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Original poster

38 and 44 - are we too old for dc3? Honest answers pls!

111 replies

AlligatorPrudent · 14/02/2016 20:00

Before anyone asks me 'why are you asking strangers on the internet?', I'm not going to do anything rash! Grin. I guess I'm more or less looking for experiences of older parents.

Would you raise an eyebrow at us and our ages if you heard about us expecting dc3?

I'd love another! No guarantees I know but...

Do worry about the things that can go wrong and life is easy with 2.

OP posts:
gooseberryroolz · 14/02/2016 21:13

Yes, sorry. Obviously donor gametes if there are enough pgs in late 40s/ early 50s to constitute a trend. V day lunch champagne has obviously gone to my head Smile

sleepanywhere · 14/02/2016 21:15

I'm pregnant, third baby not counting MC, and I'm 38. DH is 36.

namechangedtoday15 · 14/02/2016 21:15

I do think you need to consider it carefully. I was 37 when I had DC3 but my husband is younger. We thought long and hard about it (actually made the decision at 35 but it took me 18 months to conceive).

If you're 38 now, it may take a while to conceive and then you've obviously got the pregnancy. You may well be coming up to 40 (and your H) 46 when you have DC3.

I agree with a pp that it's not a question of the baby or toddler years (for me anyway), it's later. You'll be 58 (and your H 64) even if they leave home at 18. There's the financial implications of having another (more maternity leave / gap in your career) and then supporting children at that age (and when you plan to retire).

The other consideration of course is what impact a baby with issues would have on your family. Unlikely of course but something you should think about.

But those are the "head" considerations. The "heart" considerations are an entirely different matter.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

shins · 14/02/2016 21:24

It's entirely personal. I was 38 when I had my third (24 and 35 with the other two) and it was the worst couple of years of my life, I nearly lost my mind from exhaustion, acquired a dodgy hip, put on two stone and just generally had a horrible time of it. He's great now (6 this year) but I def felt too old!

BestIsWest · 14/02/2016 21:27

Looking at it from the other end of the scale, I am 53 and DH is 59 and our youngest is 18. DC 3 never happened for us but I don't feel too old to have a 15 year old.

Yseulte · 14/02/2016 21:27

38/44 isn't too old for a first baby, particularly if you only have the one.

But for a third. Jesus. Good luck.

kvmum · 14/02/2016 21:30

I type this with 13 week DS, we are 42, have got a 7 year old DD as well. It has been harder physically this time but its more enjoyable. Do it, if you have the financial means, and want to....it is lovely. Also complete nonsense we are the generation creating 'older' parents - my Granny was 41 with her first, very common after the world wars for women to produce well in their 40's after men came home from war - it is normal! xx

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 14/02/2016 21:30

No not at all!

Jw35 · 14/02/2016 21:31

Nope! I'm 36 and expecting my third. Also got a huge age gap between dd1 and dd2 so don't think gaps matter either which a previous poster mentioned. Family size, age gaps and ages of parents is a personal thing. I don't think energy levels will be an issue either at 38 and 46!

skankingpiglet · 14/02/2016 21:32

DH was 42 when DD was born and will be 44 when the one currently baking arrives. We are definitely done after this one however with the reasons two is enough for us but also DH feels too old. If #2 hadn't happened so quickly I think he would've stuck at one. Also although paternal age is less of an issue that maternal, he's a worrier and it's a concern for him.
I'm younger so I can't say if I would be happy at either of the ages you give (you don't say which way round they are, which does make some difference I think), but I have several friends in their late 30's who are all currently trying for DC1.
And no, I wouldn't raise an eyebrow at it Smile

BYOSnowman · 14/02/2016 21:34

I would love another baby but it is the age gap with my existing two that worries me as a pp said

VocationalGoat · 14/02/2016 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluewombler2k · 14/02/2016 21:40

We had our second 3 months ago. Six year age gap between oldest ds and dd. I am 39 and DH is 46. No regrets. Go for it

HeadDreamer · 14/02/2016 21:40

I'm a month before my 40th birthday when DD2 was born. DH is 4 years older. Ofc I will say go for it!

Lightbulbon · 14/02/2016 21:46

I had my third mid 30s and I have felt a much greater physical strain.

I just don't have the energy levels of my early 20s.

I come in and crash-I don't have the stamina for lots of after school activities x3 with a baby in toe.

I would still like another though!

honeylulu · 14/02/2016 21:56

I had my youngest just a few days before my 40th birthday. Husband was 53. There is almost a decade between our kids which wasn't the plan (secondary infertility) but it's been amazing. I had my first child at 30 (planned) and felt too young, not ready, what have I done etc. By 40 i felt so ready and have loved just about every single minute. Plus I was so senior in my career that I didn't need to worry about money, promotions etc. I'd love to have more but given our ages (particularly husband's) and our agonising years of trying I will count my blessings.
I found it more rewarding and less tiring this time round. I just don't seem to need as much sleep and I'm a more relaxed person generally. It has certainly helped that our 10 year old had been great. (A baby and a toddler together might have been the death of me! )
I do worry about how old we'll be when or youngest is secondary school/university age, whether her dad will be around to walk her up the aisle etc. Also we have had no grandparent help this time either. In fact we've ended up as carers for my FIL, MIL is dead and my parents aren't up to long drives or much hands on childcare. Swings and roundabouts but .... my life has been so much happier for having our youngest. So I don't think you're to old, no!

TotalConfucius · 14/02/2016 22:09

When my friend gave birth to her youngest DD (now 18months) she was 42 and had dds of 17 and 16 and ds's of 11 and 8.
It has been really lovely seeing pictures of the baby with all her older siblings, and they adore the family's 'little surprise'. And my mate really benefitted from having a little army of helpers, even if they just played peekaboo while she put the washing on!

cornishglos · 14/02/2016 22:27

I hope not! I plan to have (more) dc at 38. I don't feel old. We're going to work till 70 and live to 100 anyway aren't we? We're just getting started!

Jelliebabe1 · 14/02/2016 23:00

Nope 1&2 at 41!

SusannahD · 14/02/2016 23:06

For me it's too old as I am knackered, but I wouldn't think anyone having a baby at that age was too old.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 14/02/2016 23:16

Do either of you smoke? A 44 year old on conception will be 62 or 63 when their child hits 18. That's a very achievable target in good health for a healthy non-smoker but obviously your odds look very different if you smoke or have other health risk factors.

springscoming · 14/02/2016 23:17

The age of the parents is fine but our DS3 is very sad about the age gap. He gets on very well with his brothers and hates it now they are away at uni and he is effectively an only. It's harder work for us too in that respect. I wish we hadn't left the 5 year gap.

SquidgeyMidgey · 14/02/2016 23:21

Depends on your health and energy levels. I'm a little younger than you but far too knackered for dc3 Blush

patienceisvirtuous · 14/02/2016 23:31

I've just turned 38 and have been trying for dc1 for two years now. God knows how old I'll be when/if our child/ren is/are born...

Couldn't give a stuff what people think of my age. It's down to individual circumstances innit?

Ellisander · 14/02/2016 23:46

Of course you are not too old. But (my word of warning), my third pregnancy aged 36 was pretty hard going. I had every complaint I'd had with the others (born when I was 30 and 32) but worse, and some extra ones - I was sore, and sick, and exhausted. DC3 was utterly and completely worth it though, but it wasn't the plain sailing, just a little bump sort of pregnancy I'd had at 29/30. On the plus side I am so much more relaxed as a parent now than I was with DCs 1 and 2, it took me until number 3 to feel that I knew what I was doing Smile.