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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/02/2016 12:28

Very cheeky - I'd say no as well - most friendships are a pattern of give and take - it's her turn to offer - tea and a play date - do not offer again until this ha been done - even if you say no

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:32

Yes I agree, I would not feel comfortable leaving my children overnight with complete strangers, and I was very suprised she was so ok with it!

I don't know about Dad, I don't know the mother and the DD didn't say anything about him, but when she played with the baby and I asked if she has any siblings, she said she has a brother in Greece, so maybe dad is there?!

She sent me a text saying she's disappointed I can't be more accommodating when she really needs the help. She still hasn't said what the urgent need is?!

I text back saying I was sorry she felt that way, but as her DD has been here twice for sleepovers etc I feel I have been as helpful as I can be, given the very short notice.

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 23/02/2016 12:32

I'd set some rules like once a month and perhaps only on a Thursday (would say fri but then she probably leave her dd wih u the whole weekend)

RubbleBubble00 · 23/02/2016 12:34

Omg the cheek of her - disappointed!!!!

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/02/2016 12:35

How old are the girls? Because if youngish them I'm with nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath (wise name BTW) that seems a bit worrying - a parent that will send a child for 3 sleepovers in a week to a household they don't know at all.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:37

They are 9 and 10 boom.

I wonder if she is on Facebook, might have a nosey and see if there are any clues as to what the emergency was/is.

If it turns out she's been with her boyfriend or out on the town I'll be most annoyed!

OP posts:
Perfectlypurple · 23/02/2016 12:37

If it was a genuine emergency then that's one thing but this is getting to be a habit. You are definitely right to say no.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/02/2016 12:37

Brass neck extraordinaire.

Inertia · 23/02/2016 12:38

Can't believe the cheek of the woman- she's getting arsey with you for not providing overnight childcare for the third time in a week? You've already provided 2 nights more childcare than my mother ever has for her own grandchildren!

ExplodingCarrots · 23/02/2016 12:39

She doesn't work nights does she, OP? She's very cheeky.

amarmai · 23/02/2016 12:40

op , you are my role model now for how to answer cheeky piss taking cows politely and firmly. Way to show us how !

BitOutOfPractice · 23/02/2016 12:40

This is brass neck on a Mexican Holiday Home scale isn't it?

Canshopwillshop · 23/02/2016 12:43

Staggering! Good on you for saying no.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:45

Oh that holiday home thread was shocking! Even DP was Shock at that one!

Oooh I hasn't thought of night working, I'll have to try and find out.

amarmai she really pissed me off with her text. Glad I've been of help haha!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 23/02/2016 12:45

totally not on. she hasn't reciprocated at all, just take take take. fuuuucck oooffffffff

OnlyLovers · 23/02/2016 12:46

She sent me a text saying she's disappointed I can't be more accommodating when she really needs the help.

Fuck's sake. She can jog on, can't she.

MrsJayy · 23/02/2016 12:48

She probably has form for this people like that often do then moved on to the next person you nipped it in the bud good for you

joyfulworld · 23/02/2016 12:56

Definitely you're not horrible. I applaud your courage to say no.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/02/2016 12:57

She sounds like an entitled brat.

FetchezLaVache · 23/02/2016 12:58

Jesus- that text and the arsiness alone are conclusive proof that YANBU. Nowt wrong with your people-reading skills! If you'd said yes, you could basically have expected her DD three times a week minimum. Shock at the brass neck!

WIBU to text back saying "Now hang on a minute here, my lady! You're not my friend, I had never even met you until last week, so I am unclear as to why you expect such a high level of accommodation, quite literally, from me at all?"

Tootsieglitterballs · 23/02/2016 12:59

My lads not old enough for sleep overs, so no experience, but wouldn't be surprised if she has pulled the same one on some other child's mother and they have also started to say no.... Either that or Shea just rude!

If there were a genuine emergency, you would say so when you ask and at least give a little info.

Trying it on muchly I think.

Facebook stalk I think

DownstairsMixUp · 23/02/2016 13:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

formerbabe · 23/02/2016 13:02

Some people are so cheeky. ..I went for a coffee once with a friend. Some other mums I'd never met before came along and one of them asked me if I'd look after her baby when she went back to work?! I'd never met her before and I'm not a childminder! I declined and told her I was busy enough looking after my own baby.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 13:06

Bloody hell former, that's shocking! Who does that?! 😮

I'm hoping thats the end of it and she doesn't come asking again, but I wouldn't be suprised if she does.

Had a nosey on Facebook, but she has no recent posts so no clues there Angry

OP posts:
myusernamewastaken · 23/02/2016 13:07

This happened to me years ago when my daughter was at playgroup....another mum kept ringing me just before i was due to pick up and ask me if i could grab her dd aswell as she was stuck in town/traffic/couldnt be arsed.....this went on for ages.....anyway it transpired other mum was in the next village with her legs in the air whilst me and her clueless husband had no idea x

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