Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

Gosh, it sounds like this

www.amazon.co.uk/Have-The-Men-Had-Enough/dp/0099455641

For most of my childhood it was just me and my mum at home,but once a week my uncle would visit and she'd always give him the best bit / the most and give herself the scraps as it were, which would annoy me but I wouldn't say anything.

Now I find myself giving DP slightly more, and the best bits (if there are any) but not because I think he's better than me. More as he has a physical job and needs more calories, and the better (non-burnt) bits because if there are any burnt bits it's my fault for not keeping a better eye on it and I really want him to enjoy the meal. (Though he doesn't mind, and if he serves up he'll give himself those bits. It's more consideration for the other than feeling they're superior).

He usually carves the roast as I tend to end up hacking at it, plus I usually have ten other things to do at that point and don't have enough hands. He'd rather not carve, but having once made him take responsibility for the rest of it instead he's realised he gets the easier job! He always gives me the breastmeat and gives himself a leg and wing. I'm sure he'd prefer the breast, which is why he insists I get it. He could have the other one but will save it so I can have it for saandwiches.

If we have guests we'll serve them (generally the women first), then us, whoever is serving getting theirs last. He then does the washing up!

To the people who are asking if my DP OS like this in other parts of the relationship - he kind of is actually. Anything he finds too boring or tedious to do (peeling veg, washing up, calling the landlord etc) he tries to palm off on me! Or come up with some flimsy excuse as to why I should do it.

I do always point out that he's not the only person that n the world that finds these things boring. He's not special and that I'm not there to do the things that he feels are below him. He knows what a knob he's being when I call him on this shit. Doesn't stopnhim trying it on though! (He's not.just like this with me - he does it to his male friends as well, trying to fob off boring Jobs on them / trying to get them to bring him cups of tea. He's just a bloody chancer. He has always been the sort where you give an inch, he takes 14 frickin acres and I knew this when we got together.

These days i just bargain with him. 'You want to peel the spuds?/great. That means you're free to deal with the massive poo the Baby has just done, also can you nip to the shop.and get some milk?'

There are still some equality issues to work on in our relationship and I do find it tiring to be constantly fighting for something that should just be natural /given.

I'm willing to battle through this because he's great in so many ways (not that I would EVER say that to his face - his ego does not need anyore boosting).

I wouldn't have time for that kind of fucktrumpet behaviour.

I just serve it up, we all get an equal share.

Next time just give him the giblets.

We always fought over the leg! Much taster meat - but 3 kids and 2 legs don't go!

DH also palms things off - so yes I bargain too - however be warned - the kids pick up on this and it's very annoying when they do it too!!

I'd like more chicken but DH thinks I don't like it.

Gobbo that's made me kind of sad. Do please serve yourself and the children first - the amount you'd actually like - and let him have a go at what's left. You don't need to have a conversation about it unless he brings it up, at which point surely a raised eyebrow and a head tilt will be extremely expressive.

I don't mind being served less than DH because our calorie needs are about 2:3. But I would certainly object to being served a lesser kind of food.

DH's family are a bit tight with food - at a recent wake I arrived about twenty minutes in after fetching the toddler who hadn't been at the crem and there was nothing left, but FIL was congratulating himself on having ordered exactly the right amount. I'd always want plenty of leftovers when feeding guests, to be sure everyone had had enough of precisely what they wanted, and hadn't felt obliged to hold back - we have a big chest freezer and happily eat leftovers so it doesn't end up as waste.

I agree with all pps that serving small children first is just good sense. I'd give them dark meat probably as it tends to be softer, and they need the fat. I'd expect adults to want a mixture of light and dark.

The best bits (sticky end of the ham, lumpy bit of the lamb, chicken oyster, etc) are definitely chef's perks and don't make it out of the kitchen

With the men working theory, someone up thread mentioned about women in the past always being pregnant or breastfeeding - never mind on top of that they had to run around after the children all day and keep a tidy home without all of the mod cons we have now! Women most likely worked many more hours than their husbands. All for no pay and probably little thanks. And they were expected to look perfect at all times while doing it.

Thank goodness times have (mostly) changed.

I totally agree about chicken oysters Mrs Hathaway. One day my family might realise they exist.

Most of the posters reporting men getting the better cuts of meat are talking about an ExH or ExBF. Take note if you are a greedy misogynist who thinks men come first. She might just cook and eat that chicken without you soon .

