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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 29/02/2016 14:30

Thats terrible, Atenco. Its the betrayal of someone you trust. Cant imagine what that felt like. Did you catch her in the act? Confront her? Do you still bump into her?

OP posts:
Atenco · 29/02/2016 16:02

Well I will run into her because we are neighbours.

She cleaned for me. But as I said this had been creeping up on me, because I started to suspect the theiving a while ago, but it took a while for me to believe that it was happening and then last week I got concrete proof. At this stage I'm just glad to get her out of my house and life and to think that my possessions will stay put.

It was my adult godson who was seen with something of mine and when I told her she was quite happy to have him accused and watch him cry without saying a word. Then she came back later and said that she had given him this thing because she found it broken in the rubbish. It was not broken, it was never near the rubbish of course and no, my godson was not responsible.

Grapejuicerocks · 29/02/2016 16:27

How awful for you attenco.

Are you going to say anything to her Op? It needn't be confrontational. I'd approach it from a I'm very hurt you could do this, perspective - but I'd have to say or text something. Will the loss of this friend impact much?

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 29/02/2016 16:34

I wont say anything. What is the point? Words fail me

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 29/02/2016 16:38

I'm not surprised that words have failed you, but i do think it needs pointing out to her what a class A bitch she's been. I'd sent just the one text then leave it but maybe she has already got the message from your silence.

I only hope that you don't mean that you are not going to say anything but you will continue to be her friend. Please don't mean that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/02/2016 17:31

I agree there's next to no point, Headful - as I said upthread, once she's away from your street, chances are she won't even keep up the friendship, so what would it achieve?

Mind you, if you did feel like a "final hurrah" you could say something along the lines of "thanks for your support in allowing my abusive ex to move EVEN CLOSER to me. Hope your life turns out well" and leave it at that. But that's not really necessary.

Atenco · 29/02/2016 17:31

Thank you "Grapejuice". I live in Mexico so I wouldn't tell the police as prisons here are absolute hell. I didn't want to tell her husband either because he used to or maybe still does beat her, but she brought the entire family round to my house last night, including her husband, to talk about it.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/02/2016 17:32

This just really sucks rocks for you. I'm just going to hope that maybe something happens to cause the sale to fall through.

I'd probably just text her "Et Tu, Brute?".

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/02/2016 17:32

Atenco - that's pretty shocking behaviour, can't believe that someone could do that to someone they called "friend". :(

Atenco · 29/02/2016 17:38

Sorry, OP, for derailing your thread. And thanks for your sympathy everyone.

I really hope your ex wastes all this ex-friend's time and that the sale falls through.

There will be much better friends around the corner for you.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 29/02/2016 17:44

No derailing, just sorry you had to deal with this.

I don't want to engage in text dialogue, with her minimizing. We have mutual friends and dcs are friends.

I just wont engage with her anymore. Whats the point of explaining to her? She clearly doesn't get it. The house has barely been on market and she has no pressing reason to move.

OP posts:
PegsPigs · 29/02/2016 19:03

If you put yours on the market you might help encourage this sale to fall through? Sorry your ex is such a shit bag. And your 'friend' is a selfish twat Flowers

Atenco · 29/02/2016 19:31

Brilliant idea, PegsPig. You could hold off a little bit though to let things get a bit more complicated for the people involved.

WicksEnd · 29/02/2016 21:54

God can't you get hold of a 'SOLD' sign and put it up outside your house?

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 01/03/2016 08:29

Update- she approached me and I told her how I felt. I did get upset and indignant when she began telling me how she needed new home and that I should understand.

Then her husband texted me telling me I was out of order.

The worst thing is she will be spouting off to mutual friends how unreasonable I am.

We left it with me saying that friendship couldn't continue. She wanted me to say it was OK but I didnt.

Thank you for all your support, guys x

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 01/03/2016 08:34

Hopefully the mutual friends will also tell her she is being unreasonable. It's unanimous on here so they should put her straight. If they don't, you really need new friends.

I should imagine she was a bit on the defensive as she knows she's done wrong.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/03/2016 08:38

Then her husband texted me telling me I was out of order.

They sound very well-suited, OP.

RosyCat · 01/03/2016 09:01

I'm sorry you've had to put up with such unreasonable behaviour from that women and her husband. Flowers

Agree with pp that she feels guilty and wants to say it's ok to make everything alright.

eddielizzard · 01/03/2016 09:14

i agree with the idea of putting your house on the market even though you're not selling. it might be enough to put him off.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/03/2016 09:18

BLoody hell, Headful - what a fecking cheek the woman has. She wanted you to say it was all ok, so she didn't feel any guilt of any kind, and you didn't do that, so her fucking husband gets in on the act?!

IF you needed any further evidence that she is not a real friend, you've just had it.

So sorry - hope you have other real friends who will rally round you. x

StrictlyMumDancing · 01/03/2016 09:29

Flowers OP. At least you know now what arseholes they are, not that its much comfort.

nina99ballons · 01/03/2016 10:37

Well it's not ok to totally shaft someone, and good for you for telling her. Pretty sure your mutual friends will agree.

Getting her husband to text you is totally beyond the pale, are they hoping to bully you into agreement? How awful.

eaudeparfumpooie · 01/03/2016 11:55

Just wait until they about to exchange and then move to a rental few away , and rent your place out.

Arfarfanarf · 01/03/2016 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2016 13:21

The worst thing is she will be spouting off to mutual friends how unreasonable I am.

Her:"Can you believe it? She called off our friendship just because I sold my house to her abusive ex!!!!"

Mutual Friends: ShockShockHmmHmmHmmConfusedAngryAngryAngry

I don't think you need worry about their reaction.

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