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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 23/02/2016 13:12

Damn these social media discreet brass-necked nightmares Grin

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 13:12

This is what I was worried about, I didn't want her to become reliant on me babysitting like this for her? that's why I've said no even though I've nothing on and could easily look after her DD.

We are relocating to the east of England in the summer, so if she does keep pestering, I will cite various house hunting/move related reasons why she can't come until she gets the message

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 13:14

random ? in my last post should have been a comma. Bloody touchscreen!!

OP posts:
Tanith · 23/02/2016 13:20

Text back the link for childcare.co.uk

Sonnet · 23/02/2016 13:28

You did the right thing - I've been there and got the T-Shirt TWICE!!

The second time was exactly as you described - girl had just joined the school never met her or her parent and she was invited for a play date. Before that had even happened the mother text me to see if I could have her overnight!! It just went on and on...I only found the confidence to tell her no when her DD was blatantly nasty to mine at School and then that eve the mother phoned me to see if I would have her for the weekend!!

pinkcan · 23/02/2016 13:29

Complete piss taker. Any child care will do. There are lots of people around like this.

If it was a genuine emergency she would tell you what it was. But actually she is just taking the piss.

trixymalixy · 23/02/2016 13:30

ShockShock, the brass neck of her! YANBU.

LoTeQuiero · 23/02/2016 13:35

Great text back OP. Brilliant.

SymphonyofShadows · 23/02/2016 13:38

I am Shock at her utter cheek. The posts about safeguarding are right though, it is worrying.

blobbityblob · 23/02/2016 13:40

I would only do an emergency sleepover for a good friend for a good reason. She's taking the piss. Dd has a friend in this situation. I feel really sorry for her. You can see the disappointment and sadness in her face when her dm yet again fails to pick her up on some lame excuse. But yes, we once had her for a sleepover and no sooner had we dropped her home, had a text asking for the same next week. I just say no now. We invite her round if dd wants to invite her round, no other reason. She'll move onto somebody else now and try her luck there.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/02/2016 13:50
  • You're not even friends, why does she think you owe her anything?
  • if she really needs help, I would want to at least know what the reason was. Medical emergency one thing, shagging new boyfriend not so much.
Aberchips · 23/02/2016 13:51

What a cheek! You're totally right to say no OP & don't feel guilty about it. She obviously doesn't feel guilty about palming her DD off on people she hardly knows.
You're probably the latest in a line of other parents she has been using for free childcare & the rest have just got wise to her & said no as well. Stick to your guns & don't feel like you have to make up excuses. Just be short & to the point say "no sorry I can't".

dinkystinky · 23/02/2016 13:53

Wow - you don't even know this woman and yet she's trying to get her DD to sleep over at yours 3 times in a week! She's definitely taking the piss - don't respond to any further requests - and definitely don't organise any more playdates with her DD until she at least reciprocates!

CocktailQueen · 23/02/2016 13:53

God, the brass neck of her! YANBU at all.

Has she ever offered to have your dd in return??

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 13:59

Nope, absolutely no mention of DD going to their house for dinner or anything, just if she can come here.

I reckon you lot are right, and there will be loads of others who have been in my boat,and whwn she gets fed up of me saying no she'll try someone else. Her poor DD if this is the case Sad

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/02/2016 14:02

Oh, don't use house hunting or any excuses! Just, 'NO, that won't be possible.' Yes, you're the latest in a long line.

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 14:33

Ok, no excuses, just a firm "No I can't".

I wonder if she'll be at school for pick up today? God I hope she doesn't accost me and start pleading or having a go, I'll be seriously annoyed if she does!

OP posts:
whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 23/02/2016 14:37

Maybe it's in light of a recent thread but I would be a bit concerned about her and her child's welfare. This is not normal behaviour.

expatinscotland · 23/02/2016 14:38

She accosts you just repeat, 'No, that's not possible' over and over and over. I mean, WTF? She just expects total strangers to look after her kid overnight because 'something came up'. And has the nerve to say she's disappointed when strangers don't accommodate her brass neck? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

DiscoGlitter · 23/02/2016 14:40

She sent me a text saying she's disappointed I can't be more accommodating when she really needs the help. She still hasn't said what the urgent need is?!

My mouth literally dropped open upon reading that. You've had her child overnight TWICE this week, despite never meeting her, and she's disappointed you won't have her again?!
This can't be real. The absolute, utter, cheeky cow!!!!!!
Don't question whether you are being unreasonable or not, it's blatantly her and you're far nicer than I am as I'd have said no the time after the first one!
"Sorry, no that doesn't work for me, I'm busy."
I'd have no guilt whatsoever either.
Cheeky mare.

gamerchick · 23/02/2016 14:43

If she pulls you at school tell her you think you should have s word with the welfare officer at school as its disturbing how she's willing to palm her kid off on strangers.

This thread is disturbing, poor bloody kid.

Tanith · 23/02/2016 14:47

You've just got time to nip to the bathroom and practise in front of the mirror:
"Bugger off! Bugger off!" Bugger off!"

Chilver · 23/02/2016 14:49

Wow, just wow! You are definitely NBU. I even felt guilty when my friends offered to have my DD for a few hours when I was having chemo and just physically couldn't look after my DD some days so I struggle to imagine that someone could be so cavalier about their child!!

If she asks again, I would start asking some very purposely intrusive questions to get the point across that what she's doing is not ok "I am worried about you if you can't look after your DD - do we need to get 'someone' involved to help you out" or "could your DD's dad have custody if you can't cope"....

BumpTheElephant · 23/02/2016 14:51

Shock at that text! I just cannot understand how anyone can even think like that!
If it was a genuine emergency she would have given you some idea of what it was and also been very grateful and apologetic over the short notice. At least that's what decent non selfish people do.
I feel sorry for her dd and in the unlikely event your dd is invited round there I wouldn't let her go as I wouldn't want my child in her care.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/02/2016 14:56

you are definitely not unreasonable. she is taking the piss big time and yes I expect she does this repeatedly

if life is so hectic surely you would have a system/contact list in place rather than hitting and hoping on people you haven't met.

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