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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hell with the skinny police

250 replies

HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 19:58

I'm size 16 (big, at 5'4")

So is my mum. My mum has been bigger (I think) but I reckon she has been a size 16 for about 20 years.

She is 73. She swims, gardens, walks, runs a little business, is absolutely brilliant at minding small children, she sews, she cooks a lot, travels a lot, checks in on anyone around who has an illness or a problem, and entertains fabulously. She is never ill, never has a sleepless night, has health checks when they are offered on the NHS and they never throw up anything to worry about.

I have worried about my weight my whole life, and yo yo dieted constantly, and had on-off eating disorders. I have hidden from taking part in things I might have enjoyed because I will be seen to be too fat while doing them. I have fainted, cried, and had horrific anxiety attacks while under the influence of hunger. I've then reacted against that and had horribly unenjoyable bouts of overeating.

I am sick to death of it. fuck that noise. I am going to wake up tomorrow and change my life. I am going to eat three good meals a day, consisting of lots of vegetables, along with any other damn thing I want to eat. I am going to avoid alcohol, white bread, refined sugar (except as very special treats), and other than that I am going to eat ANYTHING I WANT.

I doubt I will put on weight but if I do I don't give a fuck. There are no fucks left in my heart to give about this. I have reached peak fatness-fucks. I am scanning the horizon with an extremely powerful telescope and THERE ARE NO FUCKS. I don't CARE. I have HAD ENOUGH.

If anyone bleats at me about "health" and "obesity" I will play a little movie in my head of a pissed, 8 stone, desperately miserable person vomiting into a toilet and then mentally give the bleater a MASSIVE kick up the arse (like Father Ted and Bishop Brennon). then I will laugh and get on with my life.

Does anyone want to join me?

OP posts:
BluePancakes · 27/02/2016 21:11

Have you read Health at Every Size? That's a good book (there's probably an associated website too). I also follow The Fat Girl's Guide to Running, which I find quite inspirational. I'm also 5'4 and a size 16, and don't think I've been fitter in my life!

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 27/02/2016 21:13

vintage size 16 is only 'average' due to the amount of obese and overweight females!!! It's not healthy unless you are 7 feet tall

HanYOLO · 27/02/2016 21:15

I make the skinny category, but never in my life, have I heard any derogatory comments directed towards larger women.

I'm not sure who the 'skinny police' is - no one else really cares about your weight you know.

Obviously neither of these posters get out much/consume any media/read anything on this very forum Hmm. Or as slender types, they are just blissfully unaware.

Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 21:15

Hennifer, read the 20:38 post

"Giving zero fucks when you're overweight is akin to ignoring chronic chest pains or visual problems or any other health issue. "

There is a very judgemental attitude towards people who are perceived to be overweight.

I know that there are a lot of people in this country who are heavier than they could be but the judgemental attitude is part of the problem and nothing to do with the solution

Health is a personal thing. Everyone has trade-offs that they have to make in order to do things for their health. Sometimes the doctors advise an operation, but of course that carries risks: in the case of the patient they are advising, they believe they've assessed the risks and the operation is the right thing to do. Some people take medication with side effects, for good reasons. Some people take part in exercise that will knacker their knees, but keeps their heart in good shape. Some people work a job that isn't great for their health, but being in work is in general healthier than being broke and on benefits (all other things being equal) and so they make the choice to keep going (maybe while they look for another job).

In my case, dieting is absolutely appallingly bad for my mental and ultimately physical health. If I could drop two stone while in excellent therapy, receiving plenty of emotional support, while having plenty of sleep, while working gently in an emotionally and intellectually rewarding job, while a series of balanced and delicious meals and snacks were being made available so that I could eat regularly and sparingly while never being in danger of fainting from hunger - if I could do all that then maybe I would come out the other side healthier. But that's not my life. The informed choice that I am making about my health is to lift that pressure to be slim, generally try to avoid 3 forms of junk, and get on with my life, enjoying things as much as possible. I reckon it's a wise choice.

OP posts:
thegiddylimit · 27/02/2016 21:18

Good for you. Maybe copy your Mum and do some exercise as well, the endorphins will be good for you (although after massively increasing my exercise over the last year I can say exercise will not help you lose weight, I do have great muscles under the fat though Grin).

Vintage45 · 27/02/2016 21:18

Who says a size 16 isn't fine?

Im 5ft 6 and probably a 15 if there was such a size. Im healthy and happy. I feel no need whatsoever to loose weight.

Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 21:19

Thank you to everyone who understands and sends support Flowers Flowers

I am really pissed off about that "ignoring chest pains" remark! It's stupid and ignorant. In my case my overweight is an indicator of psychological and emotional problems, is associated with NO physical ones, and dieting is a cause not a solution. It is really stupid dangerous and wrong to keep peddling ignorant things like that. I really do wish people who know nothing would just shut up.

