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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding seating - awkward situation

238 replies

carefreeeee · 22/02/2016 11:06

My partner's sister is getting married in 2 weeks. My partner and I have been together for about a year and I have met the sister and her partner about 4 times, and got on well. I know the parents as well and they come to tea at our house and we go to theirs etc, no problems.

I have just found out that at the wedding breakfast, my partner will be seated at the top table along with the bride, groom, their parents, 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men. However apparently there is no space for me and I will be seated with some friends of the bride whom I have never met.

I think this is a bit off because a) it makes it clear that they don't consider me a member of their family and b) I don't think it is very nice to sit a guest away from everyone they know.

Obviously it is up to them how they arrange things, but as far as I was aware if you are invited to a wedding as a couple you would normally be seated togther, and I don't think it's that traditional to have the bride's brother at the top table anyway so I don't really see the need for this...he doesn't have any other role in the wedding/isn't doing a speech or anything.

I don't want to make a fuss and tell them how to do their seating plan etc. But at the same time I don't really want to go under those circumstances - I think it would be awkward and embarrassing, and the only reason I would go is to be with my partner - I don't know the sister all that well.

The wedding is being held close to where we live so it would be easy enough for me not to go...

WIBU to cancel last minute due to a family emergency/ or would it be better to cancel now and explain why...although I don't want to fall out with anyone as they are basically nice people? Help!

OP posts:

Original poster

carefreeeee · 22/02/2016 21:09

Thanks for all the advice. I have it a bit more in perspective now. Some of the advice people have given has been really kindly meant and has helped so thanks.

I suppose I just felt it was quite rude and wondered what other guests would think. My own brother got married a couple of months ago and there would have been no question of DP being left with a load of people he'd never met whilst the rest of the family had a cosy dinner together. It would be considered extremely rude by my family.

I still think it is a bit thoughtless but I can see that many people seem to think that this kind of thing would be normal and definitely not worth making a fuss about. I shall go along and enjoy it. DP is not keen on going full stop and doesn't want to sit at the top table either!

OP posts:

ALemonyPea · 22/02/2016 21:11

Well done for taking it on the chin, Op.

Go to the wedding, enjoy yourself and make new friends and get your vengeance at your own wedding should you marry your partner

BackforGood · 22/02/2016 21:15

Good to see a happy ending

I join with the others who think this is pretty common / usual / not an issue at all at a wedding. It's often a nice opportunity to get to know some other people.

TheMrsD · 22/02/2016 21:17

Yay, good for you!Weddings are shit wherever you sit.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2016 21:18

Hope it all goes well.

user7755 · 22/02/2016 21:23

Really? You are seriously thinking about not going because you aren't sat at the top table having known the family for a year and met the bride four times?

You really won't come out of this looking reasonable if you make a fuss about this.

user7755 · 22/02/2016 21:26

Sorry, note to self - don't start a post go iff to make packed lunch and then come back and press send without updating yourself on the thread!

WickedWax · 22/02/2016 21:35

OP I don't think you've quite got the hang of AIBU.

You're supposed to come back, thank only the posters who agree with you, do a massive drip feed, and then proceed to explain why you still think you're right and everyone else is wrong .

Well done for taking it on the chin . Hope you enjoy it.

Fluffy24 · 22/02/2016 21:36

wicked

DrSeussRevived · 22/02/2016 21:36

I gyess the bride would have her DB as a bridesmaid if she could, so that's why he's on top table.

Well done for coming back!

WonderingAspie · 22/02/2016 21:42

That's not how it works OP! You are being so reasonable.

Well done though for actually taking the advice! Doesn't happen often here.

Hope you manage to have a fab time.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/02/2016 21:58

Thanks for coming back and updating Carefreeee, a lot of people might not have taken this thread as well as you have done. Hope you have a lovely day at the wedding.

Original poster

carefreeeee · 22/02/2016 22:05

Lol and by the way I don't have any social issues (but, I don't really like weddings, if that is considered a social issue on here :)

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/02/2016 22:09

I think not liking weddings is quite normal on here to be honest from the smount of threads that get started moaning about them.

StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard · 22/02/2016 22:10

Good on you taking this in the spirit it is meant and coming to the right conclusion.

It is like a breath of fresh air on AIBU

Choughed · 22/02/2016 22:11

The family aren't having a "cosy dinner" while leaving everyone out, they're just at a different table . You seem determined to be insulted.

Kanga59 · 22/02/2016 22:13

yabvvu. its her day and it's not at all about you. I'm sure the seating plan has been milled over and thought through several times and this is how it is. stop complaining about a non issue

Pooka · 22/02/2016 22:15

Dh has been best man at 2 weddings - each time he was on the top table and I wasn't. No big deal.

Pooka · 22/02/2016 22:16

Sorry - missed your update. Good for you (I'm not keen on weddings either).

Gutterflower · 22/02/2016 22:31

I think YABU. I didn't have my father in law on my top table because he had a sulk as I didn't want his wife (DH stepmum) on there. Nothing personal but my husbands parents are divorced and both have new partners so my top table would have been so long. He sulked because of it and decided he couldn't sit there without her and sat on a table with her. Personally I don't see why he couldn't have coped with being a couple of feet away from her for an hour or 2. You'll be in the same room and surely half the fun of weddings is talking to people you've never met before??

KP86 · 22/02/2016 22:32

At my wedding my sister was in the wedding party but her BF wasn't, so he was at another table while she was at the bridal table with us.

Yeah, sure, it wasn't the best night for him, but the wedding wasn't about him!!!

EllenJanethickerknickers · 22/02/2016 23:52

When my (now ex)H was best man to his brother he was seated on the top table, but I wasn't. I was a bridesmaid however, just not chief bridesmaid. For some reason I was seated with the groom's old school friends, that I didn't know at all, rather than with any of the many mutual friends we had. I was a bit, and but sucked it up. The old school friends turned out to be brilliant company!

Well done, OP. Have fun at the wedding, it's only a couple of hours.

mouldycheesefan · 23/02/2016 06:22

The top table at a wedding is by no means a cosy family dinner!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 06:35

Glad you've reconsidered, OP - and now that you've said that about your DP, perhaps he should have a word with his sister and tell her that he would rather sit with you than on the top table? nothing to do with you, but for his own sake.

If it's all set in stone, then so be it - but if he doesn't want to be up on the "show" table, then, if I were him, I would say something. For his own sake, as I said, nothing to do with you.

StrumpersPlunkett · 23/02/2016 06:40

"This is quite a normal seating arrangement. I wouldn't kick off if I were you or else you'll look like a diva. Just suck it up."

This

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