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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
Tenementfunster · 28/02/2016 18:40

I'm sure you've got grounds for a complaint.
Contact can be made between him and dc through a third party. You have no need to see this man again, or him you.
The fact that you've already got other evidence would mean it's worth pursuing. This is harassment.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:40

I'll give it a go. No harm in it I suppose!

OP posts:
Tenementfunster · 28/02/2016 18:42

Call women's aid

curlywurly4 · 28/02/2016 19:05

If he already lives two streets away, how much closer dies he need to be really? I would report him for harassment and talk to Women's Aid.

Sorry you've been lumbered with this, must be very stressful.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 19:10

I think thesis less about proximity and doing this to one of my friend. There are a few houses on street up for sale

OP posts:
Babynamechange · 28/02/2016 19:12

Oh OP, I feel so bad for you :( this is just utterly rubbish
To be honest, I wouldn't waste my breath on trying to explain to her how you feel. Let your silence say it all.
As for the situation, as the others have said throughout the thread, it is more than likely to fall through anyway and then this woman will find out exactly the type of person she has decided to do business with..

This is not a reflection on you or the situation...please remember that ...and don't let people like her try and minimise this for you. They really have no idea. Some people are just clueless arseholes but there's loads of lovely people out there too. Don't waste anymore time on this idiot xxx

TheChimpParadox · 28/02/2016 19:14

Sorry to hear that it is you OP. But hopefully you can see fern the thread what the majority think of your 'friend'.

Hope it gets worked out for the best ( for you ! )

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 19:25

Thank you. This thread has helped me, even if I went about it in the wrong way. No more reverses, I promise.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 28/02/2016 19:27

Stop putting yourself down OP, just remember how many people were on your side before they even knew it was a reverse.

ohforfoxsake · 28/02/2016 19:30

I think you should speak to women's Aid or the police and talk it through. If you've raised a concern it might be useful in the future.

And your friend is a cunt.

TheDayIBroke · 28/02/2016 19:32

OP she would no longer be my friend after this. I would consider her acceptance of his offer (given all you've told her about him) a massive smack in the face, and enabling him to continue his harassment of you. Angry

No, she is not a nice friend. Flowers I'm so sorry Sad.

dumbbelle · 28/02/2016 19:34

Flowers We're all on your side, OP.

"Friend" is no friend. Dump her immediately. Try the Freedom program, get out as much as you can, and make new friends. She's shit at it, clearly.

Fettuccinecarbonara · 28/02/2016 19:36

Put your house on the market!

If there are others for sale on the street you're presumably not gong to be desperately upsetting buyers as they'd have other options (assuming the houses are similar).

Might stop him buying your friend's house.

bringbacksideburns · 28/02/2016 19:37

You poor woman. I feel sick on your behalf. Your 'friend' has showed her true colours and I'm sorry. She did this knowing full well your history.
I really would seek advice about this OP. He wants to move from 2 streets away to the same street as you. It's weird. You need to speak to someone and sort out rigid times/ dates for him to see kids if you haven't already and get legal advice. You don't want him communicating with you about anything else. It's harassment.

I hope he's just playing mind games, the sale falls through and she ends up out of pocket. I'd never speak to her again.

Pannacott · 28/02/2016 19:44

I'm really glad this is a reverse actually, I was finding it so upsetting that someone was planning to do this and felt no compunction about it. I hope you feel heartened that everyone agreed with you OP, that this was totally out or order for her to facilitate your abusive ex.

I agree with PP that you don't have to have contact with him, can you arrange for someone else to do handovers? Also, I don't know much about this but hopefully worth speaking to someone from DV team or Women's Aid about what behaviour you can and can't be protected from? And get a bit of support. It sounds grim but hopefully at some point in the future when the kids are older he'll be out of your life. Good luck.

MissBeaHaving · 28/02/2016 19:45

Woah Op,when I started reading I was horrified & now I've come to the end even more so!

With friends like her who needs enemies,I would never do this to a friend & can't understand the mindset of someone who would.
I agree with pp about reporting for stalking,you shouldn't have to live your life feeling monitored & abuse is comes in many forms not just violence.
It sounds like your ex still can't let go.

Wizwo · 28/02/2016 19:46

Your "friend" isn't a friend at all.

It is quite possible your ex won't move at all and is just trying to mess with your head and isolate you from friends, but in case this is for real, look into reporting his harassment of you and getting a restraining order preventing him from moving into your street. Speak to Women's Aid.

I would tell the friend that you're really disappointed she's chosen to enable him further harassing you, and then drop her, as she obviously doesn't take this seriously.

I still think he sounds dangerous.

Don't worry about the reverse aibu - he's the manipulative one, not you.

Flowers
OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 28/02/2016 19:50

No

ColdTeaAgain · 28/02/2016 19:50

It's ok OP, I was hoping this was a reverse.

Sometimes it's a good way to gauge opinion on a situation and I think people's responses have answered that question for you! I do hope you continue to use MN for support. As much as you say she's really nice usually etc etc, I honestly can't see how any good friend would put you in this position. I see no reason why she couldn't wait a bit longer for another buyer to come along. She is just putting herself first.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/02/2016 19:54

I don't think you should talk to your former friend at all. Silence speaks volumes.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 19:57

I will seek legal, womans aid advice as I think ive normalised this behaviour which has been going on for years. This thread has helped put it back in perspective. I was beginning to think if a friend could participate in this then maybe it wasn't so bad.

OP posts:
ChubbyPolecat · 28/02/2016 19:59

Your friend is absolutely not your friend at all. If she was she wouldn't even consider it. It might be understandable if it had been on for months with no interest but not after days

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/02/2016 20:16

Agreed.

Have they exchanged yet or do they have a date?

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 20:19

No, she just accepted his offer

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 28/02/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.