is this way too much for an 8 year old??

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

Son is learning guitar and vilion at school with some practise (not enough I'm sure) at home.
He goes to Cubs once a week
Fencing once a week.
Life Guarding once a week

At the weekend he has a swimming lesson and tennis.

He loves guitar, cubs and fencing. He is a good swimmer but now needs to stop lessons and either join the squad (train 3 times a week) or just swim once a week as part of a fun junior team. He would rather just play than swim seriously.

It all feels quite a lot! With homework too.......or is this just the norm??

[BobbyGentry]

Norm...

3 after school clubs & an activity at the weekends.

Tutor?

I knew a Year Four kid who would play tennis at the weekend & then practice A'level Maths papers with his dad for fun (no joke) but that's Asian Tiger parenting for you; kids are our (your) future ☺️

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

Yes keep :o I might still be working during school holidays but it's a treat not doing the school run, not making packed lunches and having no activities - that's a holiday in itself.

There just seems to be so much on at the moment I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

[Keeptrudging]

Yes, it's great when there's a cancelled class, or we get snowed in . One of her activities stops for summer term, it's lovely being able to have a lazy Saturday morning.

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

Yup, been there done that keep. It's the fact that I put my boots on at half 7 in the morning and it's usually near 10 most nights before I can take them off. I may only be out sometimes for 15 minutes or more if I pick up bread and milk etc when out but it's knowing that you have to head out again all that time that just becomes a bit wearing sometimes. Would never stop them doing the stuff they enjoy though and they'll be adults and driving themselves about soon enough - I'll have plenty of years to rest and miss the fact that I'm not so busy :o

[Keeptrudging]

I try to combine activities with other things. Drop off, go visit mother/friend/do shopping. When I'm working, I take work and do it in the cafe/viewing area. I find that I get a lot done when there's nothing else I can be doing/no Internet!

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

As pointed out above, most activities only last about an hour at a time (more as they get older) so even a few doesn't take that many hours out the week until/unless they become very successful at one particular thing, then the hours go up but they tend to drop other stuff. Mine tried everything and anything when they were young. Some days they did two different activities on the same day! They were never overtired and never asked to miss a week but if the wanted to drop it completely, that was fine but generally they dropped it in order to do something else.

My DS1 is 15. He does his own Scouts, he volunteers at Scouts for the younger children, he is doing Badminton and as part of his DofE is also studying money management. In addition he goes to computer coding and has recently taken up Rowing. Scouting is the biggest time commitment as it involves camps and other activities at the weekends too. He also has his exams coming up and yet still spends way too much time playing computer games.

Ds2 is 14, he also does Scouts plus volunteering at scouts and Badminton and Life Guard training and DofE. Doesn't have much homework yet and spends way way too much time on computer games.

Our problem is that most of these things require transportation to and from although once the lighter nights are with us there are a few bits that they can cycle to.

[FrenchJunebug]

I meant WHEN does a kid get to be just a kid.

[FrenchJunebug]

that seems a lot to me. What does a kid get to be just a kid?! Also how do you fit it all in?!

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

I do love that my teens still want to get involved and do stuff but the ferrying about that I've been doing virtually every night and a lot of weekends does take it's toll. You only really realise it when you have an evening off. DS1 pulled a muscle in his leg rowing on Sunday so had to cry off doing a night hike with the Scouts last night since he has his Duke of Edinburgh training at the weekend and didn't want to aggravate the injury. It meant no ferrying and I did a mental yippee......then realised that I still needed to go and do the weekly grocery shop as I couldn't do it on Monday as we'd had to go to a meeting about a summer camp. :( I've worked out that I haven't has a day (including weekends) when I haven't had to be out at something child related (not including ferrying to school and back every day) since February 13th and my next one is 17th March! We usually get Thursdays and most Saturdays free, but Thursday is prime day for parents night/meetings and we have a lot of subject selection at school stuff at the moment. Next weekend we had a clash of 4 different things the boys were meant to be doing which was clearly impossible for them as well as us. I should add that DH and I both work full time. DH does shifts and drives for a living so isn't always available to help and I don't always like him going out driving again when he has been doing it all day.

[Maples36]

My son is now 27 and I am so thankful that I ferried him back and forth from golf clubs every weekend and all through the holidays, sometimes with him playing 36 holes a day. He has a handicap of about 4 and it is this skill which has helped him to climb the ladder through networking with the top people in his career as a broker in the City. This was all motivated by him, not me, by the way. My advice is find something that your child really wants to do and stick to that one thing so that they can get really good at it. Success in something non academic then reacts back onto their academic work through the confidence that it gives them to overcome their own hurdles. My son (who is dyslexic) ended up with a First in Economics from Exeter.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Well, for a period we decided that none of them would do activities on a Friday night, because we (the parents) wanted one night off taxiing. But now the one activity ds wants to do is on a Friday night. frankly I am so relieved he wants to socialize and leave his bedroom, the Friday rule is long gone. If the one activity they really want to do is on a Saturday/ Sunday, then the family (including the child) get a free real life lesson about compromise and thinking of other people, whatever decision they ultimately reach. All part of life's rich pattern.

