Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?!

You've handled this impeccably. I think you're absolutely doing the right thing flagging this with the school and I hope they take it seriously. Show the texts to the teacher.

Wow, I think your case takes the cake for the most dramatic ungrateful childcare user (and there are a lot out there but they don't generally ask for overnights ... especially on weeknights). I'd say she's ... um... servicing.

I've still got all her texts so I will be sure to show them to her, just about to set off to the school so will let you know how it goes!

The teacher very diplomatically told me that I'm not the first to raise concerns, and will pass all the info to the safeguarding team.

I feel so sad for the little girl- she was so quiet when she was here, I can't stop thinking this was because she is used to staying in strange places 😢

Glad the school will know. Methinks the mum dumps kids anytime she gets a man.

Glad the school are now aware, just pray she doesn't leave her alone when she runs of of 'friends'.

Has to be something bloke related - if she was a struggling single mum doing extra shifts at work, surely she'd have mentioned it? Not that it's up to you to provide free childcare whatever the reasons - good that the school is aware

When I left with DD, friend was stood in the playground still, 10 mins after bell. I asked her who was coming, mum or someone else, but she said she didn't know

The class teacher was with her and said to come back to the classroom to wait in the warm. My guess is this happens a lot, as on the one occasion I was late (car died!) by 15 mins, DD was sat in reception when I got there.

Oh that's so sad

Poor little mite. I'm sure it's a relief to know you've handed this off to people who are equipped to deal with this.

Poor girl. You've done the right thing, op.

If you're anything like me you're probably wanting to scoop her up & let her spend more time in your home now to show her someone cares. I'm glad school have that additional bit of info from you, it might come to make all the difference. Poor love.

That's exactly how I feel storm, she's such a lovely girl I'd happily have her here, it's just the circumstances I was unhappy about, not the girl herself.

I felt horrible leaving her at school, she looked so lost I really wanted to offer to bring her home, but who knows when mum would come? Trying to sell one house, buy another, arrange a move across the country, school for DD, a transfer with work and a nursery for the baby is enough to be getting on with at the moment, but I still feel so bad for her 😢

Well done, OP. Her mum takes the piss royally, but it's not the girl's fault.

I hope the mum is off your case now!

The poor girl. I would feel the same as you. Cold comfort I know, but you're doing the right thing.

Oh, poor little thing. She needs a lot more help than you can give her, I'm afraid, even you were to have her after school every day. Poor, poor child.

You have done the right thing. Poor girl, mum doesn't seem to care.

Heartbreaking to follow this and

Well done, OP. Hopefully your report to the school will prompt some sort of action. I can't think of a happy outcome really, but at least I hope that someone will be put in place to keep that child safe.

heartbreaking really. that woman doesn't deserve her.

Tragically sad
So if you aren't the first to disclose it,what are they doing to safeguard the poor girl?

icelolly the school can't disclose that information to the OP she just has to trust school are dealing with it or if for whatever reason she doesn't trust school to act on it then she needs to disclose her concerns to SS herself (but she'll still never find out the outcome)

Dreadful. Should the teacher gave actually even acknowledged test they'd had other concerns? That seems s bit indiscreet.

Oh this is absolutely heartbreaking poor girl. Can't believe the cheek of the mother.
I'm glad school are aware but hope there is some kind of safeguarding plan in place asap.
for you OP. Horrible situation. Good luck with your move too

You've done the right thing. And as hard as it sounds leaving her may actually be the best thing in the long run. Any help you give would only be 'stop-gap' and may actually hinder the school/SS from getting the help for her and her mum that they so obviously need. If her mum is able to drum up random people to shuttle and care for her child then, well, the child is being cared for as opposed to the school being able to say 'Well, XX was left at school 2 weeks in a row, we had to chase her mum down until she sent someone after her', iyswim.

It's just so, so sad. I'm really lucky in that I've always had family and friends that could help me if I needed it. It just makes you feel so bad that this mum and her child apparently have no one.

It's not just down to the school. They will contact the authorities and it takes on a whole life of it's own, out of the school's hands. School hasn't disclosed anything only that they are aware there have been issues.