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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2016 14:59

I think that she's really taking the piss. If it were something really important (family in hospital, possibly an abusive spouse she wants the child away from) she'd probably have broken down and told you after you said no rather than just say you 'aren't accommodating'. And why in hell should you be 'accommodating', you aren't a hotel!

whythefucknot · 23/02/2016 15:03

It's that rare thing on MN - a unanimous YANBU!

pigsinmud · 23/02/2016 15:13

YANBU. What a cheek!

Jux · 23/02/2016 15:17

Rules:
No sleepovers on a school night.
No more than one sleepover a month.

If she persists, then it's not good for your dd, she gets tired and cranky; but you don't heed to explain yourself to her.

Potterwolfie · 23/02/2016 15:21

It's her, not you. Why not just say you don't have sleepovers on a school night? I definitely wouldn't unless it was an emergency, in which case yes, I'd help out.

thebestfurchinchilla · 23/02/2016 15:22

Yanbu what sort of a parent is she??

thebestfurchinchilla · 23/02/2016 15:23

Def agree with jux and potter no sleepovers on school nights are limited at weekends. Mine are older but still they have a knock on effect on the child and everyone else. suddenly become busy for a few weekends. She has taken advantage of your good nature I'm afraid.

thebestfurchinchilla · 23/02/2016 15:24

and limited at weekends!

Eliza22 · 23/02/2016 15:27

Good grief, YANBU. This is entirely wrong. Shame on her.

GruntledOne · 23/02/2016 15:38

She sent me a text saying she's disappointed I can't be more accommodating when she really needs the help

I'd be so tempted just to text back "Into each life some rain must fall".

Lemond1fficult · 23/02/2016 15:39

What is she disappointed with? She's never even MET you! Why would she have any expectations at all? Total piss taker, though I feel sorry for the kid.

Well done for keeping your lid on!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 15:42

Do she wasn't at school.....walking home my phone buzzes.....can I collect her DD at 4 from her club, as she has had to take a friend to hospital and won't be back in time! Confused

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 23/02/2016 15:45

Of course you're a disappointment, op. If you had anything about you, you'd have offered to adopt the child by now; to save her Ma the hassle of the constant search for someone to dump her with.
Shame on you.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 15:45

So, obviously!Bloody fat fingers!!

I've said no of course, I've just walked in,I'm not going back out again! I've suggested she ask the school if she can go to after school club until she's back fron dropping her friend off. I then said I hope your friend isn't waiting too long for company to come, what a shame it's at school time when you have to be somewhere!

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 23/02/2016 15:45

Oh how interesiting that a friend 'suddenly' had to be taken to the hospital. I bet she will then text you that oops she is stuck there and can you have her DD overnight..

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 15:46

Dear god, I'm going to have to change my phone number aren't I! Sad

OP posts:
RedorBlack · 23/02/2016 15:46

Don't do it OP, you'll end up having her overnight again.

It's a shame you left your phone at home today & went out to the park/ coffee shop/ bumblefuck nowhere straight after school & won't see the message until about 7 Wink

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/02/2016 15:46

More front than Blackpool!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 15:47

Katherina, I bloody hope not!!

I'm going to stay firm and just say no, I can't help sorry. No explanation, just no a d repeat!

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 23/02/2016 15:54

Don't answer any other texts requesting pick ups/overnights, is my suggestion.

Otherwise you'll get into this back and forth constantly.

Cheeky cow.

DiscoGlitter · 23/02/2016 15:56

Been thinking about this thread some more whilst on the school run cos I'm sad like that,lol and the more I think about it the more sad it seems.
Not only is the mum farming her child out for overnight sleepovers at somebody's house she's never been to, the mum HERSELF you say has never met you.
Who does that? I wouldn't let mine sleep over anywhere if I didn't know the parents or anything about them, and definitely keep on piss taking with it. Sad
Out of curiosity, how does the child come to yours for the play date then if you've never even met the parents?
How have they got your number? There must have been some sort of interaction for the initial sort out to have happened. Confused

HeartShapedBox · 23/02/2016 15:57

Shock her brass -neck knows no bounds!

What a cheeky cow.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/02/2016 15:57

Wow, I'd have waited until ten past four to reply - no.

FeralBeryl · 23/02/2016 15:57

Oh God definitely not for the after club pick up! She'll set her alarm to remind her in between shagging every two hours to ring and tell you she's stuck in the hospital all night. Cheeky bugger, well done though-you've fielded these insane requests amazingly Flowers

oh and can you possibly look after my kids tonight please? PLEASE?! Grin

ScarletOverkill · 23/02/2016 15:58

Blooming hell! She's taking the piss!