only wanting my son to wear certain styles of clothes?

[SkytecBlue]

DH wants to dress our 2 year old in mismatched/ kiddy printed baby type clothes. Do you know what I mean? Like a bright blue dinosaur covered coat, bright yellow t shirt with Winnie the Pooh on etc etc
I prefer to dress him in outfits that look "cool". And if not cool, at least colour coordinated. And match his socks to his outfit too.
It's not a contentious issue, I can obviously live if he doesn't wear the clothes I like, but DH thinks I'm unreasonable to even CONSIDER thinking of dressing him in a certain style or a particular way?

But then I have also argue with DH over the fact he will happily dress the kids (and himself) in creased clothes.

Sometimes mumsnet makes really depressing reading, it seems their are a few people on here who just jump at the chance to be spiteful to someone behind the safety of their screen. Is dressing your developmentally delayed child in matching clothing really the crime of the century? Some of you need to take a good look in the mirror when it comes to a character assessment.

Yes I do apologise, I dont have time to RTFT as I dont have WiFi at home, Id still let his Dad dress him however he wants though.

I liked my DD to look at least co-ordinated as a baby but she has grown up to have the least co-ordinated dress sense ever - stripes, patterns, flowers, all in one outfit. She's been very vocal about choosing her own clothes since she was tiny so any hope of the clothes vaguely matching long since went out the window.

My DSis and I joke about the parallel universe in which our DDs are Boden-clad and beautifully co-ordinated.

I would draw the line at them wearing odd socks though, even though there is a portal to hell in my house where odd socks go, leaving the others here in the house.

I think being too matchy matchy is a bit try hard, especially socks to outfit. I dress my children to look like children, not mini adults. I have enough money to spend on dc's clothes so like good quality stuff from JoJo or Boden. Tight on them though, most of what I choose is brightly coloured and patterned, can't promise they'll be matching or ironed either!

I have a sibling with a disability and he always wears matching clothes ( mainly Nike, or addidas).
I can't stand seeing children or adults with sen put in unmatching clothes, cheap trainers and silly hats. It's not fair and lazy.

I agree with the suggestion of putting outfits together on hangers and let your DH choose whatever he wants (co ordinated or not). I have an 18 month old and try to get him to co ordinate. Now that he's showing a little interest in what he is wearing I might offer him a choice of t shirts.

I like to dress my son quite trendily and am less keen on things emblazoned with characters as I don't want my son to be a walking advert for a tv show.I can't stand it when kids look scruffy, dirty or like they got dressed in the dark. I think parents should take pride in their appearance and dress them nicely.I have never shopped in Boden though I think its a bit boring!

I have been thinking about this off and on all day. I think what the OP says about her DS being developmentally delayed is significant too, as others have pointed out. My DS is autistic and among a number of sensory issues he has he cannot bear his hair to be cut. So he does not have a proper hair style.... it is very shaggy and someone described it in my hearing (I was not meant to overhear) as a 'SEN' cut. Which really hurt. I am not over-precious about what he wears, but it has to be clean and non-clashing, but I am hyper sensitive about him smelling clean and looking clean and his hair looking clean. So I 'freshen' him up each morning with dry hair shampoo for example. His shoes are always polished. Other posters have said that with children with development issues, that ensuring they are clean and put together is seen as critical, to prove the child is looked after. i DO feel that too, but it manifests in personal hygiene rather than a focus on matching clothes.

Why on earth does liking matching outfits on your children mean that you regard them as accessories?!?! Ffs I just cannot believe the sanctimonious shite on this thread. If people couldn't give a hoot for matching clothes then cool. And if they do then that's cool to. They're clothes ffs. So long as the child is warm and comfy who cares what people dress their kids in? It's like inverted snobbery of who can do the most mismatched clothes. My two youngest were only a year apart, a boy and a girl, and I absolutely loved putting them in co-ordinating outfits. It pleased me, and as it was me that cared for them and it did them no harm them why judge?

Yanbu but will be told you are by the Boden wearing "my kids wear clothes from the charity shop or an elsa dress (boy), brother's hand me downs" brigade.

And lo, on the MN blog of the day slot is a post about a boy in an Elsa dress

YANBU OP, btw.

You may as well dress him the way you like, because at some point he's going to have his own (mostly awful) ideas about how he wants to dress and you're going to have to put up with it.

Sadly, you can't make your DH share your taste in toddlerwear and he can also dress him how he likes.

The solution, obviously, would be to ensure you always do the dressing. Although that may be inconvenient...

I'm sorry for the late reply to all of your messages, still getting back into the swing of post half term!

