Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

Simple answer - casserole!

I pointed out to my Mum years ago that whenever my brother was home to visit he was offered a full English every morning and she would shop to make sure it was available and would cook it herself. When I was home, it was assumed I would find the cereal on top of the fridge and fend for myself. She was mortified when she realised what she was doing. She then started to offer me a full English, but I didn't want it. Now when the brother is home the stuff is in the fridge and he can cook it himself. She also used to give up her bed for him and sleep in the spare room, would give up her armchair and also the tv remote. I have been gently pointing these out too so she is standing up for herself so much more now. He recently asked if he could move in with her and she told him to no. She spent far too many years as the family skivvy and I am determined she is not going to fall back into that.

My Mum was like that, she even placed all food on the plate including gravy.

Everyone serves themselves here and of equal worth.

It did used to be a thing in my family too when I was a kid. Dad got the best and biggest bits of meat and we got the rest.

In my family I try to cater to preferences so yes H gets breast meat from a chicken, but so do I as I cant stand meat with bones. The kids love drumsticks and thighs so that works out well as there is a total of 4 pieces, so one each and eldest DD always wants the wings plus a bit of breast meat, so its perfect. However, if everyone wanted just breast meat then we would all get an equal sized (or age appropriate) bit and then a boney piece too.

I can understand him doing it out of habit, but to try and defend that position purely on the basis "Well I am a man!" would honestly cause a fucking MASSIVE row in this house. Not over stating that, I would be cunting apoplectic.

I've heard of this crap but wouldn't accept it.

We were quite lucky in our family with fowl, for e.g., as both my sister and I preferred the leg meat, and my brother and mum preferred the breast meat, and my Dad wasn't fussed either way but was quite a fan of the wings! so between the 5 of us, we always got what we preferred. I guess it could have been different if we'd all wanted the same part; but we'd probably have had to take turns over it, because that's the way Dad worked (and Mum too but she was more likely to give in to whoever shouted loudest).

In our house, the littlest one gets the best/tenderest cut of meat to ensure that he can and will eat it. Then Ds1, and DH and I get the rest. DH has been known to give himself the more tasty parts, but if I spot it, I just swap it off his plate!
We pretty much always serve food straight onto the plates, so there's no "helping yourself".

At Mum and Dad's, helping yourself only really happened on big extended family meals; otherwise it all just went onto the plates too. Less washing up that way!

And yes, if DH ever tried this crap on and gave "but I'm a man!" as an excuse, he'd be in so much shit! WHAT a load of old bollocks! (Literally!)

My family used to do that too, in the 80s. As far as I'm aware it doesn't happen now. But I wouldn't just go the route of cooking a joint of meat without 'best bits', I'd make a point of giving the best to the women.

However, the skin of the chicken is a whole other argument. In my mothers house, you get the skin that comes with whatever cut you get, in my house I get whatever I can pick off because I bought it, cooked it and served it, so everyone else can fuck off!

Chicken. Breast has no flavour, but OK cold in a sandwich next day, with a sprinkle of salt. But if more than 3 round table I tend to carve off the arms and legs, offer all their fair share of slices of breast, with skin? and ask if they want anything else, usually going round table in order of seating rather than sex/seniority/position in family. Thighs make the best curry, drumsticks great in a lunch box. I go last, usually get the wings (yummy) and a few bits hidden underneath, I think they are called the oysters and were favourite of Henry VIII. In NZ chicken fingers (nibbles) cost more per kilo than whole legs.

Beef. Small joint, dw likes the burnt bits on the end, next couple slices are for sandwiches, I take the couple slices nearest to centre, hopefully still a bit pink. And for a large table I love the drama of carving ribs of beef, but dw makes me cook that. I usually offer a "bone" but I think I have only ever had the offer taken up by men.

Pork. Crispy crackling shared fairly, guests get choice of piece, if I am left with a slightly soggy bit probably saves my ancient teeth.

Lamb. Shoulder, cut about 3/4 and against grain, offer slices to table and take what is left, fatty bits better cold in sandwiches. Leg, dw gets crispy end, I get the knuckle, and usually manage to steal the marrow while carving. I hate seeing full leg of lamb cut in slices along length of leg, your leftovers are pinky bits which are not so good the next day.

Fish. For two, fillet on my plate, give dw boneless bits, I enjoy the rest and the skin.

Turkey. Start carving while veg being put on table and guests being seated, into a warm dish and put breast one end, legs one side, wings other and stuffing at the other end. Let people choose themselves, if a big gathering dw does serving, "just breast, with stuffing? gets a slice and I continue continue carving until all are served and seconds that day are what is still in the dish, remains on the bone are preserved (from bil!) for Boxing Day.

Just be grateful you do not live in Zimbabwe.

Finally never been there but... Is it really true the senior guest gets given the sheep's eyes in some cultures?

At a barbie in my early years in Au., I heard women saying: "There's steak for the men." And no, it wasn't a special order. I walked straight over and helped myself. The faces.

I would never cook for him again. Bigoted twat. Disgusting. I had a boyfriend in my early twenties where this shit went on. Four brothers and the first time I got taken round for Sunday lunch by my BF- the second son- I was deposited in the kitchen with the mum, Nanna and maiden aunt to peel fucking spuds while the men had a beer and watched footie in the longue The men then got the better meat and bigger portions. I called them out on it and the Nanna said "oh you wouldn't understand dear, you only have sisters"!!!!!

That relationship didn't last long. He was a misogynst prick.

Curiously in fancy restaurants don't women get served first? That's always been my experience.