It was much easier when they were 6 and we could say 'no, sorry, on Saturdays the grown-ups get to choose' and dress it up as spending quality time together...

[Keeptrudging]

DSSs - getting abbreviations mixed up!

[Keeptrudging]

Fair enough. DD used to do an activity on Sundays. She gave it up so we had one clear day at weekends for family time. She also has 2 totally free days through the week. It's a balance which works for her. Saturdays are full, but this means her DSDs get time with DH by themselves so it works for us.

[TrippleBlessed]

Thank you Keep and Mad for explaining that so well. Apologies about the 'shipped off' (wrong choice of words). Dh feels the 3 different activities that ds1 attends at the moment is too much for all of us and that it reduces the precious time that we want to spend together on the weekends and so sometimes I feel we're just shipping him off to different activities. Ds1 likes them though...

[madwomanbackintheattic]

I missed the competitive question, sorry. Mine all do very different things, and we obviously encourage them to be individuals. As it is, we would have bugger all luck in trying to shoe-horn them into the same things as dd2 has cerebral palsy. With the best will in the world, she ain't no ballerina or basketball player. We encourage her to keep up swimming and dance at a recreational level - it's great to keep her body moving and negates the need to attend physio sessions. She has her own sport that she loves and is involved with an adaptive group for lessons (that's where she was all day yesterday) and is in fact disappearing off in two weeks to compete with them for the first time. She's also on the school debate team and has evening and weekend practise and tournaments.

Dd1 is in a synthetic biology team , dances every night and teaches tap, and has just finished her life guarding qualifications.

Ds1 is the basketball fan, but has a very different personality to the girls and would actually be much happier left in his bedroom with his Lego, mine craft, games and Magic The Gathering cards. He goes to a social Magic group once a week.

The girls are both in guiding as well (different units) -ds gave up scouting a couple of years ago.

There really isn't any competition - Although I did have dd1 in tears once over a spelling competition at school, as ds1 (2 years younger) knew how to spell broccoli and she didn't. So I suppose school could be inculcating competition between siblings? Extra-curriculars aren't, anyway...

As an aside to your experience - I didn't do any extra-curriculars as a child either (except brownies) and spent the rest of the time with my sister (who is lovely). We probably speak on the phone twice a year and occasionally fab message. I haven't seen her for seven years. Spending time with your siblings as a child is really no reliable indicator of any future relationships, tbh. These things change over time, and it would be just as likely for folk who barely saw each other as kids to become closer as adults.

Fwiw, given the many many many hours of time together we had as children, my sister and I used them to create clubs of our own, of many different types, and invite the local neighbourhood kids to come and play. (We would develop specific activities and set membership badges etc) In hindsight while we are chatting are now, maybe that was a sign we could have been kids who enjoyed doing more? In any case, it wasn't an option and certainly didn't ruin my life lol. We barely saw our parents. I know by the time we were teens we REALLY needed to stretch our wings and spend time with other people. We are still 'close', but not physically.

[paxillin]

I think it would be helpful to take the moral judgements out of it, kids with lots of hobbies aren't "shipped off" and kids with few hobbies aren't glued to screens.

Mine do 2 instruments and 3 sports, that still only amounts to 8 hours a week. Out of 90 waking hours. 32 hours is school. That leaves 50 waking hours for eating, homework, family time, getting bored and computer screens. They really don't need these 8 hours for those. Equally kids with few hobbies only have those few hours more. Not that different really.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Again, I think it depends on the individual children and their families. The children who don't take part in as many activities certainly don't seem to have any better bonds with their siblings and parents than those who do, to be honest. In fact I would probably say the same - the kids who are eating up as much as possible are equally lively and engaged with their siblings/ parents, and those who have quieter more subdued personalities have much 'quieter' relationships. It doesn't make them any lesser relationships in either case - they are just different people and need different things. I don't live with them though, so can really only make absolute comment on my own family on that score.

It's a good line to use for parents who are unable to provide those sorts of opportunities though, but not really necessary. I would suggest that most parents can work out pretty easily whether their kids are thriving - either with a ton of activities, or with none, or somewhere in between. And equally, they can tell if their family life is thriving, or if it would benefit from more together time (or indeed less )

I don't think there is one size fits all, tbh.

I think there is a point at which it is useful for kids to be doing more independent activities though - whatever they are - they don't have to be costly - to increase their confidence at coping and helping to prepare for independent life. It doesn't negate a warm and supportive family behind them, and isn't detrimental to that. Yesterday dd2 was out all day at a sporting thing, and ds1 had been away since Friday at a different sporting thing. Dd1 went out for the day with dh. When they all got back, the girls disappeared to dd2's bedroom for 2 hours and giggled over you-tube videos of puppies

The fact that kids are all shipped off to different activities doesn't really affect their relationships with each other, but I can see that it might be convenient to think that it does... Equally I am sure that spending every waking hour together is something less than a rosy love-in for a lot of siblings / families. I know we have had less than perfect tranquil endless days of summer when the first blush of freedom is over lol... they don't love each other less just because after a week of being in each other's pockets they would kill to spend a day rock climbing with their friends... (Or whatever)

I do often see the rose-tinted family view on here, usually as a response to 'over-committed' kids, but tbh I think most families chug along. Where families are actively questioning activities for their kids (either because the child is exhausted, hates cricket, wants to play the trumpet, or whatever) then that is an obvious point at which to consider if the current status quo is really working. But for a family where kids are thriving on 53 activities? Or none? I can't get excited about it, tbh. Every kid and family is different. There is no definitive one-size-fits-all sweet point for extra-curriculars.

