is this way too much for an 8 year old??

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

Son is learning guitar and vilion at school with some practise (not enough I'm sure) at home.
He goes to Cubs once a week
Fencing once a week.
Life Guarding once a week

At the weekend he has a swimming lesson and tennis.

He loves guitar, cubs and fencing. He is a good swimmer but now needs to stop lessons and either join the squad (train 3 times a week) or just swim once a week as part of a fun junior team. He would rather just play than swim seriously.

It all feels quite a lot! With homework too.......or is this just the norm??

Research tells us that children who have opportunities for free play do better at school. Childhood is so short, let them be children, let them play. They'll have enough of schedules when they're adults.

My children are older now, but actually one of the things I regret is "enabling" dd's Duracell Bunny tendencies. She always had to be doing something- she did loads of activities and was always on the go. The more she did, the more she needed to do, and I confess that I was proud of it, and felt like a good mother because of all her accomplishments. She's 20 now, and I suspect that at least some of her tendency to be over self critical, and -for want of a better term- anxiously hard on herself- stems from her rather frenetic childhood and her need to achieve. She told me at Christmas that her brain sometimes "feels like a hamster in a wheel" She is actively taking charge of things now, and going to Yoga and considering counselling. Typically, she is even regarding her own mental health as a "project"!

Her younger brother is a different kettle of fish. Obviously he is a different person and was raised by a more thoughtful and experienced mother, but I think he was wise when at the age of 3 he came across to me at Baby Gym, took my hand, led me to the door and said "Us go home, mum mum. Watch Bargain Hunt together"

I suppose what I am saying is make sure that your children are doing activities because they want to. I don't think I did, really, with dd. I think we got on an activity treadmill, and it made me feel good. I do remember a couple of time not letting her stop things when she asked- "But you love it, darling!" So she agreed with me and carried on.

I think learning an instrument without practising is wasting time.

My dc learn two instruments each, but also practise their main instrument daily and second instrument around 4 times a week. We have prioritised music and now my 8 year old is grade 5 violin and grade 3 guitar. 12 year old left ps with grade 8 violin. They also do a sport each and as well as enjoying free time to play at home.

Personally I think each child is different. I work fairly long days and my eight year old comes to work with me after school on three days, family business my mum looks after him. He used to do today on one day and swimming on another. It seemed we were never home. I stopped the today as although he enjoyed it, he wasn't passionate about it and they were, constantly adding in gradings which took over a Saturday once a month. We found we never had time to have fun, just 'hang out' as a family. They are little for such a short time, I have to work but when I am not working in want to see him, not just in the car ferrying to the next club. This is in no way a criticism as some children thrive and need all the stimulation and constant activity. Mine like to run in the woods, swim with us, do cooking, play games and go for walks we didn'the have time for this with work, school and clubs.

Sorry that should say Taekwondo not today, once a week!

Can I ask how it benefits your child to rush through the grades? Because grade 8 at aged 10 in violin is rushing through the grades in anyone's book.

Ifnotnow, I worked full-time until recently, and will be going back to work full-time. We still managed to fit everything in. Sometimes training times mean DD has a sandwich/fruit after school, then we all eat a hot meal together after (but she has a smaller portion). Slow cooker & batch cooking help. What I do find is that as she gets older, classes get later. That's why she wants to drop dance, because her 2 hour class takes up 4 hours as it's not local. We moved house, but kept her there as her ballet teacher is super. No classes for her age/grade nearby.

Does he feel it's too much? Does he get tired? One thing I'd say about music lessons is that he'd be practising more if he really want to learn one, so maybe give him the choice of just continuing with one.

With regards to what can be done when their older, I think it depends on the child. My DD is 15, does three lunchtime clubs at school, four after schools, one sport activity at weekends and plays an instrument very regularly! She's determined to leave school with more than one GCSE A* so other than eating, washing and seeing friends, she's constantly doing clubs, playing her instrument or doing homework/studying until 10pm. She doesn't get tired and wants to do all this, another child would get tired or not to so motivated if they had lots of activities.

