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AIBU?

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Original poster

is this way too much for an 8 year old??

314 replies

hugsarealwaysneededhere1 · 23/02/2016 21:35

Son is learning guitar and vilion at school with some practise (not enough I'm sure) at home.
He goes to Cubs once a week
Fencing once a week.
Life Guarding once a week

At the weekend he has a swimming lesson and tennis.

He loves guitar, cubs and fencing. He is a good swimmer but now needs to stop lessons and either join the squad (train 3 times a week) or just swim once a week as part of a fun junior team. He would rather just play than swim seriously.

It all feels quite a lot! With homework too.......or is this just the norm??

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 24/02/2016 21:05

Where will ds's band be in 5 years time? A happy memory of some really good fun, the ego boost of performance- they even have some groupies!- and having had more money than most of their peers. They will, if all goes well, be on the way to being- at the last count, a lawyer, a zoologist, a teacher and a graphic designer.

leedy · 24/02/2016 21:09

Or they could still be in bands! (like me at the grand old age of 43 - I also have a day job but still record/gig)

Woolyheads · 24/02/2016 21:10

@hugs. Fewer. It is fewer of them.

Cath40t · 24/02/2016 21:12

If any become a chore or stressful for you and/or kids drop some. Over scheduled kids get stressed out, just like over scheduled adults.
I went through a phase with my kids, activities everyday after school for my daughter, less for my son because he was happy to hang out at home and didn't want to join everything.
It was getting ridiculous. So we discussed and scaled down. We agreed on
Daughter ended up choosing to do activities (gymnastics and cross country) she really enjoyed....she didn't excell at them but she gave them 100%.....and got a lot out of them. My son took this as permission to not do any after school activities.....he really wasn't fussed.
Gave them both time to relax, hang out with friends etc, do homework with less stress. There is a lot of peer pressure on parents and kids to "do it all."
It's not neccesary. My kids are 18 and 21 now. Both pretty musical and artistic in their own way......wasn't forced on them.....son makes beautiful complex origami, daughter draws, paints, embroiders, knits, cooks, writes.....they'll find their own path.

unlucky83 · 24/02/2016 21:20

DD2 (just 9) is like this - an activity every night (2 some nights) except Monday - and she does 2 after school clubs as well. And she is just about to start another instrument on Monday night ...She does have Saturday free. Her favourite day of the week - Saturday! But if I ask her what she wants to give up - she can't choose. It is a juggling act - (and costs a fortune)
And she would also like to do Tennis, could do with some swimming lessons as she isn't the best swimmer (actually she is on a waiting list for one to one). And she wouldn't mind doing ice skating (on a Sat morning - I do - it is a trek to get to, we'd have to leave at 8.30am!) or maybe football (also Sat am). She's shown an interest in gymnastics but it clashes with another activity.. and horse riding and sailing...oh and there is hockey too! She can't physically do everything she wants to...
DD1 (15) was the same at DD2's age ...she gradually gave them all up and by 13 she was doing zero activities - no after school clubs etc. Just spent hours on the internet. I found myself trying to get her to do something - anything. About a month ago I managed to persuade her to start an instrument lesson and she is about to start another. Both are for pleasure so I don't make (either of them actually) practise - we are not going for grades - just for fun...
What I'm trying to say is unless they have a specific thing which catches their interest I don't think there is anything wrong (if you can manage and they don't get too tired) letting them try everything - and before you know it you may well be begging them to do something - anything....

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/02/2016 22:12

Hmm, l have four kids, between them they have done pretty much every musical instrument, sport and social group known to humankind. They are all terrible dabblers; like to try new things. But every so often they have found something that sticks. And I think that is the whole point of activities; give them the chance to find something that will enrich the rest of their lives.

