only wanting my son to wear certain styles of clothes?

[SkytecBlue]

DH wants to dress our 2 year old in mismatched/ kiddy printed baby type clothes. Do you know what I mean? Like a bright blue dinosaur covered coat, bright yellow t shirt with Winnie the Pooh on etc etc
I prefer to dress him in outfits that look "cool". And if not cool, at least colour coordinated. And match his socks to his outfit too.
It's not a contentious issue, I can obviously live if he doesn't wear the clothes I like, but DH thinks I'm unreasonable to even CONSIDER thinking of dressing him in a certain style or a particular way?

But then I have also argue with DH over the fact he will happily dress the kids (and himself) in creased clothes.

I understand your post completely.
My little boy is only a couple of months old and I like his outfits to match eg if he has on blue dungarees I find blue shade socks! And I'm sure I'll feel like this when he's a toddler. My partner dresses him once or twice a week and I just generally put the outfit out for him - not had any complaints there luckily!

At the end of the day being a mum is about doing it your way if it makes you happy to see your little one in matching outfits then so be it - one of the things I love a about being a mum is ironing his vests and going awwwww every time I do! Yet everyone else I speak to is like - you iron his vests but no one will see them! Yes I know it's a pointless exercise but it makes me happy

NB although sometimes matching is pointless when they are sick on the shirt or manage to get poo on their socks!

The OP and her DH clearly have to choose their 2 yo's clothes because of his developmental delay, but I am always really surprised that parents of children old enough and able to dress themselves (so children of 3+ if no delays etc. though tbh one of my kids ably dressed herself at 2, I pretty much never fully dressed her after her brother was born when she was 24 months old, just helped with zips and buttons) are choosing their clothes. Why do people do that?

All my kids have opinions on clothing, I can't see why my opinion on what they wear would outrank their own (as long as the clothes are clean and suitable for what they are doing).

Dd is lucky if she gets a pair of socks that match each other! Comfortable, clean, warm and fit properly is my check list.

being a mum is about doing it your way

So what's being a dad about then? Doing as your told?

Your primary concern should be comfort. I'm with your husband here. You sound very very shallow.

My kids have absolutely no opinion on clothes - the 5 year old occasionally tells me if he's decided he doesn't like a certain style (he's decided that he only likes baggy jeans) but day to day, he just couldn't care less.

The two year old is the same - he doesn't like un-stretch fabrics so it's joggers all the way, and he sometimes wanders to the wardrobe and chooses a t-shirt, but generally he just doesn't care.

They're opinionated enough in other areas, probably just take after their dad and me who just grab the next thing off the pile to wear normally.

YANBU to want to dress your child in a style that you like (presuming it's not something uncomfortable). All this hand-wringing about treating a child like a "doll" and it being "unhealthy" and "shallow" is ridiculously overblown and hysterical. You won't get to choose what he wears for long and I fail to see what the problem is with enjoying seeing your child nicely turned out. Dressing a child nicely and having fun running around the park with them are not mutually exclusive.

However YABU to dictate to your husband what to dress him in. Your husband's preference clearly differs and as long as the clothes are practical I'd try to get over it unless you're going to some sort of special occasion.

I think some of you have missed the fact that the op's child has significant development delay and all that that entails.

I don't think it's shallow, I know a lot of people who like dressing their kids. As long as it's not Toddlers n Tiaras, it's harmless IMO. I don't really care about my kids looking cool but I still have favorite items, like I'll think "oh DD looks adorable in this purple top" or whatever.

Schwab none of mine care what they wear yet! Well, DS is 8.5 and would wear his Star Wars top every day if he could, but other than that he never expresses an opinion.

Beth we rarely have matching socks here either! :)

YANBU given the choice I like my DD to look a certain way. I'd try and coordinate and outfit and I simply don't believe that others don't. I see far too many coordinated kids to think that this is unusual.

There's nothing precious about putting pinkish tights with a pinkish dress rather than choosing the red tights.

However, my caveat here is once they get older the days when you can actually do this without them complaining become less and less.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Typed that wron I meant doing what makes you happy - I'm sure if it's that big a deal that your child matching outfits husband will understand, all about compromise. Me and partner have different tastes in style etc I've brought bits that both he and I like (mines more cutesy etc his is more stylish) I dress him alternatively in the styles we both like and im making most of being able to choose the outfits DS wears! I know that it won't last

I cringe when I see a toddler in an obviously matched outfit.

I have a question, because I saw this with my friends when we were teens....
If you are really bothered by your kids wearing matching sets or looking "respectable", what are you going to do when they are older, and your DD suddenly wants to wear nothing but army great coats and massive goth boots? Or your son wants to dye his hair, or get a piercing?
Or your kid suddenly starts wearing weird "clashing" outfits just because they can?

So many of my friends had massive rows with their parents simply for wanting to be a goth/punk/alternative type, it was so unfair on them really, especially when they were older and still being berated by their parents for having dreads/piercings/wearing woollen blankets from Peru!

