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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

38 and 44 - are we too old for dc3? Honest answers pls!

111 replies

AlligatorPrudent · 14/02/2016 20:00

Before anyone asks me 'why are you asking strangers on the internet?', I'm not going to do anything rash! Grin. I guess I'm more or less looking for experiences of older parents.

Would you raise an eyebrow at us and our ages if you heard about us expecting dc3?

I'd love another! No guarantees I know but...

Do worry about the things that can go wrong and life is easy with 2.

OP posts:
getoffthattabletnow · 14/02/2016 23:52

I had twins at 40 and my last one - a surprise at 42.My first one was at 35.I think you become better and more laid back at parenting as you become older.My Dh is currenly 62.He has only been able really to cope with our eldest.The bulk of caring for the others has been down to me.Which is hard at times.It also means they are not as close to him as my eldest.

elliejjtiny · 14/02/2016 23:58

Go for it. You'd be old in my area though. I had ds2 at 25 and I'm one of the older mums in his class. I was the oldest by quite a few years on the antenatal ward when I had ds5 at 32. I'm now wondering where all the posters live where lots of mums have babies at 40 so I can move there and be a young mum 😉

Slutbucket · 15/02/2016 00:55

I had my second at 37 although it ended up being twins! Apparently after the age of 35 you are more likely to have twins...... Nobody told me this..... Ever.......

pilpiloni · 15/02/2016 00:55

Fertility rates of older women were much much higher in the past. But overall fertility was higher as well so older women were usually having higher order births. The fertility rates of older women were particularly low in the 70s and 80s as fertility declined so, yes, fertility of older women has increased since then but not if you look further back. What's unusual today is having first births in late 30s and early 40s but other than that nothing unusual for women in these ages to make babies

Alasalas · 15/02/2016 01:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifcatscouldtalk · 15/02/2016 01:12

It's such a personal choice. I know loads of people through the school/ my work that were late 30's & older having babies. Im mid 30s and def dont want another, plus husband older & is dead against going through teenage yrs at 60. It really isnt a one size fits all so i wish you all the best whatever you decide.Smile

LapsedPacifist · 15/02/2016 01:46

Loads of mates (including SIL) have had their DC at 38+ . I have a friend who had her her first DC at 42 and the second 11 months later at 43. And several friends who had more DC at 44+.

So no. YANBU!

Sighing · 15/02/2016 06:17

I'm 40 and 38 (+3) weeks pregnant. I am getting a lot of rude bastards comments about "a surprise at my age" etc. Ffs.
But. Personally. Life is good, we're excited, we have a busy and active life with 2 older DC (9 & 7).
This is dc 3 (for me) and dc1 for dh. Everyone elses opinion is very much background noise to me and it's the healthiest I've been since 30 (honestly). Go with your own view on your life, where it is now and where it might lead.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 15/02/2016 06:37

Well plenty of women do.

However im 39yo, my youngest is 15yo. I couldn't imagine having a baby now. And I couldn't imagine in 15 years time at 55yo having a stroppy teenager in the house!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/02/2016 06:47

I had Ds1 at 40, Ds2 at 45. It's worked out ok for me :)
Doesn't work out for everyone, but that's just the way things panned out for us (didn't even meet DH til I was nearly 36).

How old are your other 2 children? I think if you had them very early and there would be a huge (10+years) gap, then maybe not; but other than that, I can't see why not. And I'm only saying that because it can be like having 2 families, almost - a first pair, and then a singleton who is much younger - you might even be tempted for no. 4 as well! Grin

But really, if you want it, you're both in good health and can afford it, why not? Why worry about what other people think?

Pseudo341 · 15/02/2016 07:28

I had mine at 34 and 37, and it hadn't even occurred to me I was an older parent until the eldest went to school and I realized a lot of the other mums were in their twenties. I'd have happily gone for a third at 40 if I didn't need a wheelchair and my first two slept better. (DH wouldn't though!). I most certainly wouldn't bat an eyelid at you for having a third now.

Quoteunquote · 15/02/2016 08:33

Totally fine, good luck

BettyBooboid · 15/02/2016 08:44

I doubt anyone will bat an eyelid, if you're worried about judgement?
Plenty of people I know didn't have their first child until late thirties/early forties. Its pretty normal these days.

Its a personal choice for you - based on your health, energy levels, finances and future plans, really.

Personally? No. I'm 38. DCs are 11 and 7. I could imagine having another baby, sure. Babies are great Grin. I can't imagine having to go through the whole school years in my fifties, though. I'd be too knackered. And I don't think my career would take another knock.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/02/2016 09:44

Had dc3 recently at 38, textbook pregnancy, was doing walks of several miles up until the (overdue, induced, lightning-fast) birth. Coping well with the broken nights although I don't sleep well anyway so was used to it. My older two are quite a bit older (10 and 8), though - not sure I'd have coped with three close together even if I were younger.

MoonDuke · 15/02/2016 10:47

I wouldn't raise an eyebrow, no, nor would I judge anyone who chooses that. It's such a personal choice.

For me personally I wouldn't choose it, mainly for health reasons and the fact I have 2 terrible sleepers, and I couldn't face a 3rd.

squoosh · 15/02/2016 10:56

These days it's absolutely the norm.

CottonFrock · 15/02/2016 11:12

In middle-class areas, it's the norm. The midwife I used to see in north London when I was pregnant (for the first time at 40) said she saw more first time mothers over the age of 40 than under the age of 30 at one clinic in a prosperous area, whereas I was the age of the grandmothers-to-be who were accompanying their daughters to midwife appointments at her other clinic (less prosperous area).

I had my son at 40, conceived the first month of trying, had a very pleasant, straightforward pregnancy in which I felt well and energetic throughout, and life with a rambunctious three year old is great.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have him any earlier.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 15/02/2016 11:15

I had my first at 38 and my second two weeks before my 41st birthday. I found both pregnancies an absolute breeze and a doddle once the nausea had stopped. I also had plenty of energy to cope with them as babies and toddlers it all starts to go downhill once you hit your late 40s though.

tkndnv · 15/02/2016 11:26

Are you 38 or 44?

I think 38 isn't too old but 44 is...that's just my opinion though.

Kingfisherfree · 15/02/2016 11:33

I had my 3rd at 39. It took me 6 months to conceive. Like pp said I was absolutely knackered throughout my pregnancy and found the first 3 years really tough, things are getting better now but it was very hard and I have older dc who did help out a bit.

I love her to bits tho and don't regret having 3 - life's a journey and our life is better for having all 3!

forkhandles4candles · 15/02/2016 11:35

get out of town. We were waaay older than that! and we are not unusual in London.

Ludways · 15/02/2016 11:39

I was 38 when I had dc2, she's 10 now and so I've had plenty of interaction with the parents of her friends. I'm about average age amongst them, certainly not the oldest. Go for it.

namechangedtoday15 · 15/02/2016 11:41

I think you need to consider it from the potential child's point of view too - not just about whether its the norm, whether other people are way older or whatever.

Trickydecision · 15/02/2016 14:34

Have you considered what the possible third child would think?

You are the same ages that my DM and DF were when I was born. I believe I was a surprise.

My brothers were then 11 and 15. Because of the age gap, though very fond of me, they were never really much company so I was in some senses an only child. But I was not the prized posession that an only child would be so I missed out from both angles.

Our DPs were kind and loving, but I would not choose to have a similar family arrangement myself.

gandalf456 · 15/02/2016 14:56

I was 38 . Dh was 43 when we had ds. He's always he is too old but he's fitter than I am

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