Eldest DS is 22, plays in a band, plays a bit of 5 a side football, road cycles and mountain bikes. He joined the boxing club at uni this year. It's all good stuff. It doesn't matter that he never kept up the tennis or the archery or the fencing or the piano. It's about keeping an open mind, finding what you love and enjoying it.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 24/02/2016 22:15

DD does lots of activities, she is 9. She goes three after school clubs, cross country, netball and judo, from 3:20 - 4:20 which reduces the time she spends at the childminders before I pick her up. She also plays the cornet and gets a lesson one lunch time a week at school. So that's 4 activities that I don't have any involvement in at all! I do take her swimming and horse riding at the weekend. And in the summer she does cricket practice and matches. She loves her clubs and gets a lot of pleasure from them and they improve her self esteem, which continues to need boosting. We are lucky her school provides so many lovely clubs as I wouldn't take her to so many, in any case I get home too late to do so.

NewLife4Me · 24/02/2016 22:21

Tinkly, I totally agree with you.
Our older 2 tried various instruments that we just borrowed off friends or from school but they played for a while and wanted to give up, it wasn't fun and they would rather play sport and martial Arts, then they both started hockey and gave up martial arts.
Now at 24 and 21 they still both play hockey as a hobby and are quite good.
Like yours one cycles a bit, ds1 until recently volunteered as children's coach.

As for music they both have good taste in whatever genre they listen to. They appreciate what is good, enjoy listening and that's as far as it goes.

PinkFondantFancy · 25/02/2016 06:55

I haven't read it all but this looks completely mad to me. He's a child, when does he have unstructured time to just play??? Anyway I think I'm quite out of step with the rest of the world on that one...

So for starters I'd drop 1 instrument, no need to do 2 at the moment, can always pick another up later.

Gemima14 · 25/02/2016 08:24

I wouldn't push him down the swimming route if he isn't that bothered. It requires so much dedication from parents and children as well as dealing with the disappointment of not winning medals etc. My daughter is in a squad, loves it and thrives on it, has a great network of friends who all enjoy what they do and it has helped her massively with confidence. It is expensive and also time consuming for everyone. In fact, exhausting after a weekends swimming meet where parents are also expected to help out and volunteer for job. My daughter dropped brownies for swimming but continues with Gymnastics. She loves both and won't drop either. She doesn't do any other clubs, although occasionally goes to tumbling. She would love to do singing or dancing but I have said not until she gets to 'big' school!

Bookeatingboy · 25/02/2016 08:24

One of my DTS 8 does...

Football Tues and Sat
Cubs and choir Weds
Swimming Thurs and Frid
Break dance Sat

He loves them all, I try to facilitate any activity he wishes to try and he will naturally decide those which he wants to continue, the only one I say is non-negotiable is swimming.

He definitely thrives on doing lots and is self motivated to fit homework in as and when. He has never once complained about being too busy and I feel he gets lots of down time too.

My other dts does less but this suits him since he requires more down time.

LilysNana · 25/02/2016 08:30

I think its too much. I think you can have so many things going on, that you can't give your full attention to any of them (jack-of-all-trades, master of none and all that blah). My grand daughter has a similar lifestyle, several after school clubs, gymnastics at the weekend as well as masses of homework. This was fine when she was in juniors, but now she's in seniors she's got to get serious about her work, rest and play. With particular emphasis on rest (she's just coming into puberty). I think one evening off a week and a day at the weekend to chill out is a better idea.

Netflixandchill · 25/02/2016 08:44

I think with a bit more time to focus on a couple of hobbies rather than that many, he will thrive more and find it easier to excel in those things, having too much on your plate you set up to fail imo. Or really struggle and start to resent it.

Netflixandchill · 25/02/2016 08:45

My husband is my son coding at home, it's a useful future skill, something we can do together and bond over, using a raspberry Pi computer

Keeptrudging · 25/02/2016 08:50

It's really hard though if you have a child whose way of 'relaxing' is to train hard! DD chooses what she does, she's decided that ballet/modern aren't as enjoyable now and is going to drop them once she's done her next exams. Her choice. I think the key is to let them try different things, and keep going with the ones which they get the most enjoyment from (whatever that is). Very few children will go on to become top level athletes or musicians, but what I do think is a good life skill is working hard to be the best you can at your level. DD will never be an Olympic gymnast, but she trains hard at her level, never misses practice and is committed to it. If she was half - hearted about it, I would think it wasn't the right thing for her. For the OP's son, piano doesn't sound like the thing he's going to persevere with. Drop it, but find something he will want to get better at.