Re: fitting everything in. All but 2 of dd2's activities are at school/during school time. She does ballet and competes in a sport outside school, both on a Saturday.

So, 2 clubs outside school, on a day which would already be half taken up by one of those clubs (her sister also competes in the sport), vs 2 instruments, plus various choirs and orchestras, Italian club, drama club, LAMDA lessons, as well as playing on various sports teams at school. At the latest she is home by 5.30pm, which leaves time for tea, homework and some downtime before bed.

As it happens, I am a sahm. But not so that I can ferry my children around to various activities, but because, due to having 3 disabled children it is virtually impossible to work around schools (2 at school currently, schools 20 miles apart, 3rd dc will start at yet another school in September) and appts - OT, SALT, paed appts for all 3, plus all the necessary paperwork (statements/ehcp, DLA etc). Now all that is far more of a challenge to fit in than dd2 having a variable pick up time from school...

I am with you Tinky...

My Ds did a years Gymnastics..Various other things he tried and tired of very quickly ...

If a child isn't interested to practise give up...My annoyance is my DS is in a 2-1 .. the boy he plays with doesn't practise so my ds is almost been kept back by child who doesn't practise..Not sure how long before I say something.

That was a really thoughtful and honest post Bertrand Loving the Bargain Hunt fan!

Bert

I posted this on another thread last night, thought you'd like it if you haven't already seen them

The answer ime can be a number of reasons.

Teacher wanting the Kudos of x getting to grade 8 in amazing time, Parent collecting certificates for entry to school via bursary/scholarship.
Parent collecting for future cv. Because they are ill informed and think it indicates talent/ the level their child is capable of playing.

ifnotnow no iwork ft so does my dh but i work nightshift so i can take ds to his music lessons etc.
also ds never needs to get nagged about piano practice he does it on his own.
I think once a child starts complaining about practice etc its time to stop whatever activity as they are not enjoying it

Thank you for this thread. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

My dd who just turned 8, does an extra curricular every day of the week. We try to do music practise in the morning just after breakfast!!

Swimming
Mandarin
Piano
Flute
BMX training on weekends (she's in the World Championships representing team GB)
Drama Club.
Crossfit (yes, junior crossfit at the gym).

My ds is younger and does half of the above but he is wanting to do more.

It's not a stealth boost and I too wonder it is too much. It is for me, but not for my dcs who absolutely thrive on it all.

My question to you is, are you finding certain personalities traits common to those kids who do lots of extra curricular? Highly energetic? Bags of confidence? Natural 'leaders'? Ambitious? Bright?

I compare with my friends who have dcs at private school and it seems to be the norm. To have A LOT going on all the time. We are at state primary and we can afford spending £500+ a term on each child for clubs. It's a lot of money and I'm sort of justifying it to myself that it will in the long term, have some kind of positive impact and help their grades. FWIW, I as a child did NOTHING because my parents didn't believe in extra curricular and I only came out with very average grades, got a 2:2 a Uni. I felt I always struggled as my world seemed so insular and it wasn't until my twenties my confidence really developed.

DD was very, very shy and hardly spoke when she was little. She absolutely lit up when she had her first dance lesson aged 3, and it really helped her come out of her shell. She did ballet, then added street dance. At 5 she started gymnastics, got moved up and started doing competitions. Being part of a team, having to learn routines and perform in front of an audience meant that she wasn't scared about standing up and speaking at assembly, or answering questions in class. She's absolutely blossomed through doing activities. She's not a 'leader', what she is is quietly confident, and feels good enough about herself to be emotionally resilient when it comes to dealing with the secondary 'mean girls'.

She's also top set, partly because she has to be super-organised with studying and doesn't have time to faff about/delay, so she actually applies herself to homework.

My daughter also does loads but she wants to do them all and even asks to do more things. It does feel like a treadmill sometimes but she would be sad to give any of the activities (apart from her extra maths tuition) up.

