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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

only wanting my son to wear certain styles of clothes?

246 replies

SkytecBlue · 23/02/2016 00:06

DH wants to dress our 2 year old in mismatched/ kiddy printed baby type clothes. Do you know what I mean? Like a bright blue dinosaur covered coat, bright yellow t shirt with Winnie the Pooh on etc etc
I prefer to dress him in outfits that look "cool". And if not cool, at least colour coordinated. And match his socks to his outfit too.
It's not a contentious issue, I can obviously live if he doesn't wear the clothes I like, but DH thinks I'm unreasonable to even CONSIDER thinking of dressing him in a certain style or a particular way?

But then I have also argue with DH over the fact he will happily dress the kids (and himself) in creased clothes.

OP posts:

MsJamieFraser · 23/02/2016 08:08

my children get dressed the way I like them to be dressed, and they also have matching socks if thats what you want to call it, if they wear blue trousers they wear blue socks, I cannot abide men wearing dark trousers with white socks.

My kids dress are dressed in clean and clothes that we like, mostly I like, as they both care not a jot what they wear, ds prefers his football shirts and tracksuits, which tbh he mostly lives in, due to his lifestyle, however ds2 cannot get away with wearing this style of clothing as he simply does not suit them.

The doll comments are just crass and rude.

I dont think YABU its just personal style.

GreatFuckability · 23/02/2016 08:09

I think the only time I cared about what my kids wore was when I was in
Hospital having just had ds and my then oh brought 18 month old dd in wear blue shoes, a red checked dress with an orange tshirt under it and green tights. With hair that had not seen a brush. I was in shock after a premature, fast delivery and burst into tears I was u. Highly so.

Jux · 23/02/2016 08:10

I once bumped into my boss when I was out with dd. Boss took one look at dd and said "Tut, Jux, never flowers with stripes."

NB I never did it again

FusionChefGeoff · 23/02/2016 08:11

YANBU - nothing wrong with wanting an outfit to match - I do it with my own clothes, why on earth wouldn't I want to do it for my children?

However, if DH dresses them, I just accept that his way is different and shrug my shoulders that day.

And as for the 3.5 year old - PAH!! No chance of me having any say in what he looks like - it's a big enough fight to at least make sure what he chooses fits / is weather appropriate so I definitely CBA to worry about it clashing

Needthesunshine · 23/02/2016 08:11

Think the word you are looking for is kempt- meaning clean, tidy and well cared for.

myname2016 · 23/02/2016 08:13

It is personal style. A lot of the horrified comments are from parents who wouldn't put their daughters in bright pink from head to foot or gel their sons hair or put them in character clothes.

I wouldn't either but that's my choice. I won't pretend I never give a thought to how mine look; I do.

Canshopwillshop · 23/02/2016 08:16

Greatfuckability - same happened when I had my DS and DH let my 2 year old DD dress herself before coming in to the hospital. She had her scruffiest play clothes on, nothing coordinated whatsoever and her hair had not seen a brush - she looked like a little street urchin

Scoopmuckdizzy · 23/02/2016 08:19

I love it when DH dresses the DC - more often than not they look OK but there have been occasions where I've had to laugh. He is a fan of stripey tights as outerwear and dressing DS1 in clothes that he's long outgrown and passed down to DS2. It's only a day out of many though so it's not a huge deal.

fresta · 23/02/2016 08:22

I f you have a child who doesn't have their own opinion on what they wear then I don't see anything wrong with dressing them in what you want them to wear. Seeing as your DH doesn't have an opinion either then YANBU.

I used to love dressing my dd when she was little, she wore what I wanted her to, as long as it was comfy she didn't care. Even though she is 10 now I still enjoy helping her pick out outfits and buying her nice things which we both think look good.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/02/2016 08:24

YANBU at all. What's wrong with dressing childen nicely, and not just in the first things that fall out of the wardrobe in the dark? I don't see OP mentioning that her DS is constantly in fancy suits and party-shoes unsuitable for playing.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 23/02/2016 08:24

pictish I think her DH is very fussed, as the OP said at 0:33 that "This post stemmed from a mini row about me leaving outfits out for the next day... Because DH "can't be trusted" to do it himself."

It is perfectly reasonable to dress a child who has no opinion on clothes yet in beautiful co-ordinating outfits (as long as you don't get worked up when they get mucky or stop them doing things like feeding themselves, finger painting, playing in the sand/ grass/ mud because the pristine outfit is so important) .

It is unreasonable to fixate so much on the perfect outfit that you are having rows with your DH because you want to dictate what he dresses the child in on days when he is the one dressing the child.

Sunshine87 · 23/02/2016 08:25

I get you OP, my DH wouldn't know what matches and want doesn't I have a two year DD I pick her clothes and take pride in how she dressed she can point to one or two outfits but at that age they aren't going to have a massive input. I prefer she looked smart. DH would dress her is miss matched PJs which would drive me crazy. I love seeing well dressed children and i think it reflects well on the parents. The kids have better clothes than me. It doesn't make them a doll like others suggested. Its not as if your fake tanning etc. We all have preferences.

