Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

[StarlingMurmuration]

My mum told me that when she and my dad were engaged, her mum used to call her into the kitchen after dinner, give her the biggest piece of cake on a plate, and say "That's for your man". My mum loved cake so she'd always say, "Sod that, I'm having this piece" much to my gran's dismay!

Mum and I always got the choicest bits of roasts etc, and served my dad and brother with what was left, because they weren't as fussy as us. Now I do the same with DP.

The first time I went for Sunday dinner at DP's parents, he explained that he and his dad and uncle usually went to the pub while the women prepared dinner. I explained that that would not be happened with us, and came to the pub too. At least MIL doesn't give the best bits to the men, but FIL never helps her to cook, or even to make sandwiches - he just sits there while she does it. Winds me up.

[stubbornstains]

For much of history, women would have been pregnant or breastfeeding, and would have needed a heck of a lot of extra calories to do that on top of heavy manual labour they were doing.

I wonder how many of the endless numbers of deaths in childbirth, both in the past, and continuing in developing countries even now, could have been avoided if expectant mothers were adequately nourished?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Hmm, I'm from Welsh mining stock. Women in our valley didn't really work out of the home once they were married; I was a child in the seventies and the only women I knew who worked were the handful who had proper career jobs or women who worked a couple of hours here and there for fun money. My grandmothers, born in the 1900s, certainly never had paid jobs.

Yes running a home was hard work, but nothing like doing a shift underground. My Grandad and Dad and uncles would eat mountains of food and they were all built like whippets. They were all pretty much asleep a lot of the time as well when they weren't working. They were all really worn out old men in their sixties. I imagine my office working DH will still be running marathons at that age.

[Chippednailvarnish]

I doubt there are any miners involved in this thread.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Well obv Chipped but I was just trying to give my view of why some women of my mother's generation behave as they do. Yes women worked hard, but in my personal observation, they didn't work as physically hard as the men. Just my take on it.

[MERLYPUSSEDOFF]

I sort of understand it.

The kids get pick of the chicken (it was always grand dad first then kids out of respect your elders thing), but I sway them towards having a bit of each part. Luckily they don't want the drumstick (even though we have only 2 kids) as OH's favorite part.

I've not let on about the oysters yet.

[Bogeyface]

But none of the arguments put forward by the men who expect to be served first have been "because I have done a 12 hour shift down a pit and am fucking starving" which would be more understandable (as long as the same rule would apply if the woman had done the harder work). The argument simply seems to be "I have a cock therefore I get the biggest and the best"

Not in my house you dont sunshine!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

No but my Mum, (who as I previously mentioned, only served up a full English to male members of my family) was raised in a mining household, and then married my miner Dad, who only stopped working underground when she was 45 or so. So old habits are pretty ingrained with her. Since I called her on the breakfast thing she's got a lot better. She does a lot of things which are unacceptable from an equality point of view, waits on the men hand and foot and expects me to do the same. I just try to raise my kids with different attitudes.

[Flossiesmummy]

This thread has made me crave roast chicken. Misses point

This crap is outdated though. In my house people are served the same unless they specifically ask for less. There will be enough for seconds and they will be offered to everyone.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

To be honest, if I'd had a brother, I imagine he would have turned out to be a right entitled dick. DH loves going to my Mum's and being treated like a Lord. He certainly doesn't get it in our house.

[BibiBlocksberg]

echt, was just coming on to share my 'sexist barbeque' story but you beat me to it :)

Hosted by ex DP's mega mysoginistic DF & DF neighbour & friend.

I remember laughing when told that 'ladies' had to have salmon and there was steak for the men only.

Did not go down well when i wouldn't let it drop and kept asking for steak.

Still enjoy the slapped arse face of the hosts whenever the event comes up in conversation and i pipe up with 'oh, you mean the sexist barbecue'

Men being served first and the best bits is something i also grew up with and was convinced (brainwashed) by until i found MN.

[RaspberryOverload]

Is it really true the senior guest gets given the sheep's eyes in some cultures?

Yes, I got this from someone from such a culture.

I read somewhere that during the 1920s, the mortality rate among young women was much higher than among young men in the Welsh Valleys, despite many of the young men working in dangerous jobs e.g. the collieries. The reason given was poor nutrition, because families felt they had to feed the working men well, the girls often went without. Poor nutrition meant many problems in childbirth as well.