squeak10 · 25/02/2016 09:09

Totally disagree about music lessons being a waste of time. My ds had guitar lessons at ps, never practiced. Picked up a electric guitar at ss. Now plays guitar, bass and is learning the drums. Ds and friends have formed a band. He gets a lot of pleasure from playing now. If your ds enjoying the activities go with it. Things will change when he gets older.

leedy · 25/02/2016 09:10

I think it really does depend on the child - I did a lot of outside-school activities as a kid but I really enjoyed all of them and thrived on that "busyness", IYKWIM. My youngest sister was the complete opposite and just did one activity (horse-riding), which she still does as an adult.

Vagndidit · 25/02/2016 09:18

My inlaws live a similar lifestyle and brag we hear constantly about how well-rounded their children are and how much "quality time" they spend as a family. Meanwhile, the kids are chronically exhausted and evening dinners are usually McDonalds tossed into the back of the minivan whilst driving to yet another activity. Not the sort of life I envy, but hey ho.

Just because you can afford to give your kids the world doesn't mean you should

teabagsmummy · 25/02/2016 09:22

my ds just turned 9 does piano on a monday,viola at school on a tuesday youth club tues night,swimming on a thursday and cubs on a friday plus he practices piano 10 minutes everyday after school.
he wants to stop going to youth club so he will cut that out,but he loves everything else he goes to

ReallyTired · 25/02/2016 09:27

"Totally disagree about music lessons being a waste of time. My ds had guitar lessons at ps, never practiced. Picked up a electric guitar at ss. Now plays guitar, bass and is learning the drums. "

An eight year old does not need to learn two instruments. If a child never picks up an instrument between lessons then surely that is a sign that they have no desire to play.

My six year old just plays violin and does ukelele at school. She plays both at home because she enjoys it. Practice is not a chore.

Helencandy28 · 25/02/2016 09:35

I would say that seems quite a lot for an 8 year old. My sons did karate, swimming and Cubs once a week and violin at school. The rest of the time was spent doing homework and spending quality time with family and their friends. Every child is different though. Sounds like he's a good swimmer so perhaps he could drop that and perhaps the violin.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 25/02/2016 09:44

Wow. I am guessing the parents of the children with endless "activities " have a sahp? We wouldn't be able to fit that much in, unless you are ferrying to stuff after after school club? (Knackering!)
I collect from school one day a week, and ds loves that day, because we get to relax a bit and hang out.
He plays football on Sunday mornings, and also with school, and swimming on Saturdays (we dont always make it).
That's it. That's enough. We have a piano and a guitar, and I play a bit, so have taught him a little, and I encourage the french he is learning at school, but think that tons of structured activities are unnecessary ( even if there was time )
A lot of the time at the weekends and holidays he is out playing with his friends, footy, hanging out of trees, or inside painstakingly making elaborate football based board games...
I don't know if it depends on the child so much, as children are a product of their environment. I know kids who have been massively scheduled since toddler hood, and would probably struggle to amuse themselves for that reason.

Netflixandchill · 25/02/2016 09:47

Ifnotnow i agree completely

paxillin · 25/02/2016 09:50

IfNotNowThenWhenever, many schools facilitate it. Ours do instruments and sports at school, often right after lessons. All that changes is pickup time. Practice has to be done at home, but doesn't require a sahp. We did pick the school with this in mind.

Lalalili · 25/02/2016 09:55

That does sound like quite a lot to me OP. But guess it depends on the child. As a rule of thumb, our kids all do an instrument, a sport and something sociable (Cubs, youth group etc.) We also have an activity that we do as a family. The sport has to be swimming until they can swim. When they are old enough to get themselves to/from the activity they can take on more if they wish. But we have several dc and three activities per child is more than enough for our family. They can have friends over whenever they want and often play out with kids from the neighbourhood.