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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 13/02/2016 19:15

She looks like a 'mad old woman' BECAUSE SHE BEHAVED LIKE ONE.

Well done op, enjoy Barca Wink

Cnmorgan13 · 13/02/2016 19:27

I wish there was more posts like this, when people call out the batshitcrazy relative instead of ignoring it. Grin

TwoLeftSocks · 13/02/2016 19:29

Barcelona's fab, you'd have a lovely time.

Would you be willing to suggest a family weekend on another occasion as a way of settling the water? Not that I'd rush it tbh, sounds like she's going to be going on about this for a bit.

ArmfulOfRoses · 13/02/2016 19:29

Barcelona is awesome!

If do cares what people think, he might want to let any siblings know exactly what happened before mil gets in there with her crying, although I suspect it's too late.

Gazelda · 13/02/2016 19:31

PLEASE make sure you send her a postcard from Barcelona!

HermioneWeasley · 13/02/2016 19:48

She sounds bonkers, well done OP. Enjoy Barcelona

Olddear · 13/02/2016 19:55

Barcelona is great! Go! You'll love it!

EweAreHere · 13/02/2016 20:01

Barcelona is lovely. Go! Enjoy!

And tell her you didn't lie and she is a mad old woman if she thought you were going to cover for her completely out of line, inappropriate behaviour.

RandomMess · 13/02/2016 20:01

Shock your MIL is certainly going to need some training to get the hang of respecting your rights to have a life without her interfering I think!

StrictlyMumDancing · 13/02/2016 20:08

Not to want to stand up for your MIL but if this isn't normal behaviour, I'd be seriously seriously worried about her mental health after that outburst.

diddl · 13/02/2016 21:05

What a ridiculous drama.

She only had to say to the other people that she had made a mistake!

Have fun in Barcelona!

TheSkiingGardener · 13/02/2016 21:12

So glad you talked to the owners and that they told your MIL what they thought.

Now, Barcelona is lovely, we managed to miss Las Ramblas when we first went which was very silly.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 13/02/2016 22:22

Barcelona's the dog's bollocks.

The lovely Mr Mercury wouldn't have written a song about it otherwise.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 13/02/2016 22:38

The woman is as mad as a balloon.

YoniMitchell · 13/02/2016 22:51

Good on you, your DH and the holiday let owners (eventually!).

Barcelona sounds super, book it and have a great time!

lavenderhoney · 13/02/2016 23:00

Oh dear. Thought as much tbh. The old matriarchy working again. dont key her get away with it by just meekly changing your plans. And the owners should have checked with you.

Anywa, be sure and enjoy your holiday and don't forget to call everyone else and say " it's sweet you wanted to join me and dh on our romantic break, and changed our plans (!). However we wanted a romantic break - actually, what were you thinking?"

And don't mention Barcelona (!) just say you've stil having a romantic break but obviously this time you won't be saying where or when.

TwoLeftSocks · 13/02/2016 23:13

No, definitely don't mention Barcelona. Maybe mistakenly say Oslo or something.

Littledafty · 13/02/2016 23:29

So glad you're not going to the 'family' do and pleasing yourselves.
My mil was like that, tried to control absolutely everything.
Hated the flat we lived in when I was pregnant with my first dc, became obsessed with us moving before the birth. All because she was embarrassed to say we were living in a small flat.
She came round one day all excited to say that her and my DH's godfather had been to look at a new build flat and she'd got the godfather to put a deposit down on it.
It was in an area of the city we didn't want to live in.
Cue the tears and how ungrateful we were and how godfather was going to lose money because we were being so selfish.
We refused to even go and look as we were so furious. We would never have chosen to live where she picked for us.
A year later we bought a new build where we wanted to live.
One day after work my DH has to stop in to see the agent at the showhome to pick up some paperwork for us.
He walked in and could hear his mothers voice upstairs slagging off absolutely everything to do with the house. She really couldn't help herself and had dragged half the family round with her to look at the house.
She was absolutely exhausting to deal with.

Notagainmun · 13/02/2016 23:30

Barcelona is wonderful, don't mention it to anyone. Hell, I would be so pleased for my DS and DIL to have a romantic break, I would never dream of gate crashing it.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 13/02/2016 23:30

"Gosh, they interpreted your behaviour as 'mad old woman', I wouldn't have gone that far. It was a bit strange, but not mad!" :o

Deflect deflect and passive aggressive :)

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2016 00:18

"MIL had called in tears, asking DP why he had lied to the owners and "made her look like a mad old woman","
Ooh, she's just setting herself up for the obvious reply isn't she? 'Well actually mum, you wouldn't look like a mad old woman if you hadn't lied to your friend. But you did.' And she must know that she did. TBH if she continues to claim that she didn't, I'd be suggesting a quick trip to her GP's memory clinic.

fatowl · 14/02/2016 00:32

My MIL has dementia now, but this is the sort of thing she used to do.
In fact, in the months running up to her diagnosis this type of behaviour got more extreme (along with the denials), I don't want to scare you or your DH but it might be worth a trip to the GP for a chat.

After you get back from Barcelona of course Grin

Tokelau · 14/02/2016 00:58

Go to Barcelona, and tell MIL and the rest of the family that you are off to Paris. Smile

icelollycraving · 14/02/2016 08:23

Good for you,I was sure you'd buckle. I love threads like this more than I should.

JolseBaby · 14/02/2016 09:17

I'd tell her you are going away for a weekend but not where. If she asks then respond with a cheery 'Well the last time we shared our plans you hijacked them, so we're keeping it quiet this time!' accompanied by a tinkly laugh and then a swift change of subject.