Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
divafever99 · 24/02/2016 17:31

I wouldn't dream of letting my dc play at someone else's house without knowing the patents reasonably well, let alone leave them overnight. I feel sad for the little girl, what is going on at home. Please speak with the school about safeguarding, all this is ringing alarm bells.

TheDowagerCuntess · 24/02/2016 17:38

Comeon - you sound lovely to be so willing to give this women the benefit of the doubt.

But the benefit of the doubt is worth a tiny sliver of 0.01% compared with the 99.9% more likely scenario, that she is rude and entitled. And on that basis, it's not worth the OP being taken for a fool or a doormat.

If there really was a legitimate reason, and she was desperate, it's far more likely that the OP would've picked up on that.

Or, the woman might actually have said herself, in the interests of persuading the OP to help her out.

amarmai · 24/02/2016 18:18

if there is a legitimate reason , perhaps ss can help with that , not the op.

IdaJones · 24/02/2016 18:19

How many hours was she with you for the first stay op? You've been more accommodating than me. I'd have probably agreed to the first sleepover, but made an excuse for the second one as I'd have had enough by then.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 24/02/2016 19:02

sorry for the rubbish slow update, been on a 4 hour round trip to view houses!

I'm going to collect my DD tomorrow not family so I will have a world with their class teacher about the situation.

I replied to jer text saying "Actually, considering we AREN'T friends, don't know each other and had never met before last week, I think I've been more than helpful, and I'm quite annoyed that you appear to have taken my kindness for granted. Please don't ask me to take DD overnight or indeed for any period of childcare again, as,frankly, I feel you have massively taken the piss, and my answer will be no I'm afraid.

Not heard anythingback from her yet!

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 24/02/2016 19:07

Yeah go you op! Well put.

gamerchick · 24/02/2016 19:10

Big claps man OP Grin

TheDowagerCuntess · 24/02/2016 19:10

Perfect! Can just imagine the frothing when she receives that!

Perfectlypurple · 24/02/2016 19:12

Good reply. People like this get away with things like this because we all just meekly leave it - me included!

evilcherub · 24/02/2016 19:21

Excellent reply.

HermioneWeasley · 24/02/2016 19:25

Well done OP! Don think you'll hear back from her after that.

WitchWay · 24/02/2016 19:27

Excellent text!

lovealookabout · 24/02/2016 19:33

Amazing reply, have read the whole thread and think uv nailed it. Reminded me of a "friend" who sends me out of the blue messages for references and to moan about her life. Has asked how I am about once. At least I've a actually met her tho.
This women is taking the utter piss and very worrying that she thinks she is owed anything or that ur friends. The whole leaving her DD in a house she doesn't know smacks of irresponsibility. And I have to agree with everyone before who said new boyfriend who she wants to have fun with and not involve child.

Hissy · 24/02/2016 19:37

Awesome response! FlowersStar

amarmai · 24/02/2016 19:43

woo hoo op! Like i said -you are my model for texting pisstakers.

Akire · 24/02/2016 19:46

Fab text and great to get the last word! How dare she try make you feel bad. Any one would have been really grateful if they were really stuck. You dodged a great one there. Who are these people who provide free unquestionably childcare?

SpartaCarcass · 24/02/2016 19:46

What a brilliant reply Freak

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 24/02/2016 19:54

Oh good, I wasn't too harsh then?! Grin

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 24/02/2016 20:01

Great response. Well done!

MouldyPeach · 24/02/2016 20:12

Was a good response but, again, really hope your and her daughter's friendship doesn't suffer because of her actions :(

icelollycraving · 24/02/2016 20:14

Brilliant!!

bakeoffcake · 24/02/2016 20:21

I feel so sorry for this child.

Please talk to the school to tomorrow and tell them everything!

Tandia · 24/02/2016 20:30

Brilliantly worded text. You can hold your head high that you've told her how it is, but without resorting to her level. If I ever get in a conflict can I message you for help?! 😉

louisejxxx · 24/02/2016 20:33

Cracking reply!

EweAreHere · 24/02/2016 20:35

I'm glad you're going to talk to the school.

Your reply was perfectly reasonable.

I hope the message has gone through, but I do feel for her DD.