Tinklylittlelaugh did you see this comment earlier? You said Yes women worked hard, but in my personal observation, they didn't work as physically hard as the men. but even if they didn't (and remember that a breasfeeding mother would have needed more calories) there was still an imbalance in the nutrition.

It's still sexist to me.

[Birdsgottafly]

""I wonder how many of the endless numbers of deaths in childbirth, both in the past, and continuing in developing countries even now, could have been avoided if expectant mothers were adequately nourished?""

A lot and research bears that out. The same with lactating problems and thus the Infant Mortality rate and some birth defects/long term health issues.

The cycle just goes on, as female children aren't fed as well as the boys and still get pregnant too young.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Raspberry. Well I'm not old enough to have been around in the 1920s. my personal observations were made in the 60s 70s and 80s. Certainly everyone got enough to eat then, although the men might have had more of the meat.

In the 1920s. Well yes, there was the depression, the General Strike. Many people starved and I imagine, as has been said earlier, the working man would be prioritised so that he could earn the money for everyone to eat. Horrible and harsh, but that's just how it was, a strategy to best ensure the survival of the family.

How some families behave now is an unescessary hangover from those times.

[amarmai]

noticed in some restaurants that men are given more meat/fish than women-same price being charged , so the women are subsidising the men.

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

Interestingly enough we are both from mining areas / families. Him northern, me South Wales valleys.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

I wonder how many of the endless numbers of deaths in childbirth, both in the past, and continuing in developing countries even now, could have been avoided if expectant mothers were adequately nourished?

I think quite a lot! I think for the babies, too.

People do work on skeletons, looking at what sorts of diets they had, and women's diets get pretty awful in industrialised England, because the women were working hard physical jobs but not being fed anything like as well as the men. Women went down the pits, too, until there was an outcry about it.

[fakenamefornow]

I did development studies at university and a remember a lecture relevant to this. A development agency working in an African village taught the village men agricultural technics that dramatically increased food production, in the years following this increase malnutrition rates also increased. In the past it was the women in the village that had been in charge of the vegetable gardens, the new technics were taught to the men and they had taken over this role. More food was produced but because the men were now also in charge of distribution, they were just eating more of it, leaving less for the women and children.

Amartya Sen famously wrote about this in the 1980s, feeding men and boys first has contributed to gender imbalance if supplies are short. www.wikigender.org/wiki/missing-women/

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

In northern England many women worked in the mills and factories and some women worked at the pit brow, though not generally underground (I think there were laws against it). That was different to the South Wales valleys though. Not many women worked out of the home.

My Grandad (born 1904) travelled to lots of different coalfields with the Union in the 20s and 30s. He thought Northern England was massively rough and underprivileged compared to South Wales. In Wales there was lots of (probably chapel driven) pressure to be respectable.

[georgetteheyersbonnet]

Tinkly the women might not have worked down the pit, but there is a huge body of research nowadays showing that poor female nutrition, particularly in pregnancy, has a direct and lasting impact on children's future health - the poorer the nutrition in utero and the lower the birth weight, the greater the direct correlation between future predisposition to heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and stroke in later life, amongst other things. The less well-nourished a woman is, both generally and in pregnancy, the more the uterine environment makes changes to the developing foetus that lead to longer-term health problems.

So the men might have been claiming extra calories for working hard down the pit, but ironically as a result they were almost certainly dooming their children to a much greater likelihood of poor health and early death.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Women did work outside the home in parts of South Wales, tinkly, but it's longer ago, before the laws came in. My family are from there.

[Abraid2]

In my family I get first choice. And then my daughter.

Ladies first.

[NettleTea]

i would say that the only time when this may be acceptable would be if the men had gone out and risked their lives hunting for the meat they brought home after 2 or 3 days hunting (though they would probably have already scoffed the liver and heart as soon as they killed it)

So, in the UK, we are talking a good 5000 years ago.

[SarfEast1cated]

I think the reason for the 'men eating first' has a direct relation to how much power women have a the time. If you can vote for yourself, earn your own money, have a bank account, get a mortgage (or credit), easily get a socially acceptable divorce you are less likely to let the menfolk get all the best bits. If you can't do any of the above, and basically have no security, then you would be much more likely to try to hang on to the male protector and keep them sweet.

[UntilTheCowsComeHome]

DH's family are a bit like this. Luckily he isn't.

DH always cooks our roast on a Sunday and I carve the chicken and dish up the meat. He makes sure that I give myself and the DSs the best bits and he's happy to have whatever.