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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hell with the skinny police

250 replies

HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 19:58

I'm size 16 (big, at 5'4")

So is my mum. My mum has been bigger (I think) but I reckon she has been a size 16 for about 20 years.

She is 73. She swims, gardens, walks, runs a little business, is absolutely brilliant at minding small children, she sews, she cooks a lot, travels a lot, checks in on anyone around who has an illness or a problem, and entertains fabulously. She is never ill, never has a sleepless night, has health checks when they are offered on the NHS and they never throw up anything to worry about.

I have worried about my weight my whole life, and yo yo dieted constantly, and had on-off eating disorders. I have hidden from taking part in things I might have enjoyed because I will be seen to be too fat while doing them. I have fainted, cried, and had horrific anxiety attacks while under the influence of hunger. I've then reacted against that and had horribly unenjoyable bouts of overeating.

I am sick to death of it. fuck that noise. I am going to wake up tomorrow and change my life. I am going to eat three good meals a day, consisting of lots of vegetables, along with any other damn thing I want to eat. I am going to avoid alcohol, white bread, refined sugar (except as very special treats), and other than that I am going to eat ANYTHING I WANT.

I doubt I will put on weight but if I do I don't give a fuck. There are no fucks left in my heart to give about this. I have reached peak fatness-fucks. I am scanning the horizon with an extremely powerful telescope and THERE ARE NO FUCKS. I don't CARE. I have HAD ENOUGH.

If anyone bleats at me about "health" and "obesity" I will play a little movie in my head of a pissed, 8 stone, desperately miserable person vomiting into a toilet and then mentally give the bleater a MASSIVE kick up the arse (like Father Ted and Bishop Brennon). then I will laugh and get on with my life.

Does anyone want to join me?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 28/02/2016 12:31

Sorry for typos. I have a badly broken right arm so am working slowly with my left hand (I am right handed).

PixieChops · 28/02/2016 12:44

My stepdad is overweight but I know for a fact he's probably fitter than me. I used to be able to run when I was younger and now I have 2 kids so don't get chance and don't have the motivation to. I'm sure even OP is healthier than me.
The whole weight thing annoys me- I had a lot of bugger women posting ridiculous things on Facebook such as "men prefer curves" well men prefer whatever they prefer. Not only that surely you should love yourself before wondering what any man thinks of you.
Maybe I did go off on a tangent and read to much into things that weren't there but as mentioned it's a very personal issue to me that hurt me a lot as a child and as a teenager growing up. It's not nice to be asked if you're going to go and throw up your lunch by a year 11 lad because there's nothing left on your plate and you're that tiny there's more meat on a butchers pencil.

Thefitfatty · 28/02/2016 12:48

PixieChops sounds like you and the OP are in the same boat. You're both sick of hearing the concern trolling and the negative attitudes toward your weight. Perhaps you should follow her lead and just love yourself. :)

PixieChops · 28/02/2016 12:54

Pretty sure I do love myself. Otherwise I would've continued being in shitty relationships with useless men. I'm now in a very stable relationship and engaged to be married with 2 lovely children. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I worry about my son and daughter going through the same thing when they get older.

Titsywoo · 28/02/2016 13:20

Stopping dieting is a good thing definitely. Being a size 16 could be overweight or obese depending on where you shop though to be honest. I don't think being obese is healthy (and I am obese!) but I would never strive to be skinny just healthy and I think even being a bit overweight is still healthy if you get all the nutrients you need in your diet and you exercise. Being slim is not a guarantee for a healthy life but neither is being fat - a lot of things are down to genetics anyway.

hmcAsWas · 28/02/2016 13:45

"It was really obvious you were talking about your own eating disorder in the OP confused I don't know why people keep quoting it"

No frankly it really wasn't. Whilst I wasn't one of the posters to pounce on the OP (because I read further down the thread and saw the OP's subsequent clarification), on first reading I found the opening post ambiguous.

BunnyTyler · 28/02/2016 14:36

I thought it was quite obvious it was about herself, hence I was Confused at all the people jumping on her for it.

hmcAsWas · 28/02/2016 14:59

You might have a point Bunny, if only one poster had misunderstood the OP's intent, but since several did then its palpably clear that it wasn't obvious at all

louise987 · 28/02/2016 15:02

On-off eating disorders? Don't think it's that simple and find it insulting when this 'diagnosis' is overused.

Unhealthy attitude to food does not equal eating disorder and all the difficulties that come with them.

DaisyChain78 · 28/02/2016 15:06

I'm 8 stone, bulimic and have a very problematic relationship with alcohol. Really really pleased you've decided to own your relationship with food but don't put other people down.