Has always been the case in my family (farming background). Basically, men working on farms are burning thousands of calories, so they need a lot of food. My father would never have taken anything someone else preferred (We're Irish - so there would be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing about who got what and who wanted what until my aunt (the cook) would TELL THEM what they were getting). In general terms, enough was cooked to feed all.

That's just totally old fashioned and the way XH's aged granny used to do it when she lived with us years ago. He used to get everything first, and the choicest cuts, always. Explains a lot about why he became the kind of person he is!

In our house now, there's a kind of unholy bunfight for food and if you snooze, you lose! (We like our food very much!)

In a similar note, when I cook for my in laws, they all start eating as soon as the first spoonful hits their plate. Don't even wait for a complete plateful themselves, let some for anyone else to be served. By the time I've finished sorting children's drinks etc, and actually sit to eat myself, they've usually finished. I am absolutely affronted by this every single time. Have asked them not to (not always politely) and they still do it grrrrrrr

My dad used to serve (my older brother did most of the cooking as that was his hobby). It was ladies first, left to right.
My dad was born in 1934.
I could not imagine him taking the best for himself - he'd have starved to feed the rest of us if it came to that.

namelessposter Why not dish up in the kitchen and simply place the plates in front of them?

I'd love to see my Grandad take the best bit of the meat after my gran stood and cooked a roast

I do tend to give DP more meat than me, but only because he likes it more than I do, he also thinks you're only supposed to eat breast meat from a whole chicken I like the dark meat and the scraggly bits and he looks at me funny

YANBU - my poor mum used to do this. 1970s, coalmining/steelwork town where men were working down the pit all day. Sundays were men at the local working mens pub and women home cooking the roast, then men off to bed for a well-earned nap whilst the women washed up. I am a bit when I think about it now.

It went on to the mid 80s at least until the pits started closing and my mum went out to work, got a little independence and decided not to be a doormat anymore. She regrets that my DB was brought up like this now he's such an entitled PITA who can't/won't do owt for himself. I am the opposite, funny how small examples set in childhood have such a lasting effect.

Combine sounds like we grew up in the same place. My SIL once told me that she was showing my nephew how to iron when my DB tried to stop her saying that he didn't need to learn since he would have a wife to do that one day.

My mum is not exactly a doormat either.

I came on to say what sanity said already, about there never being a time when the men 'worked' and the women didn't, justifying the 'men need more cos they're working' idea.

For much of history, women would have been pregnant or breastfeeding, and would have needed a heck of a lot of extra calories to do that on top of heavy manual labour they were doing.

Anyway. My wanker ex's family did this. We were talking before I'd been for a sit-down dinner at their house, and I piped up with the (equally snobby and crap) truism from my granny, that serving the men first was a thing less well-off people did. My granny came from what had been a fairly poor Welsh family and could be a right snob about observing the things that made you more middle-class, cos she'd married into the middle class. And this was one of her things.

I don't think it was what made wanker ex's family hate me, but it sure didn't help.

This didn't happen in my house growing up, but did in my best friend's house. Her dad was a short bank manager. I thought it was odd.

However, it's now like that in our house as I have a weight training hubby. Myself and the 3 small children eat one chicken breast and 2 drumsticks between us. My DH eats the rest of a large chicken. Never even enough left for a sarnie.

I get about 1/3 of a chicken breast and top up with roasties. I'd like more chicken but DH thinks I don't like it.

My MIL dished up meat for everyone apart from DS. When I asked she said he could have a bit of mine. I was breastfeeding and ravenous. DS was 3 at the time, underweight and in need of feeding up due to health issues and could easily eat an adult portion of meat. She then served up a big cream meringue that neither DS nor I could eat due to allergies.

I was and sent DH out to get food for us. It didn't happen again.

Thinking more MIL takes this to a different level altogether. Stretching enough for four to five or six. Counting food, debating how many potatoes each person will be allowed. Absolutely equal portions for all regardless of hunger. Mean and stingy and reinforced bad manners and grabbiness over food when her children left home and were free to help themselves.

She sucks the pleasure out of mealtimes, a time of shared community. "how many potatoes can we all have?" (As many as you are hungry for - say that to one of the SILs in the early days and they'd have taken 8 without thought) "there's less on my son's plate than yours" (that's because he'll go in for seconds) "there's food left, shall we eat I up" (after everyone has had seconds) (no, I'll plate and freeze that for DH for when he's in late one night next week).

It's extraordinary how someone so mean with food in her own home can be such a greedy pig elsewhere. I just think she has poor table manners.

I'm farming btw and there was none of this best food for the men business. Although my grandma always did a Wednesday lunch for the men. Thursday was pay day and it helped the families at the end of the week. Although there were a couple if families where it was agreed that wages were paid to the wives before work ended so before the pub opened so the wives had enough money for food.

Thinking about it, the elderly, adult guests, guests' kids, other adults, kids, hosts is how I would serve. I wouldn't consider gender.

Also, I wouldn't offer best bits/the bits you prefer to anyone. You get what you're given in a kind of 'what order I carved it in' manner.

I get about 1/3 of a chicken breast and top up with roasties. I'd like more chicken but DH thinks I don't like it.

If only there was a way to communicate this to him...

Why di the men let it happen? I can't imagine this going down well with the men in my family, they'd feel awkward surely?

Cabrhina - I really do struggle with that part of the meal! I have a problem with my eyes which gives me really bad depth perception. This means that i knock things over and slosh things everywhere a lot. My kitchen is also just one tiny worktop so trying to plate up food for 7 means balancing hot pans and plates in precarious positions and having to carry things back and forth the dining table.

I can take my time when I'm just doing the cooking but when you have to do everything quickly so the food doesn't get cold it's a disaster waiting to happen.