Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I have never heard of this being done in the 21st century!

[rogueantimatter]

I know this isn't the point, but did they choose the breast meat? If so, please enjoy telling your DH that this is the least calorific part so he should eat the brown meat as he needs more calories.

Your DMIL is incredibly old-fashioned. I can understand the logic of her thinking (kind of) if your DS has a very physical job but oh dear.

[bananafish]

It is weird, isn't it. Odd generational throwback.

I remember my mother doing that with my father, brothers and any male guests.

I'm not bringing my boys up to expect to be served first...

[serin]

In our house DH is the only vegetarian. The rest of us eat whatever roast we fancy.

[TheSpottedZebra]

Serving senior lady first is surely as bad as serving men first?

I serve 'company' first, and probably go clockwise, but maybe I focus on anyone who has helped me cook or dish up, or who is a bit backwards in coming forwards, and would otherwise miss out.

[Naoko]

My family do this, which is at least explicable because it's a farming family who were for many years (into my own lifetime) very poor, so yes, the men who had to go out and do the manual work got more/better food. However these days none of us are poor, most of us don't do manual labour and also it's the 21st century.

I became aware I was doing this a few years ago and since then I've been consciously breaking the habit. DP, not being a dinosaur, remains baffled that it's something I even need to pay attention to, and just wants me to pick whichever bit of meat I fancy and he'll do the same.

Point being, of course it's wrong and not of this day and age (and your family are bonkers for objecting to it being nonsense now) but these are often the habits of generations, and that kind of thing can be hard to break. You need to have critically thought about it and come to the conclusion that it may have made sense once but does not now, and then you need to catch yourself doing it.

[CooPie10]

Yanbu, very weird . I would think guests choose first.

[DinosaursRoar]

Do you have DCs together? Have you been living together long? If not, then I'd be considering this a great big flapping red flag - this is a sign he believes woman are inferior, even if he does accept that he shouldn't feel this way, deep down, he doesn't consider woman to be equal.

(Also he's a crap host, you offer the best cuts to your guests -both male and female)

[tictactoad]

Ohhh. I'd forgotten 'you're the carcass'. Thanks for the reminder

Anyway, OP. Utter nobbery on OH's part. If he wanted the choice cuts here he'd be doing the cooking and earning them.

It's all stuck on a plate in this house and everyone helps themselves to what they fancy.

[EweAreHere]

No way. Absolutely not on.

I hope you didn't clean up post -dinner after that!

[ouryve]

That's a very old fashioned way of doing things, back from the days when money was tight and men needed the fuel for hard labour and women didn't get much say in anything.

You definitely were not being unreasonable to refused to entertain such attitudes from your ILs, any more.

If ever you do find yourself cooking for them, again, make something veggie. Let them fall over themselves to indulge "the men" on that one!

[Oldraver]

My MIL used to do this circa 1983.

"Ooh, I'll gi the men more as they need it"

What the one that was in bed till 12 then got a cooked by you bacon and eggs or the one you had to get up at 5.45 so he could have dinner. Obviously the woman who has been at work since 7am needs a birds rations. She also had the idea that children could "ave a bit of yours". Not be given a full meal themselves.

I had hoped these attitudes were long gone

[cdtaylornats]

Its a throwback to the days when men worked and it was manual labour. Back in the day if the man was the breadwinner that was literally true, no work = no money and starvation/homelessness. It was essential the workers would be fed and be healthy enough to go out to work. The order was always head of the house, working children, other children, mother, old folks.

Its just the way things were to keep any food on the table, the men got the meat because you need protein if you are working 12 hours in the pit.

[Oldraver]

I have to admit my Mum still gives my Dad first choice, usually all of a breast. She was Gobsmacked both my DS and OH asked for a leg which she see's as inferior always used to palm off on me

[icelollycraving]

You're the carcass brilliant reminder!
This was how I was brought up. My sisters & I don't do it but my mum still would.

[Katedotness1963]

That's the way my granny and mum thought. Men first, then kids, then the women. I'm ashamed that I actually thought my mum and granny really enjoyed picking at the chicken carcass and not knowing that it was what was left. The thinking being men did the most/hardest work, they needed the most/best food.
I never saw my grandfather lift a hand inside the house. No chores for him. It used to drive me mad when my granny was sweeping and he'd lift his feet, while reading the paper, and she cleaned round him.

[howabouthisone]

My family motto was guests first, family hold back. But with just family we share it out equally, DH gives me as much as he has but actually I'm thinking of eating a smaller portion than him as I'm putting more weight on.

[Adgefox]

If we have a roast my dh carves and makes sure everyone gets what they want as he asks them, guest ladies first, then guest men then him and myself last. The little ones get served first and he carves the meat the mums ask him for so the little ones are happy and sorted.

I prefer that dh and I are served last as I always panic that we wont have enough, which is daft as we always have plenty.

To make a point of serving men the bigger and best cuts before guests or ladies is just plain rude. If men feel they need more meat then they should wait to be invited to have seconds after everyone has been served.

Manners maketh man not meat!

[ImperialBlether]

It's so depressing that so many women are living with such selfish men.

[witsender]

Always the opposite here, senior lady first, then all ladies, then men with carver last. Kids normally done with the ladies so they don't starve and get fidgety.

[FifteenFortyNine]

My MIL thinks only men can serve the drinks around the table. Women can politely try to hint if their glass is empty but apparently she considers it the height of bad manners for a woman to pour a drink for herself around a dinner table. I've never heard of this 'best bits for men' though.

[Kidnapped]

PILs do this with all food.

MIL does all cooking and serving. FIL is served the best food, BIL next, DP next, BIL's wife, me and then MIL herself. If there are seconds of anything, then they will be offered strictly in the same order. If there is one piece of apple pie left, it will be offered to FIL who may then offer it to BIL. He would never offer it to anyone else. Genuinely wouldn't occur to him.

I'd like to say that this is not indicative of how they perceive the relative importance of family members, but it is sadly not true. Does not make for great family relations.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

My Mum once cooked a full English for my DH and my two sons and toast for me and my two daughters. When I challenged her she blustered that there wasn't enough for everyone. So share out what there is, or do toast all round then.

It kind of triggered lots of memories of being made to feel second class for me and I got into a bit of a rage about it.

[janethegirl2]

Next time you carve and give yourself and all the other women first choice wrt the animal being served. If you run out (I'm sure you can arrange that!) the men get no meat and only veg.

[MarthasHarbour]

Oh god wickedwax
My dad's side of the family always did this when I was a kid. I remember at Christmas/Easter, the men would go off to the pub while the women stayed at home and prepared the dinner. Then the men got the choice cuts of meat, waited on hand and foot, then went to relax in the lounge whilst the women cleared away and did the dishes.

You have just given me a flashback to my youth, this is how things were until circa 1997 when me, my sister and my cousin's DW decided to fuck that, and dragged my DM to the pub when the roast was in. Got my mother all in a flap it did but all us 'modern wimmin' insisted that everyone did a job and mucked in. All the 'men' were tasked with the washing up.

DM was a bit flummoxed by it all at first but has never looked back