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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
Inertia · 25/02/2016 22:26

I think that the teacher is trying to reassure the OP that she's done the right thing in reporting her concerns without giving away any confidential information.

OP, it's totally understandable that you want to care for this little girl, but it does sound as though she needs the safeguarding team acting to protect her.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 08:00

Thanks all. Must admit I was thinking of her last night and wondering who picked her up and where she is Sad

Really, really hoping she is with someone familiar and not another random.

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 26/02/2016 08:06

It is a very sad situation but unfortunatly it isn't uncommon. I worked in infants schools for years and there are usually several dc like this in any school. It is heartbreaking but the fact you've alerted the school will hopefully mean the start of things getting better for this child. If you'd not said anything this probably would have gone on so your done a great thing OP.

FeralBeryl · 26/02/2016 09:45

You've done the right thing Flowers
I know how much you will have wanted to scoop her up and look after her-but you'd only be compounding the issue. This needed flagging and actioning and you made that happen!
You should be very proud of yourself for sticking to your guns and being a fab role model to your own children too.

Comeonmommy · 26/02/2016 14:36

I agree, well done X

SpartaCarcass · 26/02/2016 17:59

Oh poor little girl :(

Glad You've done the right thing. Someone will start investigating now, which can only help.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 18:03

She wasn't in school today, I asked DD if they enjoyed choir practice and she said 'Oh, x wasn't here today so I stood with y&z'.

I really hope she's ok Sad

OP posts:
SpartaCarcass · 26/02/2016 18:05

Hard though it is, don't start fretting over her. She may be off quite often, you just don't know. Nasty bugs going round etc.

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 26/02/2016 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 26/02/2016 18:29

That poor girl. She didn't hit the jackpot with parents did she.

ANewIdentitytoJazzItUpABit · 26/02/2016 18:36

This is so bloody sad to read. This mum has no idea the impact she's putting on her DD - scenarios like these can very often cause issues that stay with a child/person for life. This is nothing short of awful.

lovealookabout · 27/02/2016 13:26

Poor DD, I should imagine some random was sent to pick her up again or mum turned up really late. Such a shame she is unable to make her daughter the priority, if she was stuck she could of phoned :-(

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