Oysterbabe · 23/02/2016 08:25

My husband dresses our DD how he wants when he dresses her and I do likewise. He's quite particular and likes her dressed a certain way. He also doesn't like putting her in the hand me downs we got from my brother. I'm quite happy with the hand me downs or anything that's clean and fits really.
So I'm on your DH's side.

MyFriendGoo52 · 23/02/2016 08:34

Yabu.

But I fondly recall the day dp and dd came to collect baby ds and I from the hospital.....boiling hot day in May shevwas wearing a green mac, a brown, wooly jumper with hedgehogs on, (( too big and paint stained of course )) red and black striped tights with pedal pushers over the top and wellies. Hair like an explosion in a mattress factory (( curly ))

Almost 15 years on it still makes me

StarlingMurmuration · 23/02/2016 08:37

I do try to coordinate what DS (15 months) wears, but I also like bright coloured stuff too (he actually has a bright blue coat covered in dinosaurs and I think he looks totally cute in it). I have to admit, I try to match his socks to the rest of his outfit, and make sure his underlayer doesn't clash with his top layer. It doesn't take any longer to dress him in the morning, and at this age, it's not like he cares either way, as long as he's comfortable and warm. When DP dresses him, it is more a case of whatever comes out of the drawer first, but I don't let it bother me.

I have a grey wool duffle coat, and DS was bought a similar coat for Christmas by a relative. It's his warmest coat so he's wearing it a lot at the moment - I do feel a little embarrassed when we match!

Charley50 · 23/02/2016 08:40

Yanbu OP and good for you ignoring the snobby 'like a doll' comments.

peggyundercrackers · 23/02/2016 08:43

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't go out in mismatched clothes so why would I dress my children like that? I don't worry so much about clothes being ironed but then I'm not big on ironing things - a friend irons everything including socks and pants - I don't care if pants have creases in them...

waterrat · 23/02/2016 08:44

this thread is an eye opener. socks to match outfit?! I genuniely feel a thrill of achievement if the socks match each other.

Floggingmolly · 23/02/2016 08:46

Nothing more depressing than a styled, "cool" (yeah, right!) toddler.

Solasum · 23/02/2016 08:47

I understand what you mean OP. We have 2 sets of GPs who buy DS a lot of clothes, which he wears because he has them, but they are not what I would have chosen myself. It is very kind of them, but I really like it when I can put him in an outfit I have chosen myself, which doesn't happen often.

NattyTile · 23/02/2016 08:49

Rather than setting out specific outfits the night before, how about changing how you store things? If you have space (and inclination!) you could hang or fold outfits as ensembles rather than having tshirts here, trousers there. So in the morning you just grab a clothing pack, and everything is there from socks to jumper.

I do this for my children when we go on holiday (folded in a plastic bag with their name on it), and for school uniform days (hanger with trousers, shirt, jumper, undies in one pocket and socks in the other).

I don't bother for weekends and school hols, because I don't really care what they choose to wear then. But it sounds like it does bother you; I wonder if it would work? At the very least it makes it easier to find a coordinating outfit than not, and nothing stopping your DH from doing a mix and match still if he needs to.

Bogeyface · 23/02/2016 08:50

On my way out but....

old friend used to do this, even to the point where she styled her toddlers hair every day with gel and a hair dryer. I kid you not.

He rebelled in no small way and is now a grunger, she is horrified and he is happy as Larry.

"Cool"? Oh dear.....

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/02/2016 08:51

Oh, I just let out a chuckle to myself remembering a day my brother babysat and returned dd wearing tights as leggings. As a one off it was amusing and I was grateful for the sitter. If someone had dressed my dd like that regularly I would have taken to laying out outfits too.

Some people just can't see what looks good or not, and I still buy said brother's clothes in an attempt to help him look well kempt.

Yanbu

Xmasbaby11 · 23/02/2016 08:51

YANBU. I think it's natural for you to want your DC to look nice and obviously at that age that means dressed in a style you like. There is plenty of time for your DS to choose his own clothes in future.

DDs are 2 and 4 and I enjoy seeing them dressed nicely. They like to wear a blouse/top and skirt with pretty tights and they both have the same winter boots. They both have a few character tops but DH and I are not keen on Disney ethically, so not many. The outfits are practical and they can run around easily, and I don't care if they get muddy. FWIW we buy mostly second hand clothes so far, and hand me downs, but I do choose carefully.

When DH or my parents dress the DDs I have to turn a blind eye. They've been sent to nursery in their pyjamas before!

GreenTomatoJam · 23/02/2016 08:55

TBH I'd only put that much effort in for special occasions, although I do have favourite outfits

The only trouble I have with how DP dresses them is when he forces the 5 year old into the 2 year old's clothes, not noticing that the t-shirt is tiny on him or the two year old comes down in his brothers clothes with enormous turnups, tugging on his waist band to keep them up.

I generally prefer them to just be comfortable and unstained (day to day I don't worry about creases)

So, YANBU, but, YABU to expect someone else dressing your child to feel the same way.

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