Mrshathaway, my MIL always prides herself on cooking exactly the right amount and there being no leftovers. Generally I am hungry at my MIL's house.

I also think if there are no leftovers then it's likely someone hasn't had enough and is too polite to say. Leftovers never go to waste in this house in fact so not like it would be wasteful. Plus leftovers mean no cooking there next day!

The best "exact amount" cooking I've ever seen was a dinner with 8 burgers for 12 people. Cue several people claiming not to be hungry, so leftover burgers. Hostess was pleased and said she should have made even fewer.

I get about 1/3 of a chicken breast and top up with roasties. I'd like more chicken but DH thinks I don't like it

So why are you being so passive and what are you going to do about it?

And as for the OP saying He's just a bloody chancer. Well you're enabling this behaviour and chancer in my book basically means dickhead.

Why do some women see any of this shit as OK?

Yes that happens in my house. The men gets the best meat. Maybe it's the cavemen and women in us

Yeah, my mum did this in the 80s – not any expectation from my dad, but it was what she'd learned from my grab – but happily the family outgrew it.

Agree with chipped - these men sound awful. Why would you put up with someone like that? What possible redeeming features can someone have that make up for them being greedy, lazy and selfish?

We serve guests before live-in family, women before men and beyond that in age order, eldest first. Which I guess is still sexist and ageist albeit in a more subtlety nuanced way (my youngest ds is certainly peeved that he always gets served last ). But I tend to to joints so all meat is 'best'.

My mum and MiL always serve the children first (even though they are not very little any more) and in any situation where there isn't enough (pretty much unknown) both families give kids enough and everyone else makes do. This harks back to WW2.

There really are still women who not only see it as their duty to cook for everyone, but then stand back while the best food is dished out, and meekly accept whatever's left? I'm stunned...

We are four and all four of us like chicken legs and are not overly fond of chicken breast. We split the legs into thighs and drumsticks, the breasts in halves so each gets both.

I also think if there are no leftovers then it's likely someone hasn't had enough and is too polite to say.

Precisely, Trixy.

If there's one potato (etc) leftover, the same applies. Especially if they might reasonably have expected a filling pudding and you just get out a box of Thorntons.

OP does he have a diamond encrusted cock? There always seems to be some reason why we should overlook how utterly selfish these arseholes are, it's usually what a fantastic father he is but maybe it's the diamond dick?

Easily solved Paxillin just buy four chicken legs. I am now tittering over the diamond encrusted cock and imagining serving him coq au shiny cake sprinkles and edible glitter. Actually I think I'd serve it to his mother "sparkly cock for a silly tosser".

namelessposter, my PiL used to start immediately before anyone else was sat/served. We solved the problem by not laying cutlery until everyone was sat down. Last person to sit brought the cutlery.

PiL were lovely people, this was their only blindspot. Not laying the cutlery solved the problem without calling them on it IYSWIM.

Reminds me of lions. Lionesses go do the shopping & cook hunt the gazelle, bring it back, lions get "the lion's share" for sitting around doing nothing. What happened to cook's privilege/children go first?

ExPIL used to do something similar, in that exFil used to be called to carve the meat. It used to really piss me off. Mil who had done all the food prep and cooking would then call Fil and he would sit at the table about 30 mins before dinner was going to be served (they always served their meat cold room temperature) and would hack away at a very small chicken or half leg of lamb for 7-8 adults and would be shoving every other slice/chunk in his gob. Mil would then plate up and we all would get 1 piece of meat about 3 small mouthfuls big and be starving (mil would have also put some of it away for dinner the next day ).

When they came to our house i would do a whole large leg of lamb for 5-6 of us and he would be hopping from foot to foot behind me as i carved it saying 'i can do that you know, i don't mind' and i would repeatedly say no, then the would slink off and tell exMil who would come in and say 'Fil is happy to do the carving if you want...' and i would say no. They would be speechless and quite horrified that i wasn't letting Fil sit there shovelling meat into his gob and licking his fingers and then touching the rest of the meat. They even had a word with exH. And he just looked blankly and said 'why should dad do it?' Of course they weren't going to say because he wants to eat it all, so they would answer because he is a man and exH and i would just laugh and say how ridiculous.

Quite shocking, OP!

I think priority is:
Babies/Toddlers
Children
Teenagers
Lactating mothers
Women
Elderly men
Men aged 18-65 in the very last priority group. Everyone else comes before them.