Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

[paxillin]

Men need more calories, by a quarter. So they get an extra potato, an extra slice of bread, a spoonful more butter, an extra spoon of baked beans, and if there is enough meat, their slice can be bigger by the size of a matchbox.

What often happens is the same of everything, double the meat. Turn it around and say since women can't eat as much you'll not have any rice and the same portion of meat as the men.

[Bogeyface]

Just remembered another one, got married on a very hot day and I was pegging out for a cold drink so when dad offered me a drink I asked for a pint of lager. His face! I could have half. Even 2 halves. But a pint? In a pint glass?! I got my pint but you could tell that it struck at the very core of his being :o

[Bogeyface]

Just realised that my dad does something similar with drinks.

Men get offered his very expensive port, women get offered cheap sherry. Men get offered beer, women get offered wine. H and I like both, but he simply cannot compute the concept of a man with a glass of wine and a woman with a beer! Oh and again, its premium beer and cheap wine.....

I may have to have a word with him....

[SanityClause]

Yes, I know, ThumbWitch. It was somehow just so funny, that this was something sacred for my father, The Man, and then when another man was allowed to join in the sacred ritual, they really didn't appreciate it. (I love a drop of Armagnac after dinner. I would have appreciated it, but I am Not A Man, and therefore unworthy of it.)

[anklebitersmum]

wasn't the chicken cold?? What with hanging about from the 1930s and all?

Wouldn't happen in our house, not only do we subscribe to the children, guests, hosts order but due to four (sometimes five) biters we now have two chickens neither of which have oysters, honest guv

Roast potatoes (in fact all the vegetables) are always done in outrageous numbers in order to avoid a repeat of the 'great potato heist' at DM's where she nicked one off Dad's plate to give to BiL due to a particularly harsh but not uncommon roastie shortage.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

TBF, Sanity, I'd be a bit at sticking coke into a fine Armagnac as well! (sacrilege, really, innit)

Allalone - your mum is a genius!

Tinkly - neither of my DSs would recognise one either, because I almost never use it - but if they did see it and ask what it was for, the answer would be "it's what Daddy uses to iron his work shirts"

[SanityClause]

When I was younger, when we had a special meal, with all the family, my father would round it off with a glass of fine brandy, like Armagnac. He would have a bottle for the purpose that would probably last years, as it was only him drinking it, no more than once a month, if that.

Women were never offered any.

When my BIL started to be part of these family events, he was offered brandy, as he was A Man. He only liked it with Coke. My father's face on finding he had to serve his fine Armagnac with Coke!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I'm still rather proud of the moment DD wandered over to me at playgroup clutching the toy iron and asked "What is this Mummy?"

[Allalonenow]

for you AdoraBell

This thread has been an eyeopener for me, I didn't think this attitude still existed, and as a pp mentioned, I think it is all about power.

[AdoraBell]

I think I love your DM allalonenow

to DM

[BeaufortBelle]

Reminds me. My mother bought dd a toy iron a d ironing board and showed off when I asked why she hadn't got one for ds!!!!!!

[Allalonenow]

I think my Mother, born in 1911, was probably brought up to believe this about men getting the "best" cuts.
But she got around it by cooking fillet steak for herself and me, at lunch time, when Dad was in town working.
Where there's a will there's a way...

Well done Mum!!

[BibiBlocksberg]

kickassangel - that's interesting & has reminded me how, growing up i swore i would not perpetuate the 'housework is beneath men, they are the 'better' sex & therefore deserve the most food/best of everything' attitudes modelled in my home(s)

Then promptly turned into everything i disposed as soon as i entered living together/long term relationships, all the while asking myself 'why the hell am i sooo compelled to make his life a cakewalk while i'm running myself ragged'

Wises up now (again, thanks to MN) but it was so ingrained & still is in many ways as am surrounded by sexist dinosaurs at work & on a deep level actually believe that being female makes me worth less by default.

