Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?!

And what has this woman done for you on the "friendship" stakes?

You seem to have the situation well under control, OP. Don't feel bad at all. You haven't done anything wrong.

Mother of god who are these cheeky bitches I'm always reading about on here I pray to god that I never encounter one my ds only started school this year I'm genuinely nervous about being snared by a piss taking mummy
OP yaddddddddnbu you were dead right nipping that in the bud when you did. You sound very kind letting her dd stay the first time she obviously thinks you're a soft touch
And who knew sleepovers on a school night were a thing my god my child would be like a wild animal with his friend stayin the night they wouldn't get a wink of sleep and I'd be like someone deranged doing the school run
She wants free childcare tell her to sling it

Oh, be rude, definitely be rude. Surely the only sane response is along the lines of 'Well, go fuck a pig then, you utter mentalist'?

Or an invoice for your childcare services. £30 an hour daytime, £50 an hour nights sounds about right

You've been more than generous and hospitable already.

Interesting that she asked you and doesn't seem to have any close friends she can dump her daughter on when Something Comes Up . . .

Sounds like she's using you. I would like to know why her daughter needs to stay overnight at yours so much. Is there a genuine reason or is it that she wants a bit of free time for herself? In my opinion you've done the right thing. An occasional sleepover at an odd weekend or during the holidays is one thing but this is too much.

I'd be concerned for her child's welfare. She obviously thinks it's ok to leave her child with strangers overnight repeatedly.

I bet she's been through lots of other parents at school. We have someone like this at our school, ours just likes to party. Kid has an extraordinary number of sleepovers, although they are drying up somewhat. People have understood if they agree to a sleepover they will house and feed the (lovely) child for the foreseeable future at least weekly.

I'm now worried that Ste will leave the wee girl alone in the house, while she does whatever.

Ste? SHE.

Have you had a chance to have a quick chat in confidence with school about this yet? I think you said upthread you were probably going to do so. Although like many others I've read this thread and chortled at the sheer brass neck, I'm genuinely worried about this poor child too.

"You weren't looking for a friend so don't give me that crap, you were looking for free childcare. For you pretend otherwise is, quite frankly, embarrassing. Goodbye"

Or "well with friends like you, who needs enemies!"

Some people are really unbelievable!

Are you going to mention it to the school? I'm not comfortable with my DCs having sleep overs with anyone unless I have known the parents for quite a while and I know them fairly well and consider them friends. And vice versa, I wouldn't ha e a child that I didn't really know either as you just don't know what they are going to be like.

This 'something come up' is bullshit. If it was genuine she would have told you what it was rather than leaving it vague. Plus the excuse of taking friend to the hospital at the last minute, right at school time was highly convenient. Either her child is cramping her style with her new BF or she is a cheapskate who doesn't want to pay out for childcare whilst she is at work.

**Oh, be rude, definitely be rude. Surely the only sane response is along the lines of 'Well, go fuck a pig then, you utter mentalist'?

This made me burst out laughing I cannot wait for an excuse to text that to somebody

I would speak to the safeguarding person at the school.

I know I'm making a lot of assumptions but I think the most likely scenarios are either (a) the mother is not willing or able to give her child the proper care she needs or (b) the mother has a new boyfriend whose presence is not compatible with having a child in the house (domestic violence, abusive relationship...) and she is being pressurised to send her off. Either situation is potentially harmful for the child.

If you let the school know, they can keep watch and "join the dots" with any other information they have or will receive - it's key to protecting vulnerable children, and no harm will come from you reporting concerns.

I wouldn't enter into any text spat with the mum.

Surely the only sane response is along the lines of 'Well, go fuck a pig then, you utter mentalist'?

Who could not fail to laugh out loud upon the receipt of that text?

OP send that. She won't be expecting it and it will make her day.

I am just slack jawed at that final text she sent in reply to your (really bloody polite one) last one.

I said yesterday and I'll repeat it now: you do - whether you like it or not, whether you just wish to god you'd never set eyes on the woman or not - have a duty of care to speak to the schools EWO. Setting aside all piss-taking and nuttiness, a child who is placed overnight with people the parent doesn't even know is, de facto, a child at risk.

People are acutely aware of stranger danger but the reality is most molestation issues are within family homes - and you (nor her, but it doesn't seem to matter to her) don't know that the next place she's left at won't have an 'uncle'/older brother/father/friend staying etc etc who is a paedophile. I do not write that lightly.

The % risk and rate of sexual abuse is far greater for children in precisely the chaotic situation you describe as by definition they are frequently placed in a variety of places of potential risk.

You MUST telephone the school and ask for the EWO to please call you asap; if asked why, simply say it is as you have some concerns regarding a pupil that you would like to discuss with him/her, do NOT let some nosy receptionist push you into discussing it with him/her as that would not be appropriate - just as doing nothing is not appropriate

That poor little girl.

I do agree about having a chat to school. Just outline what you've told us, and that you feel concerned that her mum is so free and easy to offload her daughter. Leave it with them. Avoid the woman.

I think your text was perfectly polite and conveyed wgat it needed to.

Has she at any time said TYVM at all?

Lady Finally, someone else who gets that this is serious! I posted twice yesterday regarding safeguarding only for other posters to say that it was 'extreme' and 'melodramatic' or worse still might get the mum in trouble with SS.

I've been a designated person for safeguarding in schools for many years, this situation smacks of neglect at the very least and it is not OPs job to investigate herself in case she is 'jumping to conclusions'. You don't just quiz children who are in potentially abusive situations. OP does however have a duty to report this to either school or the local safeguarding hub anonymously if she feels uncomfortable with approaching the school in person. It is for them to investigate as they see fit and assess the risk to the child.

I agree.

If she is doing this to someone she has never met, I bet she has been doing it for a while and has run out of real 'friends' or she hasn't got any.

You obviously cannot have a reasonable conversation with her and I would avoid getting involved in a text slanging match with someone who (for what ever reason) is pretty desperate. Just block her.

I would mentioned it to the school though.

Poor little girl .

Gosh that woman is seriously deluded.

I would have to reply with something like 'friends?! I only met you this week'

Goodness me, the cheek of some people! Personally, I would never leave my child with someone I'd never met for an hour, let alone overnight.

Please OP, please speak to the Safeguarding Leader at school. Something isn't sitting well with this at all. If the mother is happy to leave her with someone she's never met, who else is she happy to leave her daughter with?? It just doesn't bear thinking about.

'No need to be rude. Despite my various commitments and not knowing each other, I've been very helpful'

Then report to the schools safe guarding officer. Huge red flags!!!

Wow "thanks for nothing"?! how rude. Agree with everyone who says you need to talk to safeguarding about this poor little girl OP.
Would stay away from this woman and resist texting back a suitable response because judging by how she has approached the situation she will only be a continuing nightmare for you.

I would like to think she won't bother come the holidays if you ignore her, but just to be safe I would block her number. (I maybe showing my naivety) If she wants to speak to you she knows where you live if she gets that desperate.