...to hate the way that people talk about "passing"

[Squeegle]

It just seems so weird and, dare I say it, fake touchy feely. People now don't seem to say died, they refer to passing. As in, "My grandmother passed last year", or they have both passed now. Why can't people just say she died. I find it very odd, and don't understand when it all started. People would occasionally use "passed away", when I was growing up as a bit of a euphemism - but now it feels as if people are scared to say the word die. AIBU?

My mum uses the phrase 'pop off' as in, when I pop off, when your gran popped off.... always sounds a bit strange to me but I suppose it's no better or worse than pass.

I agree with an earlier poster who said that the only one who should be able to dictate how the fact that someone has died is referred is the bereaved person.

I completely agree that no-one should dictate to a bereaved person how they refer to the fact that someone they love has died. I would also agree that, when talking to a bereaved person, you should follow their lead and use the terminology they prefer. But it's going too far to say that bereaved people can dictate to others what terminology they will use in all other circumstances.

No she didn't.

She says she thinks people are afraid to use died, but she doesn't say why she dislikes it that.

Same with you, broadly the same reasons? You don't care to elaborate yet you feel strongly about it.

You can't have a discussion of you're not quite sure what it's discussed.

Lots of other people offer various explantions early in the thread, Otilla. I don't like the euphemistic phrases because to me they suggest an refusal to face the reality of what has happened. I willingly concede, however that if they offer comfort to relatives left behind, they are welcome to refer to someone's death in whatever terms they wish. My objection, and I suspect the OPs (and quite a few others on here if you read the thread) is to the general adoption of these (in my opinion daft) euphemisms in radio and tv reports of the death of celebrities. I want the radio news to report that someone has died (if it is newsworthy), and that will do. I also don't wish to reach a stage where I feel constrained by contemporary mores to refer to the death of my own loved ones in such daft terms, simply because others have some odd objection to saying that someone died or is dead.

It's fairly obvious why some people don't like euphemisms, isn't it? They are almost certainly in essence people who prefer plain, unambiguous language. Do they really have to go into long explanations for that fact, any more than anyone has to explain why, say, they prefer a particular colour?

I completely agree with you, Gruntled. From the OP, I took this to be intended as a general discussion about how death is described in society as a whole - ie on the news, talking about strangers etc. Of course no-one should try to dictate to the bereaved about how they should describe their individual experience - that would be totally crass and cruel - but I don't think that was the OP's intention. This subject certainly merits discussion.

That was in reply to your post at 6.30.

Why do you feel under pressure to use language you're not comfortable with just because the media uses it?

I don't, I use my own brain and judgement. So should you, without denying anyone their choice.

Why are you bothered by someone's refusal to face reality? Does it impact on your life in any form?

In my experience strong hatred for something people do often comes form a desire to feel better than them.

I do think there's a place and time for all expressions we use for death. I'm not bothered by your choices, I do wonder why mine affect you so deeply.

You can refer to death in anyway you want wasinthelist but you are not affording that same courtesy to others. You have made it plain you don't like passed on. But to refer to it is mealy-mouthed speak and daft terms is patronising and rude in the extreme. This is precisely what those bereaved are talking about. Let people use the words that they are comfortable with. I don't dismiss your desire to use dead/died please don't dismiss my desire to use a variety of euphemisms when I talk about my son. Can you not see how upsetting your stance is?

Spent all day trying to compose what I felt about this and waonthelist has said it for me!

It's not about how an individual refers to their own terrible loss, which is their own business, but about the way we as a society are becoming afraid to mention death. And that may or may not influence people's personal choices.

I work with bereaved people

I will allow the client to lead me until I feel it's right that I can use the word died/dead. My training (for this agency) is not to use passed away, no longer here etc but I feel it's right to respect the clients choice of words for some it is too painful to say died/dead and also ignores some people's beliefs

minmooch Sorry my darling they don't get it. Sorry for your loss.

Oh I see, Otiila, you wanted me to elaborate about why I don't like passed on so you could then enumerate the many reasons I'm wrong - and yet it's me being patronising and superior?

I have an opinion about these euphemisms, you can map whatever suits your prejudices about my reasoning onto that if you like, and no doubt people wish to paint a picture of me being callous etc, but in reality, I just have a different view.

Minmooch I don't see where I was being discourteous.

Both of my parents, my god child and two very good friends are dead. I know it is a harsh word and that is why I use it. Their deaths were - and are - harsh and brutal and not remotely like a passing for me. I am very sorry if that is upsetting for anyone

' I want the radio news to report that someone has died (if it is newsworthy), and that will do. I also don't wish to reach a stage where I feel constrained by contemporary mores to refer to the death of my own loved ones in such daft terms, simply because others have some odd objection to saying that someone died or is dead.'

But it's okay for you to have your own objections. You want radios and media to do it your way. Yeah. I'd like for George Oborne to turn into a frog, too.

'Minmooch I don't see where I was being discourteous.'

You can't? For real? [palm hitting face]

You can't? For real? [palm hitting face]

No I can't. I certainly didn't intend any personal discourtesy. I have been as clear as I can, why is having a different opinion about something being derided as improper in some way?

My friend loves to talk about her son, who she says passed away at 7 months.

How nice for those of you who can sit around playing semantic snobbery. I should imagine she wouldn't give the smallest fuck what anyone else thinks.

What a fucking cheap thread.