only wanting my son to wear certain styles of clothes?

[SkytecBlue]

DH wants to dress our 2 year old in mismatched/ kiddy printed baby type clothes. Do you know what I mean? Like a bright blue dinosaur covered coat, bright yellow t shirt with Winnie the Pooh on etc etc
I prefer to dress him in outfits that look "cool". And if not cool, at least colour coordinated. And match his socks to his outfit too.
It's not a contentious issue, I can obviously live if he doesn't wear the clothes I like, but DH thinks I'm unreasonable to even CONSIDER thinking of dressing him in a certain style or a particular way?

But then I have also argue with DH over the fact he will happily dress the kids (and himself) in creased clothes.

OP's husband appears to have quite strong feelings about dressing his son in bright mismatching clothes. He also objects to the OP wanting to dress her son in a 'cool' way (her preferred style). That's what the original post was about.

It has morphed into the OP being a control freak who will not let the husband make decisions about the son's clothes and who forces the boy to wear uncomfortable and impractical items totally unsuited to his daily activities (we don't know what these are). For good measure, she is also shallow and treats the child like a doll.

OP has pointed out that she can live with husband's choices, but prefers her own and that her son has a significant developmental delay meaning he doesn't currently communicate a preference about clothes. This info has been largely ignored.

OP I agree with you - my DC don't wear labels or expensive clothes but I try to make sure their clothes don't clash and I iron pretty much everything. If DS is in jeans and a top, I'll coordinate the socks with the top. I don't go as far as coats though as the DC have one thick coat and one rain coat, most of the time it's lucky to find one that I like that fits without finding multiple coats to buy.

I tend to hang outfits on the same hanger in the wardrobe, I started doing this when I went back to work after DS1 and it saves so much time in the morning and when packing a bag for the day. My DH just grabs a hanger of clothes for which ever child he is dressing, we occasionally buy their clothes together and DH is happy with that as a contribution.

On occasions where I haven't got the washing sorted out he's dressed both DC in mismatched clothes and I don't like how it looks. I've never gone as far as changing their outfits so that they look better because I know it doesn't really matter but I don't think it's U to have a preference. My 3yo likes to wear colour coordinated clothes now, he insists that this pants and socks have the same colours on them! But then he'll add the compulsory toddler uniform of wellies, pj top and swimming goggles.

OP has pointed out that she can live with husband's choices, but prefers her own,

Can't see where she said that - and if that's so why she feels the need to lay out clothes for her DH to dress their son in because she can't trust her DH choice, which I can see a post of, rather than not undermine him and let him get on with it.

If it's not a big deal step back and let him get on - if it is find a way forward that leaves them both happy.

timeKeepingOnMars and Bodicea and others the OP posted at 0:33 last night that she has had a row with her DH because she puts her choice of outfit out the night before if her DH will be dressing the DC in the morning because her DH "can't be trusted" to choose an outfit that she thinks is appropriate.

They are both unreasonable for criticising one another, but the OP is actually trying to choose the outfits even on days her DH is dressing the child, she is actively trying to prevent her DH dressing the DC the way he likes.

Those saying the OP is Unreasonable hold that whoever dressed the child should choose - be that parent because the child cannot yet dress themselves and_/ or has no opinion about what they wear, or the child themselves where the child can dress themselves and / or has an opinion.

Given the child has a developmental delay the child doesn't mind, but her DH clearly does - people saying the DH doesn't care have not read all the OP's posts.

Sorry timekeeping I meant MangosteenSoda - cut and pasted the wrong name

keeptrudging that is a very good point, though it the OP's son is at 6 months developmentally it probably hasn't happened just yet, but will in time.

I still think all DC over 2 or so actually have some opinion on their clothes, even if its only about textures and colours, and parents who say they don't have any opinion probably are choosing for their DC with their opinions on texture at least in mind, and don't buy materials/ textures/ colours they know they would have to battle their DC to put or keep on.

Look up justy_olive on Instagram...she could probably take a LOT of this advice on board :-)

I took "can't be trusted" in speech marks to mean that DH thinks that's why OP leaves out the outfits, not that OP is actually saying he can't be trusted. That's how it reads to me.

She stated that she can live with his choices in the opening post.

My son with sn at 9 has no interest in what he wears, beyond wearing as little as possible.

I don't think ybu! I match my one year olds socks to her outfit! I hate mis matched things! I also would let a 2 year old dress them self unless I thought it looked nice. It's not about having a doll, it's a pride thing. I dress my dd in practical things but they must look nice unless we're chilling at home! I don't even let my 12 year old wear mis matched clothes unless it looks good!

Your right MangosteenSoda she does - though not clear why it's an issue if that is so.

I suspect her DH feels undermined by having clothes laid out like he's an idiot and can't mange it so he feels a bit got at then annoyed at whole outfit idea which feels like an attack on him. Or something completely different is happening

A more diplomatic way would be to pre load hangers with outfits for convenience or grit teeth and not care.

