Wedding seating - awkward situation

[carefreeeee]

My partner's sister is getting married in 2 weeks. My partner and I have been together for about a year and I have met the sister and her partner about 4 times, and got on well. I know the parents as well and they come to tea at our house and we go to theirs etc, no problems.

I have just found out that at the wedding breakfast, my partner will be seated at the top table along with the bride, groom, their parents, 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men. However apparently there is no space for me and I will be seated with some friends of the bride whom I have never met.

I think this is a bit off because a) it makes it clear that they don't consider me a member of their family and b) I don't think it is very nice to sit a guest away from everyone they know.

Obviously it is up to them how they arrange things, but as far as I was aware if you are invited to a wedding as a couple you would normally be seated togther, and I don't think it's that traditional to have the bride's brother at the top table anyway so I don't really see the need for this...he doesn't have any other role in the wedding/isn't doing a speech or anything.

I don't want to make a fuss and tell them how to do their seating plan etc. But at the same time I don't really want to go under those circumstances - I think it would be awkward and embarrassing, and the only reason I would go is to be with my partner - I don't know the sister all that well.

The wedding is being held close to where we live so it would be easy enough for me not to go...

WIBU to cancel last minute due to a family emergency/ or would it be better to cancel now and explain why...although I don't want to fall out with anyone as they are basically nice people? Help!

Have not rtft, but I think YABU. I think it's normal to have close family at the top table, and after 1 year you haven't reached that point yet. You'll just have to chat nicely to the person you're sitting next to for an hour or two - not the end of the world. Pulling out now would be very rude.

I have been in the Bride's position.

I originally had my sis-in law on top table as she was a bridesmaid. Her partner was placed on a guest table. She asked to be seated with him as the only people he knew at the wedding were all on the top table. As I hadn't printed table plan yet, I swapped her and put my other bridesmaid on top table. This bridesmaid's partner said he was ok to sit on guest table without her, even though he also didn't really know anyone else!

I think you should ask your boyfriend to request to sit with you as he is not a best man and doesn't have to be on top table. It will sound better than you asking him to come to you, if that makes sense. In theory it should be easy as she doesn't need to swap or loose a main person. The brother can still be in formal photos. The bride will want everyone to be happy and have a nice day.

Maybe the bride would quite like her brother with her on her wedding day?

On my wedding day. The groom had his brother as best man and sister as bridesmaid. My brother felt left out being only sibling not in a special role or wearing special outfit. So I gave him the role of usher. I didn't really need one as I had a toastmaster all day and I had to hire an extra matching suit. It was the right decision as my brother was overjoyed by being an usher and being 'included'. I was really glad I made him an usher. I didn't have him on top table, but would have if he had asked me. He sat with people he knew and I invited his 3 best friends to my wedding, so he would have more fun. He didn't have a partner at the time.

Doing seating plans to make everyone happy is not as easy as it looks!

What I am saying is, maybe she has a close, special relationship with her brother and wants him there on the top table. It is her day after all.

YABU. In a year, you've only met her 4 times, that's not enough for most people to consider you family.

A wedding meal is a few hours and you can easily get up in between courses, during the speeches you will be too busy listening to notice and then everyone shuffles around for the evening, anyway.

Asking for DP to be moved is an option, but it may also cause stress for someone who is already probably very stressed. Seating plans are harrrrrd!! Trying to not overcrowd tables and do what you want and filling odd seats, without upsetting people, is not easy.

Making up an excuse last minute is really unfair. They will already have had to pay for your meal and that's not cheap.

Is it really worth the hassle for a couple of hours sitting and eating? You talk and eat with new people at so many different stages in your life (new school, college, uni, new job), and I'm sure you cope perfectly well without DP there

Hagrid Good point about cost of meal. I had a few people pull out near wedding date and had already paid. If some one is ill, fair enough. But one of my guests pulled out days before, because she had just bought 2 kittens and couldn't leave them at home alone all day. Arrgghh!

Haven't RTFT but I fear YABU. It's just for the meal; have a chat to SIL's friends, they might well be lovely.

I sat at the opposite end of the room to DH when he was best man to an old school friend of his: I was seated with a slightly random collection of people I'd never seen before, and it wasn't too bad. Stock, slightly boring questions keep things going and might well turn into something more interesting: "How do you know Clark and Lois?" "I know, isn't Lois' dress amazing - had you seen it before?" "Have you always worked on oil rigs?" "Wow - I'd no idea you could keep a miniature panda in Surbiton - what are they like as pets?" Etc.

OTOH, I was once booted off the top table at a friend's wedding (I was bridesmaid) by the best man's very recent girlfriend 'because and I can't bear to be apart, even for a moment - and I don't want to sit with THOSE people!'. It was unnecessary drama, embarrassing for newly married friends and even more embarrassing when I had to explain to the people I ended up sitting with why the girl they'd just said hello to had run off in a huff. Seating plans are a horror.

you'll have a better chance of enjoying yourself at the wedding and getting along with your dp's family and friends now and in the future if you stop taking the seating arrangements as a personal slur.

They are not sitting you with a load of people, they very likely have through carefully about their seating plan and are sitting you with their friends that are probably in your own age group, they are not having a cosy dinner together and purposely excluding you. Their seating arrangements are not rude or thoughtless, they are perfectly acceptable.

Just get over it!

Let the couple enjoy their wedding without adding an extra unnecessary worry! It will just be a boring meal wherever you will be sitting.

I will attend my step's son's wedding this coming summer and, despite the fact that my husband and I have been married for more than 10 years and have children, he will be sitting at the top table whereas I will be sitting somewhere else with people I don't know. It is not a big deal!

Go and enjoy the day!

Yes you are being v unreasonable. Table plans are a nightmare without a diva kicking off. You'll be at the table 2 hours max. The meal has prob been paid for. A year of dating wouldn't normally make you close family. Make a big stink now over something that really doesn't matter and you probably never will be. If the people you are sat with are awe ful just visit the loo lots. Most of the time you are sat there will be taken up by eating and speeches.

You've been put on a table with her best friends. You've not been put out in the lobby or on a table with folk from work that she feels obligated to invite. Poor girl has probably agonised over it, worrying that she's offending you.

Hoick your britches up woman and get over it. It's her wedding, it's not about you.

RTFT!

I shall go along and enjoy it.

Alright everyone, the op has realised they are being unreasonable way back.