Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H2B wants 8 days stag-do

258 replies

here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:36

H2B left the stag-do plans to his best man who has planned an 8 day trip to Las Vegas. I think this is ridiculous as it will have to be 9 days (possibly 10) as they need to stay overnight in London due to flight times. I think this is an absolute piss take, that's a holiday not a stag party and we have a three year old. I've tried to talk to him about it and his answer is he hasn't planned it so nothing can be done. Basically shut up he's going. I'm really really angry about it all to be honest. AIBU?

OP posts:
Theladyloriana · 14/02/2016 18:43

When my marriage broke down recently, a wise person suggested that if I wrote my true values down on a piece of paper, and he wrote his, with no conferring on pain of a lie detector test, upon comparison we would clearly see we had very different values.

What he said to me he valued, and what it actually transpired he valued have been two very separate things.

Your boyfriend has made his values very clear, and they do not seem to match yours.

If I had done that 8 years ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain, heartache and misery.

NorksAreMessy · 14/02/2016 18:51

What an interesting thread.
Money, gambling, sex, drugs, possible infidelity.
Is it all really worth it?

FelicityFunknickle · 14/02/2016 18:54

He can do as he pleases.
So can you. Tbh I would not marry a man who wanted to holiday away from his family. Especially a lads stag somewhere like Vegas. But that is not everyone's position. Only you know how you feel. If you are not ok with it you can tell him how you feel but obviously you can't stop him going. I would smell trouble for the future with this one. Sorry.

Cellardoor1 · 14/02/2016 18:55

hollowlegs I'd imagine most single men in vegas mainly drink and gamble. Probably go to strip clubs too which I wouldn't be comfortable with but doesnt necessarily mean cheating.

I'd be more worried about what they will get up to on the trip to Amsterdam tbh.

GinismyTonic · 14/02/2016 18:58

It seems to me that maybe the best man is using him to fund his own dream holidays under he guise of stag etc. Is he leaching? All other points aside that would be a concern of mine also.

Wheelerdeeler · 14/02/2016 19:08

I'd have an issue with them doing drugs for 5 days in Amsterdam. No way would I marry a druggie

hefzi · 14/02/2016 19:26

I don't think anyone should have to explain to their partner that a ten day stag do is an issue when there's a pre-school child in the mix! And I don't think OP should have expected that on this budget, it would turn into the equivalent of an annual holiday Hmm

They are clearly fortunate to be able to afford this, but that doesn't mean a total piss take is acceptable: what kind of idiot best man thinks ten days is acceptable ffs? That's a boys' holiday (and single boys at that) not a stag do - my DB went to a stag do in Vegas: he told the groom that he could only attend either that or the wedding, because of the staggering costs involved, and the groom chose the stag do. He found it mind numbingly boring, because he's not into strippers, gambling or paid-for sex - 5 days was too long. OK, maybe they are going to fly over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter or something - but still, 10 days is a ludicrously long stag do.

NotDavidTennant · 14/02/2016 19:33

Two things:

  • Even with an "unimaginable" amount of money if that cash is spunked away on £10k a time lads holidays it won't last forever.
  • Of course when someone wins a big amount of money he is going to say that he will do right by his partner and share the money, etc. Very few guys will want to be seen to do the dirty on the mother of their children just because he's come in to money. But once he starts to enjoy the fruits of his fortune, starts to realise what kind of lifestyle he and the lads can enjoy with the money and the attention from the opposite sex it will inevitably bring, will he be quite so keen to do right by "her indoors"? When it comes down to it, can you say that your DP is someone you trust?
Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 19:40

Yes I do trust him that if we split he would do right by me. There is no doubt about that in my mind. And I don't believe he would go out of his way to pay for sex etc. I do think he would go to strip clubs and while it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable as its sleazy etc I don't actually think that's a terrible thing to do on a stag do. Prostitutes are a different matter entirely. I do believe him about Amsterdam being about the drugs as well, I know his friends and they're all very laid back and I can't see any of them paying for sex - maybe I'm just very naive though

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2016 19:42

Why were you looking through his phone then ?

