is this way too much for an 8 year old??

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

Son is learning guitar and vilion at school with some practise (not enough I'm sure) at home.
He goes to Cubs once a week
Fencing once a week.
Life Guarding once a week

At the weekend he has a swimming lesson and tennis.

He loves guitar, cubs and fencing. He is a good swimmer but now needs to stop lessons and either join the squad (train 3 times a week) or just swim once a week as part of a fun junior team. He would rather just play than swim seriously.

It all feels quite a lot! With homework too.......or is this just the norm??

Oh, I thought it might be Suzuki.........

I started Suzuki and moved to a conventional teacher once I'd finished the syllabus.

As per the thread title. I think it's really important to get balance in children's lives and not stack up too much activity. While it may be enjoyable I think it can be stressful in a way that's not necessarily obvious.

Because my children do music seriously - they're now doing 1.5 hrs on two instruments (1 hr for the first 30 mins for the second), on top of homework I think that's plenty. They're bilingual as my husband's French (and at a bilingual school) so I consider a language outside school un-necessary.

However my daughter is obsessed with gymnastics and horses and, as a forceful personality, is absolutely determined to do extra gym classes weekly and riding lessons. I'd have thought it would be too much but she loves it and is totally committed to both. My son's more laid back and just does a bit of extra sport.

I agree with everyone who says that children need downtime. Some children seem to have schedules that would challenge a CEO, I'm not convinced it's necessary.

Tripple yes I do sometimes feel we don't have enough chill time. But then when they are at home I spend my whole time telling to get off their tablets and play with toys/draw etc. I do feel like we have a house full of craft kits, colouring books, puzzles, board games nobody gets round to playing. But if they had more free time they would (given half a chance) spend it watching TV or playing on tablets.

In terms of keeping up with it all, I am just in a rhythm juggling all the balls I guess. Also I teach extra-curricular French so my hours are very random - the odd hour here and there at different times. I'm okay unless something changes. At the beginning of this term I forgot to go to a class I was supposed to teach. The class time hadn't changed but my kids activities on that day had changed and scrambled my brain!

My DD (9) isnt hugely bright, ambitious, forceful or outgoing. She does do lots of extra curricular stuff. Some because she loves it (Brownies - Guides soon), some for fitness (football, netball, gym), some because she wanted to try it and has stuck with it (recorder, flute) and some because I've pushed them a bit as I think they will be good for her to be involved in as she gets older (band x 2).

Amongst those we tried out and didnt continue are ballet, tennis, cross country, horse riding and guitar. I'm pleased she's had the opportunity to try lots of stuff.

when I was young, I did no extra activities and was happy with nose in book or hanging out endlessly with neighbouring bff. I would have hated organised, forced activity, just wanted to loll around reading or go for walks. However, bff did everything, choir, ballet, guides, church stuff, every night something. Both of us were happy with our lot - it suited each of our characters. So up to how you feel your DC is enjoying - key is enjoyment not achievement I believe.

OP, glad to see someone else doing fencing, my 9 yr old DD does that too but it doesn't often get mentioned. She also does Brownies, dancing, swimming and plays an instrument - so seems quite similar. I have no illusion she will carry on with all these things but as it stands she enjoys them all.

"But if they had more free time they would (given half a chance) spend it watching TV or playing on tablets"

Would that be so bad? No difference in my mind between watching TV and reading most fiction. Or between playing on a tablet and doing a jigsaw.

When I was younger, I was ballet-daft. Had books with the positions and stories of the ballets. Lived for my weekly class. When I was 7, my mum stopped putting me to classes because I was 'going to be too tall to be a ballet dancer'. I've never forgotten that. For my DC's, it's never been about them having hobbies which they could turn professional at, I think sometimes people get very caught up in pushing their children to reach the top/get high grades when the reality is very few ever make it. They've only got one childhood, so whether they only do 1 activity or 10, it should be about what makes that childhood fulfilling for them.

Keep I completely agree. Our local ballet do grades etc from 'pre-primary', it is taken very seriously - but I would actually prefer classes that didn't. My DCs are not going to be a ballet dancers and I don't care what grade they reach.