I genuinely didn't think on this until you guys mentioned, but I think it is because of his special needs. I'm reluctant to say this here, because I will just be slated more, but just to explain,,, he already looks different. I just want people to think he looks smart when they look at him. By that I mean, if he is going to look different, it'll be nice if he looks like all the other kids his age as much as he can. Even if he is just lying down on the floor or in my arms.
I have used wrong words, I don't mean "Cool" like designer clothes, but just normal matched ones. It's all comfortable, it's just jeans and t shirts. I know some one said the SN kids can show opinions, but my son really can't. His communication skills are around 3 months. He won't even look me in the eye let alone express a preference for a type of material or a colour. But I do understand your point.
I'm sad that that makes me shallow, but maybe I am. I guess it's shallow to want something about him to be normal for his actual age.
Me and DH have only rowed over this once. I had been leaving the clothes out just habitually, and he's never said anything about it. But we have been a bit stressed over a few other issues (DH wanting another child, because we didn't get the "sibling" for our daughter that we had planned. I thought that was an awful thing to say) so I think tensions passed over onto the clothes issue last night.

Thank you to the people who have said nice things.

OP, you mustn't feel bad for wanting your DS to look smart. Obviously you have other stuff going on and it makes you feel happy to see DS looking good. It is not harming DS whatsoever.

Before I had kids I never thought I'd care about what they wore, and was never one for cooing over baby clothes, but I find it one of the pleasures of parenthood to see the DC wearing lovely little outfits. I think matching socks to outfits is nice, though it wouldn't bother me if they didn't. DDs are 2 and 4 and not that bothered about what they wear. I'm even going to confess now that they have some matching dresses that I put them in at the same time. They look very cute and they love it!

Op whatever you do for your son, it's clearly done with great love, and that makes you a smashing mum.

I now feel the need to go and order new socks to co-ordinate with all my kids' clothes. Damn those multi-coloured ones that are so attractive til they spoil a refined colour pallette

It's not shallow at all. It's your way of loving and caring for your child. You'll find that many parents of children with SN feel the same. It's something you can do, at a time when there are things you can't (if that makes sense) .

OP, from your first post, it sounds like your DH really is trying to make your DS look nice. It's not that he doesn't care about how your Ds looks, it's just that he has a different view on what looks good. So I think maybe you have to accept that he has the right motives and just has another view on clothes?

Completely understand why you are stressed and could feel quite sensitive about these kind of things though

I do need to loosen the reins a bit when it comes to our son, I know. I'll maybe donate the really dodgy t shirts and then try to let it go a bit

minipie yes you are right about DH's intentions I think. He likes DS to look younger as that's more like how he acts. He said this evening when we spoke (after reading the responses here) that it's easier if people think he's just a really big baby lol

I like to dress my son in quite formal things like tweed trousers with braces, mini brogues, little shirts, velvet blazers etc... he doesn't seem bothered and it suits him. I don't think hes a doll but I am at the moment responsible for how he looks so im going to do my best by my standards of taste aren't I!!!
OP I think you should dress your son however you want until he is able to chose his own clothes, theres absolutely nothing wrong with taking an interest in your sons appearance and finding it fun to choose his style. Whatever you put on him he will look back at photos and be embarrassed by haha my mum used to dress me in some right outfits in the 80s!!!!

Ah sorry I just read your following post OP and seen he has developmental delays? Then even more so I think you are just doing your best for him and its an expression of love caring what he wears. I don't think you are shallow at all!! Obviously you and OH have just got different tastes im sure you both know you both love your son. Perhaps you are just rowing about this because you are both tense about other things? xxx

I'm sure you and your DH are great parents and to be honest if this is noteworthy for one of your squabbles then you are doing brilliantly. Kids are hard work and tiring and I think almost every couple have their moments.
It sounds like your family have a few extra challenges with your lad and it's understandable that you want to have 'control' over some things. It's not unreasonable. However I do think it can be hard for Dads as they 'can' get a little sidelined especially If the Mum does most of the caring.

I hope you and your DH have made up.

I'm sure you both have his best interests at heart in the way you both dress him, but I totally agree with your method.

Dressing age appropriately rather than aiming for his developmental age is what you need to do in the long term. It's important for your son's dignity, particularly as he gets older. It would be better if your DH could get used to it sooner rather than later.

It sounds like you are doing a great job in a difficult situation. Also very gracious despite the mountains of totally unwarranted judgmental posts.

I take back my previous posts in light of your post wrt his comment about wanting another baby because your DD doesn't have the sort of sibling you hoped for and in light of his comment that he feels it's best if DS looks more like a big baby.

I think it would be a good idea for your DH to seek some counselling to help him come to terms with DS's condition.

OP, I completely get where you're coming from. you've explained it really well in your last post, I think trying to minimise any differences because you are conscious that he will struggle with differences that can't be hidden by a bit of ironing or matching socks is really caring. I think the communication thing is probably important to you too. Because you can't communicate with him in the way some of us would take for granted with a 2 year old you are very much communicating your love by making sure he is clearly and visibly well cared for. Does that sound right? I think that's a lovely thing to do.

Maybe talk it over again with DH when you are both a bit calmer and express why it is so important to you as you did in that last post. It will probably get across better than 'You can't be trusted to dress him'.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time on this thread, I think people didn't quite know where you were coming from with this. But I think it's a rather lovely way of expressing your love for him by putting in a lot of effort. (Even though I do tend to prefer creased dinosaurs myself ).