Proginoskes · 14/02/2016 19:45

here4help I'm American and all I can say is...wow. I'm in my forties, have been on many bachelorette parties, have known many guys who went on bachelor parties, and over a week in Las Vegas would be completely out of the question for anyone. The wildest bachelorette party I've been involved in was a pub crawl in Austin, TX (and I'll add we didn't have to travel there specifically for the "hen do" as we were all there for another reason anyway). I think the best man is on a serious pisstake here. If he comes up with anything about "that's how Americans do it" by all means, crack him in the head with a skillet for me.

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/02/2016 19:46

I'd make him aware that his friends might go on his stag do with miited spending money and assume he'll pay for them because he can.

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/02/2016 19:46

Sorry 'limited spending money'

JohnLuther · 14/02/2016 19:49

Yes you still haven't explained why you snooped.

Fairenuff · 14/02/2016 19:50

We all have different opinions and values

Yes. And you need to know what yours are.

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 19:58

I have spoken to him, after reading what everyone has said and he's told me he's spoken to the best man today and has told him it can't be any longer than 5 days. So it appears he did take on board what I was saying last night after all.

OP posts:
Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 19:58

That was some terrible use of punctuation, apologies for that!

OP posts:
Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 20:01

I can't explain to you why I snooped other than his phone was there while I was cooking dinner and I flicked through to see who he'd been texting. I wasn't looking for anything and I didn't find anything. I don't know what else to say other than it was a spur of the moment curiosity thing. If it was the other way around and he'd done it to me I'd think nothing of it either so that's why I obviously don't think it's a a big deal. I can understand why other people do but like I said we're all different.

OP posts:
hefzi · 14/02/2016 20:15

Good effort that he's listened to you, OP Smile He's been reasonable about this - and in all honesty, before he probably just wasn't actually thinking I hope you both have a wonderful time on your dos, and a long and happy future together Flowers

foragogogo · 14/02/2016 20:21

Do his mates have similar levels of spending money? Are they footballers. My take on this is that I can understand why you're annoyed but I thibk it was very naive to set a budget of 10k and not realise that that would be at least a one week holiday. We go away for 2 weeks as a family to Florida and the Indian ocean for that money! I think it would be quite hard to spend 10k on a weekend or long weekend unless there was going to be copious amounts of drugs.

diddl · 14/02/2016 20:25

Yes buteven if there's £10k budget, it doesn't all have to be spent!

Depending on accommodation & flights costs & how many he's paying for though, that could be a pretty good chunk!

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/02/2016 20:31

A mountain made out of a molehill

The poor man was getting tons of abuse and he didn't even know what the stag plans were

Now he does

Are you happy with 5 days?

When is your wedding day?

NameChange30 · 14/02/2016 20:34

Sounds like a good outcome OP. It was good that he listened to you and asked his best man to keep it to 5 days.

However, I do think your reaction reveals some bigger issues that you could do with thinking about and discussing with your partner. Do you trust each other? Do you want to continue having separate holidays with friends and/or holidays together? What are your attitudes to money - spending v saving? The money thing is going to be crucial especially as you now have lots of it! I would want to be investing/saving for my children to help them in the future eg with university and buying their first home. You and/or DP might not agree with me, but do you (broadly) agree with each other? Can you reach a compromise on the things you don't agree on? Please do think about that before you get married!

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 20:34

I just can't get why 5 days is OK but 10 isn't, if there's money and holiday time to spare. Just bizarre

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 20:34

Yes I think 5 days is fine, Las Vegas is so far away that any less than that wouldn't really be reasonable. I have bought it up a few times and gotten the same answer but I'm happy that he has said something to the best man finally.

The wedding is at the end of August.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread