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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
Blu · 28/02/2016 18:12

OP, it did seem like a reverse, because it is such a bizarre way for a friend to behave.

No, I would not, not in any way, do the same as what your friend is doing, in her shoes.

Have you told her?

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:12

I don't know... I just wanted an opinion if I was right to feel upset. It is my first reverse and it didn't feel nice. I was wrong

OP posts:
FuckYouJamieOliver · 28/02/2016 18:16

What are you going to text back ?

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:18

Nothing. Shes accepted. She is very nice and a new friending made since moving to this area.

She knows the situation with ex who is always doing stuff like this. Sometimes I genuinely wonder if its me who is the problem as people in real life are like, 'so what?' And this is just another normalized thing

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 18:20

Oh god op, so your 'friend' has shitted on you Sad. I would not text anything, she is a spineless coward, and could not even meet you face to face. I woukd want nothing more to do with her, she is no friend of yours!

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:20

Shes not moving because of job. I had to change few details as don't want to identify anyone. Its nothing pressing though, more lifestyle.

I was honest about timings, etc, and the text

OP posts:
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:21

Sorry Aeroflot and others for deceit. I felt really manipulative.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 18:21

Not as nice as you thought.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 18:22

I can understand how hurt you feel, you did not need to do a reverse to get our opinions.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:22

I just wondered if others would accept, if push came to shove and we were out of hypothetical world

OP posts:
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:23

I understand that now. I am very sorry.

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 28/02/2016 18:24

Ok so serious advice, I would tell her you understand it's her decision, and can't expect her to make a major financial sacrifice for you, but that she should bare in mind he has "form" in messing people about and not caring if his actions cause other people problems, therefore she shouldn't be surprised if he messes her about or gazzunders.

Or tell her that it's fine as you are planning to move yourself in the next year, you'll just bring forward getting your place on the market, and just to warn her that if he is only buying it to upset you, there's a good chance he'll pull out of the purchase when he finds out you are leaving, hopefully that won't leave her high and dry... (You don't have to be moving, be fun watching her panic)

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/02/2016 18:24

Nope. Doesn't matter if it's a reverse or not, it was still a shitty thing of her to do.

How long before you can move out of the street then?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 18:25

That's ok Flowers, your 'friend', did an incredibly nasty and horrid thing to you Sad.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:26

Couple of years but so what, he'd just follow

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 18:27

Can you get a restraining order, or something.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:28

Good advice dino about saying I'm moving but seriously, this guy is really hawk like and investigative. Cant get restraining as he's not been physically abusive. But I did, and do, feel monitored.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:31

Hes legally able to live wherever he likes.

I tried when he wanted to be my neighbour.

You prob think I'm winding up about this too but this is the situation. I can get my head around that but not when others facilitate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:32

As in my friend after ive confided in her

OP posts:
Tenementfunster · 28/02/2016 18:33

Surely it's worth going to police about this surveillance/ harassment? It doesn't have to be physical to have grounds for a restraining order maybe? These loons that go round stalking people without laying a finger on the victim can be prosecuted.
Your neighbour is a selfish arsehole

OhShutUpThomas · 28/02/2016 18:35

She's not nice.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:36

Ive tried and he was advised to stop certain behaviours but don't want to stop him from seeing dc. Life is so complicated. Its good to vent with people who don't know me as I try not to drag people into this in real life

OP posts:
RitaVinTease · 28/02/2016 18:36

Report him him for stalking, and cut her out of your life. Harassment ans stalking dont have to be physical to be controlling or abusive.

It doesnt matter if the police dont take any action this time, you need to get something on record. and start to keep an event diary if you havent already.

Flowers
Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 18:38

But is it stalking? His argument is that hes so close for the kids!

OP posts:
Dumdiddlydum · 28/02/2016 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.