In the run up to the exam it isn't fun for them, all very serious. (I saw one parent taking notes on what the teacher said to their DC during one of the exam practice classes ). They can not enter but they may as well as the classes become devoted to the exam anyway. They do do shows as well which are more fun.
DD1 was ok, not outstanding (merits and one pass, no distinctions) but on the whole enjoyed it. But the classes are aligned with age rather than school year. As children dropped out, DD1 (then 9 and youngest in her school class) ended up with no-one in her school year in her class and a couple of her good friends were in the class above. So she asked if she could join them but they were about to take an exam DD1 had no hope of passing and I got the impression the teacher didn't want her basically 'disrupting' by not being as good and said she couldn't. So she stopped going...now 15-16 her friends still go, it is their main form of exercise so she misses out on that and when they do shows etc feels a bit left out too...and they are not going to be professional ballet dancers either ...
(Actually thinking about it - do you know it was your mum not your ballet teacher who suggested you quit?)

(Actually the funniest thing - note taking parent is a pushy competitive parent... their child just missed a higher grade and DD just scraped in - so they both got the same grade !)

I know it was my mum, she's got form! DD is 12 and going to give up dance as it's become very repetitive due to Grade work. The first thing mum said was to do with her being too lanky for it/height affecting her centre of gravity . Also, as the class get older, more of them drop out and there's a group of 'advanced' dancers in her class who do extra lessons (and DD says get all the attention). DD is a lovely dancer, she'd like to keep it up for fun, but there's nothing that isn't grade - driven.

But the classes are aligned with age rather than school year. As children dropped out, DD1 (then 9 and youngest in her school class) ended up with no-one in her school year in her class and a couple of her good friends were in the class above.

This is exactly what happened with my DD! An August birthday, split up from all her friends. So she stopped. I was furious with the ballet teacher for years! Although, now reflecting, am very glad we didn't get caught up in the whole exams nonsense. What I find very depressing is the competitiveness of some of these extra curricular activities. My DD does the activities because she enjoys them, not because she wants to be the best. I noticed with ballet that all the very bright girls were good at it, as they were good at following instructions. It seemed the same with some music too. The same kids, again and again getting the plaudits and praise. Deeply depressing.

So we have taken a step back from all the competitive madness, and whilst DD does play instruments she isn't exam chasing and Brownies isnt about how many badges she can get either. It's about socialising, learning some fun stuff and jumping round a toadstool.

I'm a teacher of one of the activities mentioned on this thread. Most of the children I teach look exhausted because they do far too many different things on top of a day at school. Op, guitar, Cubs and fencing would be enough activities for an 8 year old.

I believe the best gift we can give our children is a childhood which doesn't revolve around being carted off to an activity every spare second. What's wrong with a few hours of just chilling out at home, helping to cook tea, playing with a friend, or kicking a football around in the garden?

ergonomically I think it is true (about the ones who are good at following instructions) but also I think some of them will have the pushy parents who want them to get the grades etc, they will be practising at home, they be under pressure to 'perform' etc.
Some of them will be 'bright' at school too because they have pushy parents
(here I mention about when I popped into someone's house to pick something up, their child was one of the clever ones at primary. I noticed on the table they had the exact workbooks they were doing at school but the next one in the series . No wonder they were good at doing their workbooks at school if they had already been through them at home...)

Lilet - This is how I feel about my DCs, age 8, 4 and 10m. Taxiing around children from activity to activity, is not only exhausting for the child but also for their sibling and the poor parent!

DS has quite a few hobbies: Monday is Jam club, Tuesday is Beavers, Wednesday is dancing at school, Thursday is street dancing and Friday is keyboard. His main hobby is trials riding which takes up all weekend and he practises in the garden a couple of times during the week. He wants to do all those things and is an only child so I'm happy to facilitate all this.

SanityClause I'd question the cause and effect there. Ice cream consumption is famously correlated to murder rates in the USA. It doesn't prove causality. Did he control for level of parental input, for example.

He admits it was not at all scientific. interesting correlation, though.