[kickassangel]

yep, all of that is how my family is/was bananas. My mum hated how her younger brother was treated, but then completely ran/runs the house around my father. He worked and she was a SAHM, so everything was justified because he worked (at a desk). Now it's justified because 'he's your father,' but I notice how her sons-in-law get all the extra food etc. and DSis and I get asked to tidy up after a meal.

Now, however, my mum struggles to walk (about to have a knee op. redone) and my Dad has taken on most of the housework. It is interesting to watch how things have changed, but he still gets the best/most food.

[Bananapanties]

"Gave"

[Bananapanties]

Awful.

Reminds me of my Grannie who always have the menfolk the best cuts of whatever meat was for lunch.

After pudding, if it was a dinner party, all the "ladies" would leave the dining room whilst the men smoked cigars and drank brandy.

Men were, in Grannie's opinion, more important and valuable than women. Her sons attended too public schools whilst her daughters went to a far inferior, local day school. My grandfather left most of his money to his sons whilst the girls were expected to marry "well".

It was sexism on every level.

I had a boyfriend whose parents held the same, misogynist views. The women prepared meals, cooked and cleared up whilst the men sat around doing nothing.

[2rebecca]

I can understand giving men more. That's because men need more calories than women (although not masses more). If I gave myself similar portions to my husband I'd be obese. he also gets through more calories than me in cycling.
I usually give children the pick of meat as they tend to be fussier and guests get their choice before hosts. I'd usually just dish it out fairly evenly otherwise asking people if they have a preference. if no-one wants drumsticks I'd remove the meat from them.
If it's red meat I ask people how they like it cooked and give edge pieces to the better done folk.
Giving tastiest bits to men and giving the women the remnants has nothing to do with calories and is just misogyny and not valuing women.
Next time you're round the inlaws pipe up "I'd like breast please" or whatever when she's asking the men. If she then says women don't get to choose you could say something about "oh I thought it was ladies first and I am a guest". It might make them think.

[Bogeyface]

A good point about power.

But its not just about economic power, until relatively recently it was not only considered socially acceptable but often advisable to give the old lady a slap or two if she stepped out of line. When you know that if he doesnt get the biggest and best meal you will probably get a beating, you will make sure he gets the biggest and the best.

For hundreds of years it was believed that it was legal for a man to beat his wife as long as he used a stick no thicker than his thumb. It wasnt strictly speaking legal, but was accepted as such by everyone including judges. You're going to give the whole bloody chicken if he wants it then aren't you? Especially as divorce was nigh on impossible.

[jeremyisahunt]

This thread is fascinating!

I'm a vegetarian, always have been. There's no 'best cut' of a butternut squash!

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

No - it sounds interesting, but definitely grim! I'll try to find it, though.

[stubbornstains]

jeanne Did you see that Channel 4 period drama called "The Mill", set in a Northern cotton mill in the 1830s? It focuses a lot on the girls and women, and is possibly the most miserable period drama I have ever come across.

(Good though, but fuck it's grim. When the main character loses her baby to starvation because they go on strike and she's not entitled to union strike pay because she's a woman...)

[MySordidCakeSecret]

ugh.. reading your op just gave me a hideous flashback from all the twats in my chidhood >shudders<

fuck them.. totall balls.

[UntilTheCowsComeHome]

DH's family are a bit like this. Luckily he isn't.

DH always cooks our roast on a Sunday and I carve the chicken and dish up the meat. He makes sure that I give myself and the DSs the best bits and he's happy to have whatever.

[SarfEast1cated]

I think the reason for the 'men eating first' has a direct relation to how much power women have a the time. If you can vote for yourself, earn your own money, have a bank account, get a mortgage (or credit), easily get a socially acceptable divorce you are less likely to let the menfolk get all the best bits. If you can't do any of the above, and basically have no security, then you would be much more likely to try to hang on to the male protector and keep them sweet.

[NettleTea]

i would say that the only time when this may be acceptable would be if the men had gone out and risked their lives hunting for the meat they brought home after 2 or 3 days hunting (though they would probably have already scoffed the liver and heart as soon as they killed it)

So, in the UK, we are talking a good 5000 years ago.