This is not a new phenomenon though, I went to a private school where all activities were 'free' - well included in the fees, and I used to do something at lunchtime, afterschool and in the evening most days, and had to do piano practice every day. I seem to have survived.

My 9 year old does Mondays: 2 hours dance, Tuesdays: maths tuition, singing class, Wednesdays: choir (free, at school) Brownies, Thursdays: Art club (free at school), French (free as I am the teacher), Fridays: nothing! Saturdays: 3 hours stage school (drama, dance, singing).

7 year old does Mondays: choir Tuesdays nothing Wednesdays Brownie, Thursdays French, Fridays Street dance weekends nothing

5 year old does Mondays choir Tuesdays street dance Wednesdays nothin Thursdays French, Fridays karate weekends nothing

And all of them do a bit of piano with me on a Sunday (but no practice all week!) my view is it's better than nothing.

Why do parents boast about the grades in music? I'm keeping my child well away from grading unless he asks. He is learning and playing for his enjoyment, he has talent but there us no way I'm going to turn his enjoyment into a grading race with other students. Le kids be kids, let them enjoy their hobbies without pressure.

Bertrand - no rushing through grades - Suzuki method starts early, so many of the children are more then ready for grade 6,7,8 by age 11,12,13 ish. Dd was 11. Second instruments were only started last year, but due to having a solid start on one instrument, they have progressed really quickly too.

Cookiedoughkid-have a look at my post of 10 this morning for a different perspective..........

my2

I think your attitude is great, your ds will be able to take grades if and when he chooses, which has to be better than the constant exam pressure some dc have.
There really isn't a point unless you need a particular exam for something.
My dh only took one exam in his life and that was to gain entry to music college. He is quite a renowned musician in his own field
My dd school do exams but they are an addition iyswim, the dc don't spend long learning exam pieces, usually a couple of weeks before.
They don't take them every year or every single one.
So child A could arrive with grade 5 and not take an exam for 2 years, then take grade 8.
Child B could arrive with grade 8 and begin first Diploma in a few weeks.
It really isn't important.
For those intent on being professionals it isn't necessary and for those doing it as a fun hobby it isn't.

Thanks Bert will definitely have read.

Feel tired just reading all that...do you have much downtime...you know just sit and chill or do something spontaneous. All these classes/activities must be expensive. Do you have more than one child?

Jolly - how do you keep up with all of that? Do you or your DCs feel burnt out...or just want relaxed chill out time with you and each other sometimes?

My2bundles, I agree, intrinsic motivation is more desirable, enjoying it for its own sake, so that when qualifications come later they are nice to haves,not the whole point.

Love the bargain hunt fan too!

Elegantlygrey I can see that you already know about how finding things easy and avoiding challenge can be problematic. Have you tried directly explaining to your son that finding things challenging and working on it is really good because that's when you know you are getting better at some thing? [https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve The Power of Believing that You Can Improve]

I can see why you really want him to continue with piano, because you are concerned about him coasting until things get hard then being stuck and perhaps to give him a better idea of how other people have to work hard to succeed. But I think the element that's missing is him struggling with something he wants to achieve, to work hard when self motivated. It's quite a different skill from complying with a parent or teacher and skiving off at the first opportunity. I'd look at replacing piano with something challenging of his own choice, be it another instrument, another skill like art or chess, a physical activity like dance or something else. In addition, I'd also look at trying to get him to a level where he is challenged by his regular work. If he's progressing this fast, it may well happen naturally anyway. Good luck!

I did Suzuki too, thus the start at 3 years old. I did no grades (apart from grade 5 theory which you have to do take later practical exams) then 2 grade 8s at 13.

Oriental and Eastern European methods start young, you pick up technique very thoroughly and very quickly and you can play by the time you've even begun to think about it.

Suzuki is very sociable as you're learning with other children. It's also very democratic, there are no exams, at the end of each book in where each piece adds a new aspect of technique, you perform all the pieces at 'graduation'. Everyone graduates.

Hence my amusment at being accused of focused on grades yesterday.