Schwabische, you're right, I chose (and still do to a lesser extent), clothes which my DC's would be comfortable wearing/would like. I do tend to buy them in outfits still, so if I go shopping with DD we'll look for coloured jeans, but then I'll encourage her to find a matching top. Unless it's seriously clashing, she's got a pretty free choice. This way, she knows those items go, so she's not stuck trying to decide what to wear (she's at a no-uniform school).

Yanbu if you are dressing you DS, however if dp is dressing him then surly he has a choice too.
I put everything on hangers in outfits to stop the mismatched look but my dc are 9 and 5. When my DS was small I would only buy pale blue so it stopped the hassle of mismatched anything bought in the wrong colour was returned, he's still laid back about what he wears!

Jw maybe if you'd let your 12 yo choose her clothes and dress herself (or his clothes /himself) since toddlerhood he or she would have got the hang of it by now and you wouldn't need to police a 12 year old dressing themselves

keeptrudging my DC are non uniform too (there are no school uniforms where we live) and always choose their own clothes - I wouldn't dream of choosing for them, seems crazily controlling to me... My nearly 11 yo has good taste and an awareness of what others wear, and I wouldn't even buy her clothes without her choosing them. I still buy for my sons because I know I can choose things they will like, but I wouldn't lay my choice their clothes out for them... its not only patronising but also there is just no reason what so ever to make somebody else where your choice of clothing (or to insist your child's other parent defers to your choices for your child if they are dressing a child who cannot yet dress themselves)

I was obsessed with matching socks for all my children. Even now my youngest is 6 I have been known to spend a considerable amount of time sourcing the right socks. When they were pre walking if I didn't have socks to match the top thrn the top didn't get worn. I accept this is somewhat odd

Sorry, haven't read the while thread yet!

But on the whole, i don't think yabu.
I think you're getting a hard time, but that could be from using the word "cool"! Quite rightly so, someone said that children are not accessories. But then again, he is your son and id you would like to dress him a certain way that is up to you and your dh! Perhaps you could take it in turns to dress him? Or dh could do casual occasions and you could do smart occasions?

My 4yo dss (very small though, looks more like 2/3) comes over wearing jogging bottoms and scruffy tshirts. I don't mind this for wearing around the house as they are comfortable, but of we are going out anywhere I change him into jeans or chinos, a vest (because he never comes over in one) and a "smart" top / tshirt and jumper. So he's still comfy, just a bit tidier around the edges iykwim! If we're going to the park, i'm not precious that he can't get things dirty.

I must admit, I do scour ebay for cheap sexond hand ralph lauren and barbour for him!

Dh leaves me to it and my dss loves to help pick what to wear, right down to which underwear he wants! He has a clothes rail and loves to look through it.

So in summary, personally I don't think yabu if you want him to look nice, but possibly a little if you just want him to look "cool"?

Putting out an outfit for your DH to dress your son in is rather U but wanting to dress him in your own style when you are dressing him isn't U really.

I like dressing my DD (5) up "cool" and she likes it too although we both have very different ideas of what "cool" looks like sometimes she accepts my suggestion and sometimes she picks her own.

You sound like my DH - he colour coordinates the socks and everything and the DCs look really well put together. When I dress them using the same collection of clothes they always look mismatched and scruffy

I have been going to a playgroup for about 5 years. One mum there had a child the same age as my eldest and has one a similar age to my second. Both of hers are boys and both have been dressed in dark skinny jeans, dark top, biker boots and a leather jacket every time I've ever seen them! It's very grown up, very try hard and very boring!

Yeah, I like my Ds 2yrs to wear what I want as I love choosing his clothes and making his outfits work. I lay out his clothes for the next day for DH. Not least because if I don't Ds inevitably ends up in his pjs all day.

Not unreasonable at all.

Maybe buy a range of clothes from within a certain shop's scheme so that everything matches with everything else? Then you can mix and match within the same range.

I avoid almost all cartoon character and slogan clothes for my DC. Most stuff is plain with a few patterns and motifs, so it can all go together easily.

I let them choose hideous mismatched outfits if they want (DD does, DS likes it all the same colour), and 'cool' is not important, I just don't want them to be mobile advertising hoardings for Disney, or Marvel, or Hello Kitty, or whoever.

My hubby would let our kids wear all manner of mismatched monstrosities.... I won't let him do that any more than I'd let my toddler dictate what he's going to wear! Hubby is getting better now thankfully. But I just like my kids to look nice. I buy clothes for them that go together - it's nice. We have a giggle when the kids appear in some dodgy random combos but I won't let them go out of the house in it!

DS picks his own outfit then I make changes where appropriate to make sure the colours match, everyone is happy. DH is colour co-ordinated as well so he does the same.