I think some people were harsh.

I wonder if your concern with how your child is dressed is also so that he doesn't stand out so much, given the developmental delay.
If so, I think it's understandable.

And I wouldn't want mine on clearly creased clothes if ironed or at least uncreased clothes are available.

I also don't think reasonably matched clothes is dressing up as a doll. For the most part, I'd want to look at my child and be pleased with the colours they were wearing. The issue may be that your OH is pleased by garish colours together. You just differ on style. :)

So, I'd insist on non-creased clothes but lay off on colour coordination.

I have a question too. If you're the sort of person that really believes that matching clothes are "shallow" and make you cringe, what are you going to do if your kids grow up and spent ages cultivating a very "done" look complete with elaborate hair, heavy make-up and matchy-matchy accessories?

I think people are being a bit mean. I agree with pp have posters missed this is a 2 year old who is developmentally at 6 months?
And the poster who used the word 'respectable' also has a child with special needs/developmental delay and said she didn't want to be judged as a parent. May be irrational but who are we to judge if we don't face the same issues.
Think people should try to be kinder. You can say YABU without all the doll comments etc

Looking back at the OP, are you saying thatyou think yourhusband dresses yourson too babyish?

If so, talk to him about it?

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a2yr old in a WtP tshirt and/or dinosaur print coat.

Sounds just right to me!

Cheerfulyank one of mine is also an 8.5 year old boy and he definitely cares about what he wears - not in a fashion concious teen type way, nor in a matching outfit type way, but still if I chose him an outfit he'd probably swap it for something else... He has colour preferences and favourite tops and his own internal 8 year old logic on why he needs to wear jogging trousers certain days, jeans certain days, his "work trousers" certain days because of what his plans are for that day ... he also has styles and types of clothes he hates, but of course those just don't get bought.

He isn't overly fussy and will always just take something from the drawer and takes about 30 seconds to get dressed in the morning, but occasionally he will come downstairs in his underwear to get his clean washing from the laundry room because he "needs" jogging trousers or wants to see if a certain top is clean as he hasn't worn it for a few days and was expecting it back!

Is this some kind of reverse snobbery thread? 'Well I would never put my child in anything remotely nice looking! No, no, they should look like they have never seen a hairbrush in their life and like they've just raided, in the dark, the laundry basket of their younger sibling's clothes, then you're a proper parent!'

There is a middle ground between this and Toddlers&Tiaras.

YANBU and neither is your husband. Whoever helps your son get dressed that day gets to decide.

Until quite recently, my daughter didn't much care what she wore, so I got to decide. This meant she looked a particular way, and it involved nothing mismatched (but nothing fussy either and always appropriate, of course) because why would I deliberately choose something I didn't like? Perk of being a parent.

She chooses her own things now, and she doesn't make the choices that I would but she still looks co-ordinated, unfussy and appropriate. These are not bad things to be, and they are helpful in life so good to learn, just like any other life skill.

Of course you are also limited by the clothes that they have, so does someone buy clothes that you don'tlike, Op?

I don't think you're being that unreasonable, actually. If there are clothes available that co-ordinate and clothes available that do not, it's no additional effort to put the co-ordinating ones on, surely?!

Sure, it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but you don't suddenly become a better, more relaxed parent if you select the non-matching ones.

Ds couldn't have cared less what he wore when he was 2yo and still doesn't most days and would have happily just worn whatever we picked out for him. He had no desire to choose. As a result he was usually dressed beautifully (thankfully dh and I have similar tastes). Just wait until he reaches the superhero phase though op. I swore blind I'd never let ds leave the house in a superhero outfit. Last Friday he wore a minion onesie to the pub. The time before that it was Ironman. Before that, Spiderman. Enjoy having so much say on your ds's clothes now OP - it all goes horribly downhill from 4!

ToElle I wouldn't have a problem if DS suddenly started wearing business suits and constantly grooming, or if he wanted to walk around looking like a caveman! (although I would prefer it if he felt he didn't have to "conform" to some of the more unhealthy imo social expectations of grooming)
That's the thing, it's up to him entirely.
Even at 3 I encourage him to pick his own clothes, he's got years of being stuck in uniforms and "appropiate" clothing depending on what he does with his life (I don't mean weather appropiate btw!) I think it's good to be able to wear what you like.
At the moment he is obsessed with Andy's Dinosaur adventure, I found him a battered hat like Andy's, he wears it everywhere, along with an ancient snowsuit that "looks like a race drivers suit Mummy".
It's definitely a "look", it in no way matches or looks anything other than a bit silly, but it makes him happy, so who cares?!

Fucks sake people, who cares? Why the need to name call?

As far as I'm concerned, if you made a human, pushed it out of yourself, fed it and cleaned it and got woken up a million times and and did all the fucking shitwork that comes with a baby, the very least you can have is the amusement of dressing them up how you like, if that is what floats your particular boat.
Doesn't make the woman shallow, ffs!