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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 15:59

disco, exactly, I'd never let DD gp anywhere unless I'd met the parents and vetoed them,I'd never met this woman before the day she came to play.

DD wrote her friend a note asking of she would like to come and play in the half term, and I put my number in it for her mum to contact me and arrange it if she was free.

I feel a sense of dread every time my phone goes off now ffs!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 16:02

feral, actually I was hoping you'd have mine, something wine and pizza has come up. Thanks hun!

(I HATE hun, by the way!)

OP posts:
AlisonWunderland · 23/02/2016 16:05

Not convinced by the hospital story.
Sounds like she realises that she needs to sound more desperate

Canshopwillshop · 23/02/2016 16:05

Whathefreak - definitely right to nip this one firmly in the bud. She is so hard-faced and it is important to be very firm to avoid being walked all over. I've had other mums try similar with me. I think some people genuinely believe that their time is somehow more precious than yours and that you've got nothing better to do than to provide free childcare for their kids!

AlisonWunderland · 23/02/2016 16:07

Also when you're in a fix, you say "please can you look after my child today and I'll look after yours (twice) next week"

Aworldofmyown · 23/02/2016 16:12

if she pushes the sleepovers i would say that as far as you are concerned sleepovers are for occasional treats and not a regular occurrence.

Some people are Shock

hellsbellsmelons · 23/02/2016 16:15

Well done OP saying no.
The feckin' cheek of it.
And I agree, it's disturbing!

Jux · 23/02/2016 16:23

Well done. Indeed, 'No.' is a complete sentence (though technically it isn't, but that doesn't matter Grin ).

PregnantAndEngaged · 23/02/2016 16:29

You are being FAR from unreasonable. SHE was unreasonable for asking you the first time, let alone 3 times, and let alone 3 times in one sodding week! :O

That poor child as well, I'm genuinely sad for her DD and concerned that she's just being palmed off left right and centre. Obviously that's not to say you aren't capable of looking after her, but that's her mums job and her mum didn't even know you from adam! Also whilst the little girl will be too young to understand now, as she gets old she'll start thinking that her mum doesn't care about her as she always seems to want rid of her for someone else to take care of her while she does god knows what.

I'm sorry but you only ask close friends or family for that much assistance, not someone you don't even know :S

I'd actually be considering reporting her either to the school or social services. But then I am sometimes a bit too nice for my own good so I probably wouldn't, but that's really unfair both on you and on the little girl, and also concerning as who knows; next time she could palm the poor girl off to abusive families or paedophiles!

Diamogs · 23/02/2016 16:34

Wow she is being so so unreasonable. Well done OP stand firm. She is a mega pisstaker

CruCru · 23/02/2016 16:41

I love threads like this. The problem is, it's easy to think "Oh gosh, perhaps I should this time". I can't imagine prioritising a friend's hospital trip over picking up my kids from school. Actually, my school wouldn't let me pick up another child without some form of written authorisation from the parent.

Ringadingdingdong22 · 23/02/2016 16:42

I wonder sometimes why some people have children. Poor girl. I just hope she doesn't leave her DD home alone.

You've definitely done the right thing, hopefully she'll get the message.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 23/02/2016 16:46

I would be tempted to flag this up at school and ask if they are aware of any problems. It really isn't normal to ask you for help so many times in such a short time frame when you barely know her.

SymphonyofShadows · 23/02/2016 16:49

If she's got the brass neck to be arsey about it then perhaps she won't stop asking until she is told to eff off? Thank goodness you are moving away soon. Poor child though, I think I would mention it to someone at school. If she is 9 or 10 it might not be long before she is left on her own, if she isn't already.

dinkystinky · 23/02/2016 16:54

whatthefreakinwhatnow - this woman is a loon. When the inevitable follow up texts arrive, I +suggest you text back that you can not help and have already told her so, and add that you have two daughters that you are responsible for and other commitments to deal with so can not take on responsibility for her child too: her daughter, her responsibility to look after her and collect her from school.

SeptemberFlowers · 23/02/2016 16:56

That poor child :( The Childs mother is just ....well words fail me. I have just read the full thread and was Shock at the text you received back then ShockShock at the other text !

CheerfulYank · 23/02/2016 16:57

I really cannot believe people sometimes.

GruntledOne · 23/02/2016 16:57

I have to say, if it was a choice between accompanying a friend to hospital and risking leaving my child with no-one to collect her, friend would be calling a taxi or an ambulance.

shutupandshop · 23/02/2016 16:59

You certianly did the right thing.

Grapejuicerocks · 23/02/2016 17:00

Wow just wow.

jellycat1 · 23/02/2016 17:01

Wtf?! She sounds mental. I bet she has form for this behaviour too. Bet there'll be other parents at DDs school with similar stories! Well done for saying no and no way are YBU!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2016 17:08

That's crazy! I'm wondering if she's a single mum with a new bf, one she doesn't want/isn't ready to introduce her child to.

I also bet she has form for this. Pretty soon her child will latch on to another child (probably at her instigation) and she'll start over with another school mum.
Poor child. 'Mean' me 😈 would be tempted to have the child one more time just so I could pump her for information. But 'nice' me 😇 would triumph so I'd never actually do it.

Phalenopsisgirl · 23/02/2016 17:09

No that's off, I'm sure if she had explained 'something coming up' was a close family member being rushed to hospital you'd have bent over backwards to help, but it doesn't sound like that kind of situation at all, just thinks you are a soft touch

myusernamewastaken · 23/02/2016 17:15

I think you should block her number x

Fifi10 · 23/02/2016 17:18

I'd be really concerned about her DD's welfare. This is not normal behaviour and makes you wonder how often this is going on with other people or the child being left alone. You have been kind and helpful and gone beyond what anyone could reasonably expect.

You could contact your local safeguarding team anonymously, at least then somebody could assess this properly. They may be already aware of the family and potential child protection issues that you may not be aware of. I know this sounds extreme (please don't flame me!) but from working in primary schools this rings so many alarm bells.

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