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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 24/02/2016 20:35

Please let her reply!!!!!

flanjabelle · 24/02/2016 20:41

Good for you op. She's just pissed off as she was expecting you to bend to her will and do what she wanted.

flanjabelle · 24/02/2016 20:42

Her idea of a good friend is clearly some mug that she can push around. I'm glad you are not going to be that mug.

WonderingAspie · 24/02/2016 20:53

What a brilliant reply. Hopefully she is too shamefaced to reply (I doubt it though and hoping you can update us with a great example of how to make friends and influence people). Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2016 21:20

👍👍👍

DartmoorDoughnut · 24/02/2016 21:42

OP your reply is epic! Grin

MogLikesEggs · 24/02/2016 21:47

Excellent reply, no wonder she is on the look out for new friends...isn't friendship about reciprocity?

ifcatscouldtalk · 24/02/2016 21:49

I've just read this thread with my jaw on the floorShock. OP you were polite for much longer than i'd of managed. I'm rarely speechless but WOW.

GeordieBadger · 24/02/2016 22:05

The poor child. Have you told the school?

sleeponeday · 24/02/2016 22:29

Yeah, block her. You can't have a straight conversation with a crooked person, and you can't shame someone who isn't familiar with the term. You've said you won't be her childcare meal ticket and she is enraged because she thinks she has a right to your providing that. Because she is a user.

Cut all ties and ignore... but do, please, show the school's safeguarding lead teacher (the website should be very clear on who that is) this text exchange, because leaving a young girl on repeated overnight stays with someone you have never even met is shockingly neglectful. I don't care what is happening in her own life - you don't do that. She's lucky she happened upon someone as responsible and kind as you, but other options may be less so.

SquinkiesRule · 24/02/2016 22:38

Poor kid, not place marking or anything, honest

MadamDeathstare · 24/02/2016 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stars1 · 24/02/2016 23:17

What scares me about this woman is at what point will she just leave the poor girl alone.

She clearly has no regard for her daughter and who she dumps her with (no offence OP, your a star!)

IdaJones · 24/02/2016 23:30

Did your dd just happen to invite the girl over of her own accord before all this free childcare was needed? Or might the girl have been asking if she could come over after being badgered by her mum to ask?

lougle · 25/02/2016 00:05

Blimey!Shock

Spermysextowel · 25/02/2016 02:13

I admit that I'm inclined to look on the negative side, but just supposing that the very worst happens to the child. Imagine this whole thread open to interpretation. Some advocating action, some just keen to join the fray. I do hope that
the OP flags this with the school as a possible problem.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 25/02/2016 04:10

No advice, you've been handling this brilliantly. I hope you're shot of her and the little girl is OK in the long run. Good luck with the school!

But wow...what balls on that woman. Amazing.

FishWithABicycle · 25/02/2016 04:57

Not remotely too harsh. She may need to look at a dictionary to establish that "friend" doesn't actually mean "credulous mug I can use for free childcare whenever I like"

Jenny70 · 25/02/2016 05:36

I agree although you seem to have been very clear (and good on you!) with her taking advantage, you do still need to speak to the school. You have been caring and trustworthy, but the next person may not be.

Her willingness to farm her daughter out to people she doesn't know is a huge problem.

Paedophiles target these people. They offer a sympathetic ear, they offer to help do jobs, which rapidly lead to babysitting, sometimes for extended periods. They make themselves indispensible to the parent. The parent isn't around to listen/observe child's upset and is disinclined to believe it because they"need" this help.

There was a case a few years back of a woman heading to a job interview that left her baby in the care of a man she met at the train station on the way... needless to say he didn't have good intentions, and she was negligent for palming baby off to a stranger.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 25/02/2016 08:09

I'm going to call the school once the office opens (I'm not dropping DD off) and make an appointment to see the teacher after school, so that she will definitely have time to speak to me (hopefully!)

The more I think about this the more cross I get on that little girls behalf 😢

OP posts:
MissMoo22 · 25/02/2016 12:33

Just read the full thread. WOW! Just wow.

SpartaCarcass · 25/02/2016 12:52

Good on you. You've handled this really well and been very kind so far.
Hope the teachers listen to you properly.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 25/02/2016 13:15

Teacher is seeing me before the end of school, so DD isn't with me, which is good of her. Will tell her everything that has gone on.

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 25/02/2016 13:21

Glad you're seeing the teacher. I bet she's really shocked!

LemonySippet · 25/02/2016 13:53

Great responses from you OP, they're the kind of things I'd think of about a year later when I'm still seething about it in the middle of the night!

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