Incidentally, I thought it was ice cream consumption and shark bite that had a close correlation - the obvious contributing factor for both being warm weather.

lilets, I dunno about that - I run an activity also mentioned on here and we have frequent time tabling clashes with other youth activities, such that it is not at all unusual to accept kids half an hour late to the class for a term, or who have to leave early to get to the next one (usually a sport actually, but we've also had it for a term pottery class etc).
These kids are usually the ones bouncing with energy, having an absolute ball and eating up life and every opportunity that comes their way. Sadly the kids where (my activity) is the only one they get to do are often the ones who look a little subdued and tired.

I'm pretty sure it's the personalities and characters of the kids that dictate how much energy they have and what the optimum level of activity is for them as individuals, rather than the number of activities dictating their personalities and energy levels

To be frank, it's always the mums that look knackered. And I count myself in that number... The frenetically busy kids are always having a freaking ball. Including my own...

Madwoman, that's my DD. She sleeps really well because sport and music relax her. I think she's using her brain and body to their full potential. She 'relaxes' at home by running round in the garden/practicing her sports & routines, playing music/writing her own songs. She's happy as Larry! I am one of those knackered taxi drivers.

Madwoman & Keep - its interesting to read you're views. As energetic as these children may be, do you think they're missing out on valuable family time...playing and bonding with their parents/siblings (unless they're an only child of course). Do these activities get in the way of that? Do siblings end up competing with one other to outshine the other? Not saying all kids do that, but some may?

I grew up attending very little extra-curricular activities but spent most of my evenings and weekends with my siblings and and now we have an amazing close relationship and a childhood we remember together, not being shipped off to different classes and barely seeing one another other...

Depends on the child. 3 of mine won music scholarships and all of the children did grade 8s etc and that was because of hard work and lots of practice of course. There is no point in paying for music lessons if you cannot even be bothered to sit with the child to watch them practise each instrument for 10 minutes a day. You might as well go in the garden and burn £5 notes.

On other stuff different personalities decide it - one of my daughters kept up her school sports teams until GCSE years; other one did loads of sport right through to 18. One of mine does just about nothing in terms of school clubs - except 1 (at private schools most of the hobbies can be arranged via or with the school or at school which makes it easier) but spends a lot of time talking, discussing, debating, thinking.

As someone who needs a lot of time alone in silence I can appreciate the needs of children like that but also those who like to be out and about and life and soul of the party and in every club going. It just depends on the child. Also depends on what you are interested in as it certainly helps that I might have a hobby in common - I just played a Chopin piece for one of my teenagers who asked me to play it (for some ridiculous reason despite his grade 8s on other things he's decided to enter as piano in a school talent competition when he doesn't really play... laughing as I type - the perversity of my children knows no bounds... I still remember their annual attempt to learn a poem so badly each year at school they would not be picked to perform it in the final).

I find the idea that DD is 'shipped off to classes' quite sneery and laughable. The difference between DD and a lot of other children we know who don't do much, is many of them spend a lot of time at home on the internet/watching tv/in their rooms. When we're at home we spend most of the time together, chatting/playing games/listening to music etc. As I said earlier in this thread, we live in the middle of nowhere, no children to play with. She has no siblings here. Her friends/socialising are at her activities.

She doesn't teletransport there, either myself or her Dad drive her, and we chat the whole time. We spend more quality time with DD than a lot of parents who slump in front of the TV all night. She changed times/dropped an activity so she could spend more time with her step - sisters when they're here, no 'bonding issues' .

Again, I think it depends on the individual children and their families. The children who don't take part in as many activities certainly don't seem to have any better bonds with their siblings and parents than those who do, to be honest. In fact I would probably say the same - the kids who are eating up as much as possible are equally lively and engaged with their siblings/ parents, and those who have quieter more subdued personalities have much 'quieter' relationships. It doesn't make them any lesser relationships in either case - they are just different people and need different things. I don't live with them though, so can really only make absolute comment on my own family on that score.

It's a good line to use for parents who are unable to provide those sorts of opportunities though, but not really necessary. I would suggest that most parents can work out pretty easily whether their kids are thriving - either with a ton of activities, or with none, or somewhere in between. And equally, they can tell if their family life is thriving, or if it would benefit from more together time (or indeed less )

I don't think there is one size fits all, tbh.