OP posts:
Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:20

Erm Han, that's a bit of a leap to make. You know nothing about my experiences, or my weight.

I was confused by the term 'skinny police'.

The OP has now explained that it refers (I think?) to people who have concerns about the weight of larger people.

I don't know if I would call that being judgmental, myself.

maybebabybee · 27/02/2016 21:21

Oh bore off mumontherun

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:21

Isn't it less healthy though to be markedly overweight?

I thought this was just medical fact tbh.

BluePancakes · 27/02/2016 21:25

Isn't it less healthy though to be markedly overweight?

Morbidly obese, yes.

However, it is healthier to be proportionately overweight, than it is to be that same proportion but underweight. And on top of that, it depends where the weight is (hips and bum is much healthier than round your waist), so if you weigh less, but have a bulging tummy that is much more unhealthy than a heavier person with thunder thighs.

Fortunately for the OP (and me) 5'4 and size 16 is NOT morbidly overweight.

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:26

Oh, well in that case, why would anyone criticise your weight? I wouldn't, not that I would anyway, because it's your business and no one else's.

Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 21:27

no hennifer, is isn't.

there are some conditions which tend statistically to be correlated with overweight/ obsesity. But this is not the same as causality. It is perhaps the case that unhealthy lifestyles might make one prone to a, over weight and b. high blood pressure. or a. overweight and b. diabetes. and so on . but no matter what they say A DOES NOT CAUSE B

so if you decide you don't care about your weight, but you do care about being healthy, you are likely not to lose weight (because some people just don't; because a history of yo yo dieting causes your body to hang onto fat; because exercise can make you heavier; and so on) - but you are not likely to suddenly have hypertension, diabetes, and fall over from a heart attack.

Smoking is terrible for you, but a lot of people who give up smoking put on weight. it would be obvious nonsense to advise them that they would be healthier to take it up again, just for the number on the scales. There are a million equivalent truths about a million other lifestyle factors

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 27/02/2016 21:27

Hmm, giving up alcohol, white bread (brown isn't significantly better for you) and refined sugar sounds rather like being on a diet to me. I mean, saying "I'll eat whatever I want" - but putting in restrictions that take out cake, biscuits, sweets, non-'diet' fizzy drinks, most bread and alcohol is basically just going on a diet, just not telling yourself you are "on a diet".

Are those changes ones you can keep up long term or are you setting yourself up to fail again? That sounds like a lot of changes to make in one go, and still focussed on restricting the types of foods you eat, which is a very "diet" mindset.

It might be more mentally healthy to stop making lists of banned things. Stop saying "I won't have XYZ" because that's easy to fail when you do have them. Better to say, "I'll have at least 2 types of veg on my plate for every lunch and dinner, and 2 pieces of fruit each day as snacks." if you want other snacks as well, fine, but you might find you have filled yourself up on "healthier" foods and don't feel the need, but haven't banned anything.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/02/2016 21:28

It was ok, until you started mentioning avoiding things unless a special treat, that is exactly the same mindset you have always been in.
If you really want to say bollocks to it, then do, all of it.

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:29

Hang on - the NHS calculator (sorry) does say a BMI of 38 is obese.

It also says a BMI of 62 is obese.

Where is the morbidly obese line?

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:30

those are just examples btw

I was trying to find morbidly obese. It doesn't seem to be on there.

Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 21:31

Hennifer, why do you care? Do you think you might be near it?

OP posts:
Original poster
HowBadIsThisPlease · 27/02/2016 21:33

hm Dinosaurs and Brillo, I hope you aren't right.

the reason why I said those things is because they are associated with bingeing for me. they are trigger foods; and I don't think they are necessary. I have low-carbed which excludes a huge number of very ordinary things like rice and spaghetti, and it really started to get me down after a while. but it excluded all my binge foods and that was good.

binge eating is not fun. It is not a laugh, it is not something I should build into my life for enjoyment and pleasure. I am trying to find a way to eat in a way that includes what my body needs, includes pleasure, but excludes the misery of bingeing.

OP posts:
Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:35

I'm just interested because someone mentioned that being morbidly obese was where it began to be a health issue. My own BMI is higher than I would like it to be.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 27/02/2016 21:35

Current medical research seems to be pointing towards the healthiest BMI to be around 26, or just into the 'overweight' category.

Which is why all those people who previously told us chubsters off, are currently eating more to get into that category, because health is what it's all about.

Oh no, wait...

BluePancakes · 27/02/2016 21:37

30 obese

40 morbidly obese

Not hard to find with a quick google. Hmm

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:38

Who told you off? I suggest you tell them to fuck off.

BluePancakes · 27/02/2016 21:38

And that's, of course, assuming you think BMI is a good indicator of health and fitness. which, incidentally, many medics don't, but as yet it's the best generalised indicator we have, but may not be accurate for the individual

Hennifer · 27/02/2016 21:38

Sorry for not googling properly Hmm