she were a horrible person before, chances are she'd always be that.

Good on you, she deserved everything she got.

Cream, I don't believe that thoughtlessness is an excuse. People – competent, grown adults – always have the option to think for a millisecond about what's about to come out of their mouth and change it.

But from the OP's account (and I do see that that's the only side of it we've got), it was more deliberate than 'just' thoughtlessness anyway.