BunnyTyler · 28/02/2016 15:18

She hasn't put anyone else down Daisy.

Bluebolt · 28/02/2016 15:23

I read and I agree but then feel a total hypocrite as I have a teenage daughter and I do not want her to believe a size 16 (I am short) is normal or healthy. My knees do not allow me to go above a size 14 as I like to run and they hurt if I am overweight. The only weight police I have ever encountered is the one in my own head.

Owllady · 28/02/2016 15:40

It was obvious and by the third post quoting it the op had already intervened. You need to all be a bit more supportive of one another. Sometimes things aren't just about you, they are about the person writing the post Confused peace, love and shit

IceBeing · 28/02/2016 16:00

skinny police = cosmetics industry; all other advertisers selling thin = happy=successful; people who bang on about being skinny as something to aspire to either separately or because of the implied (false) link to happiness and success.

skinny police =/= skinny people.

HTH

Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 28/02/2016 16:21

Daisy Flowers for you

OP posts:
Mumof2twoboys · 28/02/2016 20:49

It's not just skinny people equates to skinny police
What about people with big noses compared to those who don't making the people born with big noses feel like they need to have a nose job

There is so much pressure to look good for everyone not just fat people. But normal people who are skinny/slim they also feel pressure to make improvements

It's the attitude behind it really. To want to better yourself instead of saying f that and pretending you don't care

As op has mentioned... simply starting this thread proves that you do care about being overweight

ZiggyFartdust · 28/02/2016 21:29

Perhaps people are judging you more for your bitchy attitude rather than your weight.
I very much doubt anyone gives two fucks what you eat, wear, or weigh. Don't blame your issues on everyone else.

Ginkypig · 28/02/2016 23:03

(Some) People on here are so sensitive or are trying to get their opinion posted so quickly about this issue they are not reading what has been said.

Some of the posts on here are really quite nasty on a thread that should have been a discussion about how to be happy and healthy at whatever size they are!

Why can't we just have a non biased discussion without thing descending into defensiveness and insults?

tobysmum77 · 29/02/2016 08:37

It's the attitude behind it really. To want to better yourself instead of saying f that and pretending you don't care

So looking 'good' (whatever that means) is bettering yourself rofl, you must be a laugh a minute. Personally I would see it as progress in education or learning a new skill.

Mumof2twoboys · 29/02/2016 08:42

She said her mum is 73. Therefore I assume she finished her education many moons ago

ToastDemon · 29/02/2016 08:44

Can someone actually confirm what the OPs "bitchy attitude" was? Because I'm not seeing it. What I have seen is a bunch of people take things very personally and be quite unpleasant, and I can't understand how that's warranted.
Weight and diets seem to be very fraught topics.

tobysmum77 · 29/02/2016 08:46

You are missing my point. Seeing 'improving' your appearance as bettering yourself is as shallow a comment as I have ever heard. But there's no point in us having a discussion about it because we obviously think completely differently.

MartinaJ · 29/02/2016 08:54

I'm size 6, in my 40s so I don't think my weight will change dramatically unless there's a total change in my lifestyle. What I don't get though is how threads which start with a rant about "fat-bashing" end up with the "skinny-bashing". I don't give a flying feck about anyone's weight but mine. I don't know you, I don't know if you are sick or simply love your food. Seeing really morbidly obese people fills me with dread but that's personal - my Grandfather was morbidly obese most of his life, simply because of his love of food and he died a horribly painful death, screaming in agony of a horrendous heart attack. Other than that - be as you are and if you decide you want to be a size 6 or a size 16, just be happy about it. There's nothing as miserable and toxic as a person who's constantly unhappy with her/himself.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 29/02/2016 08:57

The bitchy attitude is displayed in the Op's angry responses to posters who perhaps misinterpreted some of her original post. They ranged from sneering at someone's ability to understand a metaphor, telling people they couldn't read and insinuating that posters were drunk if they didn't share her views.

I agree it's an emotive subject.

Mumof2twoboys · 29/02/2016 09:07

Tobymum So instead of improving her appearance which she obviously has an issue with, or why else post for advice...
You're calling me shallow and saying she should return to education in midlife. How much money and how many years are you suggesting she puts into this new education pathway that she realistically won't get a lifetime out of. How much student debt should she take on?

People are shallow. I am shallow, most people are. I want to look good.
Most people want to look good

Society is shallow. That's why we wear make up and buy nice clothes and go to the hairdresser and try to be the best version of oneself.

Some people don't wear makeup but let's face it they never look good. Some people go too far and wear too much and also don't look good. But that is not the norm.

People will judge you even if you pretend not to care. That's just life