I think there is a point at which it is useful for kids to be doing more independent activities though - whatever they are - they don't have to be costly - to increase their confidence at coping and helping to prepare for independent life. It doesn't negate a warm and supportive family behind them, and isn't detrimental to that. Yesterday dd2 was out all day at a sporting thing, and ds1 had been away since Friday at a different sporting thing. Dd1 went out for the day with dh. When they all got back, the girls disappeared to dd2's bedroom for 2 hours and giggled over you-tube videos of puppies

The fact that kids are all shipped off to different activities doesn't really affect their relationships with each other, but I can see that it might be convenient to think that it does... Equally I am sure that spending every waking hour together is something less than a rosy love-in for a lot of siblings / families. I know we have had less than perfect tranquil endless days of summer when the first blush of freedom is over lol... they don't love each other less just because after a week of being in each other's pockets they would kill to spend a day rock climbing with their friends... (Or whatever)

I do often see the rose-tinted family view on here, usually as a response to 'over-committed' kids, but tbh I think most families chug along. Where families are actively questioning activities for their kids (either because the child is exhausted, hates cricket, wants to play the trumpet, or whatever) then that is an obvious point at which to consider if the current status quo is really working. But for a family where kids are thriving on 53 activities? Or none? I can't get excited about it, tbh. Every kid and family is different. There is no definitive one-size-fits-all sweet point for extra-curriculars.

I think it would be helpful to take the moral judgements out of it, kids with lots of hobbies aren't "shipped off" and kids with few hobbies aren't glued to screens.

Mine do 2 instruments and 3 sports, that still only amounts to 8 hours a week. Out of 90 waking hours. 32 hours is school. That leaves 50 waking hours for eating, homework, family time, getting bored and computer screens. They really don't need these 8 hours for those. Equally kids with few hobbies only have those few hours more. Not that different really.

I missed the competitive question, sorry. Mine all do very different things, and we obviously encourage them to be individuals. As it is, we would have bugger all luck in trying to shoe-horn them into the same things as dd2 has cerebral palsy. With the best will in the world, she ain't no ballerina or basketball player. We encourage her to keep up swimming and dance at a recreational level - it's great to keep her body moving and negates the need to attend physio sessions. She has her own sport that she loves and is involved with an adaptive group for lessons (that's where she was all day yesterday) and is in fact disappearing off in two weeks to compete with them for the first time. She's also on the school debate team and has evening and weekend practise and tournaments.

Dd1 is in a synthetic biology team , dances every night and teaches tap, and has just finished her life guarding qualifications.

Ds1 is the basketball fan, but has a very different personality to the girls and would actually be much happier left in his bedroom with his Lego, mine craft, games and Magic The Gathering cards. He goes to a social Magic group once a week.

The girls are both in guiding as well (different units) -ds gave up scouting a couple of years ago.

There really isn't any competition - Although I did have dd1 in tears once over a spelling competition at school, as ds1 (2 years younger) knew how to spell broccoli and she didn't. So I suppose school could be inculcating competition between siblings? Extra-curriculars aren't, anyway...

As an aside to your experience - I didn't do any extra-curriculars as a child either (except brownies) and spent the rest of the time with my sister (who is lovely). We probably speak on the phone twice a year and occasionally fab message. I haven't seen her for seven years. Spending time with your siblings as a child is really no reliable indicator of any future relationships, tbh. These things change over time, and it would be just as likely for folk who barely saw each other as kids to become closer as adults.

Fwiw, given the many many many hours of time together we had as children, my sister and I used them to create clubs of our own, of many different types, and invite the local neighbourhood kids to come and play. (We would develop specific activities and set membership badges etc) In hindsight while we are chatting are now, maybe that was a sign we could have been kids who enjoyed doing more? In any case, it wasn't an option and certainly didn't ruin my life lol. We barely saw our parents. I know by the time we were teens we REALLY needed to stretch our wings and spend time with other people. We are still 'close', but not physically.