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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

38 and 44 - are we too old for dc3? Honest answers pls!

111 replies

AlligatorPrudent · 14/02/2016 20:00

Before anyone asks me 'why are you asking strangers on the internet?', I'm not going to do anything rash! Grin. I guess I'm more or less looking for experiences of older parents.

Would you raise an eyebrow at us and our ages if you heard about us expecting dc3?

I'd love another! No guarantees I know but...

Do worry about the things that can go wrong and life is easy with 2.

OP posts:
Poppiesway · 14/02/2016 20:08

You'd be about average age around my area.. The oldest I've scanned is 46! (I'm a sonographer)

Jeanniejampots80 · 14/02/2016 20:09

Eh a lot of my friends are 36 having number 1..two are forty going for dc3. Def not too old

Claireshh · 14/02/2016 20:10

I'm 39 with two children (almost 7 and almost 5). I've had two miscarriages in the last 12 months and feel like I've missed the boat now. The age gap between my youngest and a new baby feels like it would be too big.

So for me it's not so much my age, it's more to do with the age gap. A part of me is always going to be sad I didn't have a third. X

budgiegirl · 14/02/2016 20:10

It depends on your energy levels! Only you can decide if you'd be wiling to take on the extra work, more sleepless nights, nappies etc. Dont worry what other people think!

If it helps, IMO You're definitely not too old, my friend had her first at 42, and she's not the oldest mum at the school gate.
That said, I had my last (third) at 36, which was fine, but I don't think personally I'd have wanted another past, say, 40. But that's just me.
But, no, I wouldn't raise an eyebrow.

1944dadhelp · 14/02/2016 20:12

Not at all! I was 38 with dd 3 and dh 41, no regrets at allx

winchester1 · 14/02/2016 20:13

Id say depends on your energy levels as well. We're 36/46 and are finding two under two bloody hard work with all the other life shit that needs to be fitted in.

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/02/2016 20:13

Well I just turned 37 and dh is 46 and we're not exactly 'being careful' (refuse to say we're actively trying though...) We thought we'd let fate decide, it will be dc2 if I get pregnant - ds is now 5.

MrsWembley · 14/02/2016 20:14

GrinGrinGrin

I didn't have my first until I was 39! Then DS came along two years later. I might have had another if we'd started five years earlier.

museumum · 14/02/2016 20:14

We had dc1 at about that. Maybe a year younger.
We were quite average in our group of mums.

lapsedorienteerer · 14/02/2016 20:15

Err, no. I was 40 and DH 44 when we had DS.

ghostyslovesheep · 14/02/2016 20:15

you are the age my ex and I where when we had DC3! so no you are not too old

0hCrepe · 14/02/2016 20:17

I'm 40 and pg with dc3. Dh is 45. My youngest is 9. Go for it!

Ginkypig · 14/02/2016 20:23

Well dp is on the upper end of that a bit above and he does not want more children ever.

He's already had his though and his youngest is 14 now.

My dad was about that age when he had his first and was a great dad although he is no longer with us I was only 21 when he died.

I'm not trying to put you off as he was only 64 when he died but it's another element to consider.

My advice is if you both want a child go for it.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 14/02/2016 20:28

Normal ages as far as I'm concerned. Wouldn't even think about your age.

WinterWinnie · 14/02/2016 20:31

YANBU...

I think that's fine...

I always said I would like all my children done by 40 (real max) :)

Battleshiphips2 · 14/02/2016 20:31

I'm 39 and I'm having my 2nd. Seems about an average age round here.

affogato · 14/02/2016 20:32

We have dc4 now - me 38 and DH is ten years older than me. So of course I tell you to go for it!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/02/2016 20:32

Too old for me, I'm afraid.

I was 36 with ds3, Dh 37. He's now 15 and We. Are. Knackered.

It's not the pregnancy, the baby, the toddler at early 40's, that's easy, it's everything afterwards.

sianihedgehog · 14/02/2016 20:34

My grandmother had all 4 after 40. I just had number 1 at 38. Don't be ridiculous.

gooseberryroolz · 14/02/2016 20:34

I feel tired just thinking about it (esp toddlers in your 40s and teens in your 50s -sounds worse somehow) but plenty of people do.

Of course having your first at 40ish is different from having your 5th at the same age. If you've been child-free all through your 20s and 30s hopefully you've banked some sleep Grin

How do you feel though? That's the most important thing.

SecretNameTime · 14/02/2016 20:38

If you have a DC then they could potentially still be living at home/needing support when your DH is 68'ish (assuming they go to Uni). I think that's quite old. I realise it works for lots of people but it is something that merits some thought.

People always seem more interested in the woman's age which is understandable but I think the mans age is very relevant too. Just because blokes can father DC when they are older doesn't mean it's a great idea.

loveandsmiles · 14/02/2016 20:39

I had DC 6 in August 2015 aged 47 and DH age 56. Would have another if it happens😄. What's meant to be will be.........good luck with whatever you decide xx

MadamDeathstare · 14/02/2016 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 14/02/2016 20:41

I had dd when I was 41, dh 44. I can't think why anyone would bat an eye at you.

hefzi · 14/02/2016 20:42

My DF was 41 when my youngest DB was born, and has always said quite clearly that he was too old for another child. It's even influenced my other DB to get married with the intention of not being the same age when he has children, so adamant is my DF that the issues with my youngest DB were caused by the fact he was too old and tired to parent effectively - DB had horrendous tantrums, ran away from school (once), got into shedloads of trouble as a teenager, was suspended from school (once), was thrown out of university (twice) and has finally, at 30, found a job. Personally, I think it's mainly that he was just a little shit Grin

You won't be the oldest parents out there by a long chalk - but be aware that it seems to take a lot more energy the older you get.

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