...to hate the way that people talk about "passing"

[Squeegle]

It just seems so weird and, dare I say it, fake touchy feely. People now don't seem to say died, they refer to passing. As in, "My grandmother passed last year", or they have both passed now. Why can't people just say she died. I find it very odd, and don't understand when it all started. People would occasionally use "passed away", when I was growing up as a bit of a euphemism - but now it feels as if people are scared to say the word die. AIBU?

PitilessYank yes I did. Are your friends from Southern Africa?

Yes, Toast, they are!

I try and use whatever word I think people will want to hear but, personally, I don't like the word 'passing' and would prefer to say someone has died.

Saying someone 'passed away' sounds ok to me though. I don't know why that sounds ok but 'passing' doesn't.

My dd died aged 17 months, I like to think she has passed on to somewhere nice. I sit and talk to her in hope that she can hear me. If I didn't have that hope I couldn't go on. When you have hugged your dead toddler you have a very very very different outlook on things

I made sure that when my father died the death notice for the newspaper and the order of ervice for the funeral used the word "died" , can't stand "passed away" and I've noticed it used now for violent deaths and suicides where it is totally inappropriate. I also made sure there was no reference to a "brave fight" against cancer - no such thing.

Passing away to the next life.

I too think it depends on your experience with bereavement. In the natural order of things my grandparents and my mum have died. My 18 year old son died nearly two years ago. When I'm overwhelmed by anger I use died. When I'm trying to be gentle on myself I use passed away because the finality of the death of your child is horrendous and the dead word is impossible to comprehend at times.

Each to their own, whatever helps that person in their grief. If anyone tried to tell me how I refer to my own child I'd tell them to fuck off.

It is creating some unintended consequences though.

Tillie, Sugar and anyone else on this thread that has experienced the death of a loved one are right. It really doesn't matter and if it gives a tiny bit of comfort to use certain words then so be it.
It's actually quite insensitive to argue about the terminology when your world has been blown apart by someone's death.

I say that my grandfather died, but when I'm talking to someone about their deceased relative I generally say passed away

I much prefer it to "lost" because my first thought is always inappropriate humour (I NEVER say it though)

Usual I'm so sorry, we cross posted, I wasn't responding to your sister

As I said, I always treat bereaved relatives with respect and of course they can use whatever word they find most appropriate

I cant use that word for my grandparents and its been 4 years now! They passed away using the d word means it final.

V v common in the US to use 'euphemisms' for death. To say someone 'died' is presumed to be uncaring or indelicate if you were close to that person. It'd be OK to say to someone "Did you hear that Bill just died?" if Bill were an old schoolmate or coworker. But if Bill were a friend or relative you'd be look at as hard-hearted. Have no idea why, though. But it's ingrained enough in me that I still cannot comfortably say to others that my father is 'dead' although he's been gone (see?) 16 years.

When my mum called to let me know my grandad had died she said "Your Grandad is gone." I asked her "Gone where?".

Blown apart is a good way to describe it actually. I also hate these threads and should just hide the damn things.

ExConstance, why is 'passed' totally inappropriate when used in relation to a suicide? What word or phrase should be when speaking of a suicide?

It's better than "she lost her mum last year" - I always have to stop myself saying "careless!" No I would never dream of saying that - it just always goes through my mind. It's very hard to say "died" though.

Yabu does it really matter what people say when someones died?surely someone has died and thats the most important thing!

Why should it grate on me, or annoy me, or make me think something is twee/touchy feely if a person is telling me about the death of someone close to them? What sort of self absorbed knobhead focuses on the word rather than the information being given.