to hell with the skinny police

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

I'm size 16 (big, at 5'4")

So is my mum. My mum has been bigger (I think) but I reckon she has been a size 16 for about 20 years.

She is 73. She swims, gardens, walks, runs a little business, is absolutely brilliant at minding small children, she sews, she cooks a lot, travels a lot, checks in on anyone around who has an illness or a problem, and entertains fabulously. She is never ill, never has a sleepless night, has health checks when they are offered on the NHS and they never throw up anything to worry about.

I have worried about my weight my whole life, and yo yo dieted constantly, and had on-off eating disorders. I have hidden from taking part in things I might have enjoyed because I will be seen to be too fat while doing them. I have fainted, cried, and had horrific anxiety attacks while under the influence of hunger. I've then reacted against that and had horribly unenjoyable bouts of overeating.

I am sick to death of it. fuck that noise. I am going to wake up tomorrow and change my life. I am going to eat three good meals a day, consisting of lots of vegetables, along with any other damn thing I want to eat. I am going to avoid alcohol, white bread, refined sugar (except as very special treats), and other than that I am going to eat ANYTHING I WANT.

I doubt I will put on weight but if I do I don't give a fuck. There are no fucks left in my heart to give about this. I have reached peak fatness-fucks. I am scanning the horizon with an extremely powerful telescope and THERE ARE NO FUCKS. I don't CARE. I have HAD ENOUGH.

If anyone bleats at me about "health" and "obesity" I will play a little movie in my head of a pissed, 8 stone, desperately miserable person vomiting into a toilet and then mentally give the bleater a MASSIVE kick up the arse (like Father Ted and Bishop Brennon). then I will laugh and get on with my life.

Does anyone want to join me?

I think focusing on eating well and sensibly and not forbidding yourself things is just fine. I've lost 3 stone on just such a regime. I don't worry about food at all, I enjoy it. I have a drink on weekends. There is no stress. I will be whatever size I end up - currently size 18 at almost 6 ft tall, but my clothes are loose. 16 seems to be my natural fit, but we'll see.

I wouldn't dream of body shaming anyone whatever shape they are - we have all shapes and sizes in my office and we all support what we are trying to do in order to live well and be happy.

Sorry you had such a miserable time of it earlier in your life and well done making peace with yourself.

Fair enough OP. It sounded like you were saying all thin people are miserable and unhealthy! Sorry you went through that.

Right FairyCaravan gets a free pass because it might have taken her 5 minutes to type her post so she might have an excuse not to have read my update

Anyone else who moans that I am being unfair to slim people is just looking for stuff to bleat about and can't be arsed to read properly, so they're getting the mental kick up the arse treatment too

(by the way - pretending to kick someone up the arse in your head doesn't actually hurt them. HTH)

OP, if that's the right thing for you, and it sounds like it is, then yay!

I've been there OP and it sucks. I was the 8 stone person with my head down the toilet every night. I was trapped in hell and wanted to die; couldn't see any way out.

It's possible to find a way out; it's called growing up and taking responsibility for your actions. Sorry, that's harsh.

As long as you are healthy and happy in yourself with your body, then fuck all to do with anyone else.

On the other side of the coin I've spent as long as I can remember listening to the fatty police make snide comments about my thinness, and came to the same conclusion, that they could fuck off too. (Btw op I guessed your 8 stone comment was referring to yourself too, so I don't mean the latter as a sly yabu to body shame skinnies)

I'm 8 stone and a 6. I'm not bulimic or even a dieter. Embrace your true self but don't skinny shame

It didn't take me 5 mins to type my post, I didn't refresh the thread before I posted because I've had loading issues with MN all day.

There are no fucks left in my heart to give about this. I have reached peak fatness-fucks. I am scanning the horizon with an extremely powerful telescope and THERE ARE NO FUCKS.

Love this. And love the sentiment of your post. And I don't think you were skinny shaming, fwiw.

SHE ISNT SKINNY SHAMING!

RTFT.

I agree with Tattie. I make the skinny category, but never in my life, have I heard any derogatory comments directed towards larger women. I have heard a lot of bitterness directed towards slim women though, it's as if we are hated by some due to our body shape. If you are happy being a size 16, then good for you but please don't assume we all have an eating disorder or are unhappy.You could not be further from the truth.

Got a bit carried away there. Sorry

Sorry, to be clear the 8 stone pissed person vomiting in the toilet was me

I thought it may be

I am the same height and size as you. I was also that miserable, vomiting, 8 stone person having fainting spells and allowing myself to only digest a slice of bread and three wafer slices of ham per day.

I won't be joining you, I'm still trying to find a balance, trying to lose weight without going full-obsessive and eventually failing to resist the urge to binge and purge. I'm doing pretty well so far, but it's so, so hard not to slip back, isn't it? Constant battle.

Good for you OP.

I recently read a book called eating less : say goodbye to overeating by gillian riley...to u might find it helpful to back up your new attitude OP, it goes on about why diets don't work and helps to switch your mindset onto health instead of weight. I've found it incredibly helpful

I wish you well OP. I don't think you were skinny shaming and from your OP.

I've found that I don't cut anything out. e.g. white bread, refined sugars, junk food etc - I just eat what I want in moderation. I know that's easier said than done but as you've already pointed out; being a slave to a diet is incredibly depressing and often counter-productive.

There is a middle ground between not caring about your weight at all and throwing up to be thin. Part of being a healthy person is monitoring these things. Giving zero fucks when you're overweight is akin to ignoring chronic chest pains or visual problems or any other health issue.

For someone who "doesn't give a fuck" you sure do seem to feel strongly about it.

Being overweight is unhealthy, end of story. Your mum may be fine but she is the exception, not the rule.

For years I yo-yoed up and down, stressing and straining before I faced the psychological aspect of my weight problems. I learned that part of having a good body image and liking yourself is taking care of yourself. If you're overweight you're not taking care of yourself.

Nobody is "destined" to be fat or thin (serious medical conditions aside).

I am going to wake up tomorrow and change my life.

Is not a terribly helpful attitude and people who take this approach often set themselves up to fail and the cycle begins again. These things take time to overcome, slow and steady changes, altering your behavior in a controlled way over time is the best approach to these kind of ingrained things. Giving yourself permission to be happy with who you are and changing things takes time. That kind of black and white thinking can be problematic.

I also went to overeaters anonymous for a while and found it very helpful so there is that to consider too.

Does no one rtft any more

I'm with you OP.

This was pretty much my New Years resolution and I'm feeling better now.

I refuse to diet ever again.

OP it was obvious from your first post that you were referring to your past self.

Best of luck with embracing the brilliance of your body.

I read the thread before commenting and am glad I did since I came across your explanation that the 8 stone vomiting person was you in a previous phase. If I hadn't read that I may have posted something quite caustic. Why don't you ask MN HQ if you can reword your opening post, otherwise you are going to get every other poster berating you for skinny shaming? (we can't expect everyone to rtft - especially when it gets beyond a certain number of pages)

Also, very best of luck with your new approach. You sound positive and energised and I hope that it goes really well for you

I'm not sure who the 'skinny police' is - no one else really cares about your weight you know.

I wish more people had this attitude and I hope it works out for you.
I have watched close relatives waste years being miserable trying to change their weight and body shape when they were absolutely lovely as they were.
I really fucking hate all this skinny=healthy fat=evil any way round it goes.
I am small and have my mother's metabolism - can eat for Britain and nothing happens - but the amount of people who think it's OK to comment on "oh chips and coke for lunch, lucky you" or "salad that'll be why you're nice and slim".
The way the world in general views womens weight/size is totally messed up.
Be healthy, eat a little of what you fancy, be happy, fuck everyone else.
(Your mum sounds great.)

Absolutely with you Op, as a size 22 at Xmas, who has only just realised that I am Good and Funny and A Good Mum I have focused on being Good to me. I was horrid when I was 8st because all I had going was thin. I've lost 20lb and feel amazing, because I don't care anymore how other people see me and eat crap because I feel crap. I fucking Rock. And anyone who doesn't see that is dispensable (in terms of not giving fucks, I'm not actually going after with crossbows)
Be your own biggest fan. No fucker else will.

I'm 5ft., 4in and a size 12/10. I was once an 18. Just be happy with what you are and what your body can do.

OP, I was that 8 stone vomiting person too, for two years in my late teens. I come from a family riddled with eating disorders. I feel like my mum can't ever really be happy with me unless I'm thin enough (despite my doctorate, job I love, generally trying to be a good person).

i haven't weighed myself in ages, but last time I checked I was definitely of an obese BMI. I do not give a shiny shite. I swim every day, I eat what I fancy and don't feel bad. I'm a 16 and 5 ft 9. I have struggled and still struggle with MH issues and tbh my mental health is my priority. When the lovely women I work with talk about being fat, feeling like a heifer or avoiding 'naughty' food, I switch off. I'm not going to engage. Some of them are overweight but they look lovely to me, and are kind, smart, fun people. Some I'm pretty sure are just fishing to be told they're not fat. I feel sorry for them but I'm not getting sucked in. Been there, lived it, not going back.

Cheers to you, OP. Getting over bulimia is no easy thing (I know) and you deserve to love yourself. As do we all.