[Keeptrudging]

I find the idea that DD is 'shipped off to classes' quite sneery and laughable. The difference between DD and a lot of other children we know who don't do much, is many of them spend a lot of time at home on the internet/watching tv/in their rooms. When we're at home we spend most of the time together, chatting/playing games/listening to music etc. As I said earlier in this thread, we live in the middle of nowhere, no children to play with. She has no siblings here. Her friends/socialising are at her activities.

She doesn't teletransport there, either myself or her Dad drive her, and we chat the whole time. We spend more quality time with DD than a lot of parents who slump in front of the TV all night. She changed times/dropped an activity so she could spend more time with her step - sisters when they're here, no 'bonding issues' .

[DeoGratias]

Depends on the child. 3 of mine won music scholarships and all of the children did grade 8s etc and that was because of hard work and lots of practice of course. There is no point in paying for music lessons if you cannot even be bothered to sit with the child to watch them practise each instrument for 10 minutes a day. You might as well go in the garden and burn £5 notes.

On other stuff different personalities decide it - one of my daughters kept up her school sports teams until GCSE years; other one did loads of sport right through to 18. One of mine does just about nothing in terms of school clubs - except 1 (at private schools most of the hobbies can be arranged via or with the school or at school which makes it easier) but spends a lot of time talking, discussing, debating, thinking.

As someone who needs a lot of time alone in silence I can appreciate the needs of children like that but also those who like to be out and about and life and soul of the party and in every club going. It just depends on the child. Also depends on what you are interested in as it certainly helps that I might have a hobby in common - I just played a Chopin piece for one of my teenagers who asked me to play it (for some ridiculous reason despite his grade 8s on other things he's decided to enter as piano in a school talent competition when he doesn't really play... laughing as I type - the perversity of my children knows no bounds... I still remember their annual attempt to learn a poem so badly each year at school they would not be picked to perform it in the final).

[TrippleBlessed]

Madwoman & Keep - its interesting to read you're views. As energetic as these children may be, do you think they're missing out on valuable family time...playing and bonding with their parents/siblings (unless they're an only child of course). Do these activities get in the way of that? Do siblings end up competing with one other to outshine the other? Not saying all kids do that, but some may?

I grew up attending very little extra-curricular activities but spent most of my evenings and weekends with my siblings and and now we have an amazing close relationship and a childhood we remember together, not being shipped off to different classes and barely seeing one another other...

[Keeptrudging]

Madwoman, that's my DD. She sleeps really well because sport and music relax her. I think she's using her brain and body to their full potential. She 'relaxes' at home by running round in the garden/practicing her sports & routines, playing music/writing her own songs. She's happy as Larry! I am one of those knackered taxi drivers.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

lilets, I dunno about that - I run an activity also mentioned on here and we have frequent time tabling clashes with other youth activities, such that it is not at all unusual to accept kids half an hour late to the class for a term, or who have to leave early to get to the next one (usually a sport actually, but we've also had it for a term pottery class etc).
These kids are usually the ones bouncing with energy, having an absolute ball and eating up life and every opportunity that comes their way. Sadly the kids where (my activity) is the only one they get to do are often the ones who look a little subdued and tired.

I'm pretty sure it's the personalities and characters of the kids that dictate how much energy they have and what the optimum level of activity is for them as individuals, rather than the number of activities dictating their personalities and energy levels

To be frank, it's always the mums that look knackered. And I count myself in that number... The frenetically busy kids are always having a freaking ball. Including my own...

[SanityClause]

SanityClause I'd question the cause and effect there. Ice cream consumption is famously correlated to murder rates in the USA. It doesn't prove causality. Did he control for level of parental input, for example.

He admits it was not at all scientific. interesting correlation, though.

Incidentally, I thought it was ice cream consumption and shark bite that had a close correlation - the obvious contributing factor for both being warm weather.

[OSETmum]

DS has quite a few hobbies: Monday is Jam club, Tuesday is Beavers, Wednesday is dancing at school, Thursday is street dancing and Friday is keyboard. His main hobby is trials riding which takes up all weekend and he practises in the garden a couple of times during the week. He wants to do all those things and is an only child so I'm happy to facilitate all this.

[TrippleBlessed]

Lilet - This is how I feel about my DCs, age 8, 4 and 10m. Taxiing around children from activity to activity, is not only exhausting for the child but also for their sibling and the poor parent!