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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
cranberryx · 12/02/2016 16:27

I would use the refunded money book somewhere else. Do not tell MIL where you are going.

Text everyone involved, I would say:

^Regretfully, we will not able to attend this 'family' get together as it was originally planned as a romantic getaway. It was unfair for our trip to be hijacked from us, our deposit transferred and reservation cancelled without our say so. Therefore we will be going ahead with our trip, as planned.

Hopefully we will be able to go to the next one. Maybe next time, wait until we agree before changing our plans. ^

But then again, it all comes down to whether you want to make a stand as your MIL sounds bat shit, it could backfire.

Unnerved · 12/02/2016 16:27

I would let your DH deal with her. She is so selfish. Don't let her spoil your plans.

Ludways · 12/02/2016 16:29

I'd be fuming but I'd suck it up and just do it, making arrangements for a romantic getaway another time.... Which I'd tell them about after the trip.

MamaLazarou · 12/02/2016 16:30

How bloody rude! I wouldn't speak to the MIL at all, I would just get a refund (and tell the rental company EXACTLY what I thought of them changing your booking without informing you) and book somewhere else for your getaway. I would be absolutely fuming in your shoes.

Hope you still manage to have a lovely weekend away together. DO NOT let her guilt trip you ('it might be granny's last holiday' FFS!!!)

shovetheholly · 12/02/2016 16:32

Time to draw a line in the sand and make it clear you won't stand for behaviour like this. Take the money and go somewhere really romantic. Let DH handle your MIL, but make sure you email others to ensure that they know exactly what has happened and why you're doing this.

TheSnowFairy · 12/02/2016 16:33

This happened to us - booked and paid for 1st family holiday. MIL & FIL asked where and when we were going, then rang us a few days later having booked the same time and place.

However, the difference was there were children involved - in your situation I would cancel. Be prepared for this to not go well though, either you do and they're pissed off with you, or you don't and you could resent them.

ZiggyFartdust · 12/02/2016 16:34

If you go, she will do it again. And again, and worse! Don't validate the crazy by going along with this.

LazySusan11 · 12/02/2016 16:35

Next time don't tell her until after you've had your getaway. I'd be fuming.

IAmNotAMindReader · 12/02/2016 16:35

Get a refund.
Tell the company you originally booked with to refund you and not to do anything of this sort again (that's if you even use them again).

Tel MIL to do one and to stop being stupid about enjoying family time. That's a pathetic, guilt tripping, manipulative justification for riding roughshod over your boundaries and relationship (because stunts like that prove she thinks she should come before you in your husbands eyes)

Book somewhere else and relax.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 16:36

Get a refund and go elsewhere. Tell her you had other plans for that weekend, which she knew about full well as you had explained them to her - a romantic weekend together, alone. You'd be delighted to come on a family getaway at another time preplanned and mutually agreed.

Having said that, if she's usually lovely and just has moments when she thinks you are both still five, maybe let it go? I'd not allow that on the take-an-inch-she'll-move-to-miles policy, but if she is genuinely usually fab, and a great MIL on all other fronts, then I would sigh, explain it is not okay, but go along with it and book another weekend just the two of you. Because family drama is only ever worth it to prevent worse, iyswim.

Mypubesarestraight · 12/02/2016 16:37

Bloody hell OP! Tell her to fuck right off.

Mouseinahole · 12/02/2016 16:37

I'd put up with it this time but I'd insist on keeping the small place you have reserved so you have some private time too.

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:37

Suppose I could always just go along with it, and treat it like a dirty weekend regardless. Not sure how they'll feel about me and DP skinny dipping in the pool but then again maybe they shouldn't gatecrash?

OP posts:
ScandiManny · 12/02/2016 16:40

She's done what!? I'd be booking somewhere else.

BurningBridges · 12/02/2016 16:40

CowPat why would you even consider going along with it? She sounds spiteful and manipulative - does she have form? Or have things like this happened in the past and you have brushed them off - as it seems you are likely to do now?

KurriKurri · 12/02/2016 16:41

I think you should definitely go elsewhere - she's pinched your location but she shouldn't be allowed to pinch your romantic weekend.

My MIL had form for this type of thing - and I used to give into her and resent it like hell. Then I put my foot down and she ended up losing money - and she stopped it and learned to ask first.

OTheHugeManatee · 12/02/2016 16:41
Shock

Have they actually transferred your deposit to the other booking? And the owners of the holiday let allowed this without checking with you?

I would ask in no uncertain term for your deposit back and book yourselves a minibreak somewhere else. Tell your MIL you do care about family, you would love to see everyone, you are very happy to arrange something another time but this is really putting you both in a very difficult and unfair position and you need to back out

Chattymummyhere · 12/02/2016 16:42

I would get my refund and tell the owners exactly what had happened, they shouldn't be letting other people cancel your break anyway.

QueenArseClangers · 12/02/2016 16:43

Tell us what dates/budget you'd like and I'm sure MNers will be able to find a cheap getaway for the two of you instead.

IamTheWhoreofBabylon · 12/02/2016 16:44

I just wouldn't go on principle
Take the money and go somewhere else

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:45

Woah BurningBridges that was a joke! Feel free to jump to conclusions though dear.

Just pondering how she'd react to me swanning about in lingerie.

OP posts:
doceodocere · 12/02/2016 16:45

Don't go along with it, you'll only feel resentful and she'll feel vindicated in her unilateral decision to turn your romantic weekend into a family get together.

Politely assertive is the way to go, but it's your DH's job, not yours.

whois · 12/02/2016 16:46

OMG get a full refund and go the fuck somewhere else, and DP needs to tell his bat shit mother never to pull a stunt like that again and he is seriously fucked off with her.

MissFlight · 12/02/2016 16:47

Fuck that! Go book a nice hotel for a shagfest Wink

chillycurtains · 12/02/2016 16:48

Absolutely definitely get your full refund and go away somewhere else just the two of you. It's gonna be a crap holiday now with you both wishing they weren't there so there is no point in going with them just to keep the peace.