Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
BeeppityBeep · 16/02/2016 12:17

Wow, she's awful.

DSClarke · 16/02/2016 19:20

What's happening?!!!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 17/02/2016 11:06

Has your MIL (or any other family member) been in touch about the holiday yet???

CowPatRoberts · 20/02/2016 17:08

Sorry for not updating sooner, here goes.

After the fiasco with the owners, we took the refund and booked a weekend away to Barcelona, we haven't informed anyone other than work colleagues where we're off.

DP hasn't spoken to MIL since her (six) tearful voicemails and numerous Facebook messages. We had dinner with SIL last night who was down for work, and it seems everyone is furious with MIL- particularly HER MIL (DP's grandmother) who apparently loudly berated her at a family lunch. I think they're still going but no one is very happy so it's still up in the air.

SIL thinks we did the right thing and that seems to be the consensus with the wider family too. It's worth saying that SIL's own MIL is a PITA so she's rather envious I think, I'm hoping it helps her be more assertive with her own problems there.

Thanks for all that posted, I'm sure this isn't the last of it but fingers crossed!

OP posts:
Mysteryfla · 20/02/2016 17:21

Good news. Have a wonderful time in Barcelona.

CowPatRoberts · 20/02/2016 17:25

It's bizarre, I was speaking to a friend about how my mothers generation sometimes have issues with entitlement and the idea of a hierarchy- not all of course, but some. I think in part it comes from the fact that when THEY were younger, they had to respect their elders unconditionally even if they were wrong, so find it frustrating and perplexing when they now don't get that same privilege. Our generation are a lot more outspoken I think.

OP posts:
ShamefulPlaceMarker · 20/02/2016 17:33

Ooh, barcelona! :) Have fun!

hellsbellsmelons · 20/02/2016 17:45

So jealous. I love Barcelona.
Do the bus hop tours.
They are great. You can hop and off at all the tourist bits.
Olympic village is lovely.
So much wonderful architecture.
I must go again soon.
Enjoy. I've no doubt you will.

EweAreHere · 20/02/2016 17:51

I'm glad the extended family is sensible and firmly on your side.

Eventually you may even get a tearful apology if you keep stonewalling her tearful lies and excuses. ;)

MintyChops · 20/02/2016 18:37

It's great that everyone sees how unreasonable she was. Have a fantastic trip, do let us know if there is any more from your MIL

StrictlyMumDancing · 20/02/2016 18:40

Glad this hasn't had a massive fall out for your DP and the blame is being put firmly where it belongs. Enjoy Barcelona. But if it gets out you're still taking a break be sure to mention Venice or Copenhagen Wink

Chippednailvarnish · 20/02/2016 18:42

Make sure you send her a postcard!

DartmoorDoughnut · 20/02/2016 18:47

Sounds like it's all worked out ok, so glad you didn't just go along with it! Have a fab time in Barcelona!

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 20/02/2016 18:55

Ooh Chipped that's genius devilment!

zipzap · 20/02/2016 19:04

So glad to hear that everybody thinks that you are the ones in the right and MIL is the one that did wrong - with everybody thinking she is BU then hopefully it will really sink that she was BVVU and she won't try it again with anyone. And if your SIL is able to gain strength from your example to stand up to her own U MIL then that is also an added extra great bonus.

And have a fantastic time time in Barcelona or Copenhagen if MIL is reading this.

revealall · 20/02/2016 19:43

I know I'm the lone voice of dissent but I really don't get the whole "she's an interfering nightmare" vibe. I read it that OP and her partner don't live near Scotland and the rest do. Op's partner and his family use these apartments for family holidays. So when DP tells her you are both coming up to the apartments and will be visiting her.....well how is she supposed to guess you want a " romantic " break rather than just a getaway?

My thoughts is that she is thinking the bigger place with the pool will be a treat for visit.

I'd love to know the Op's thinking behind how those exact apartments in Scotland are the perfect place for a romantic getaway? Why not book Barcelona or Paris or anywhere in the first place. And why make plans to visit the MIL ?
Just odd really.

EweAreHere · 20/02/2016 19:58

Not a treat at all, revealall. She cancelled their reservation and booked a bigger place so more people could be squeezed into the bigger place. Without asking. And then lied about it and tried to bully them into going anyway.

MissingPanda · 20/02/2016 20:43

revealall you don't just invite yourself (and the rest of the family) on someone's holiday without at least asking if they're okay with it first. You certainly don't alter their booking and then apply emotional blackmail to get your own way either.

Ambroxide · 20/02/2016 21:44

Good for you. Enjoy Barcelona!

Fatmomma99 · 20/02/2016 23:21

I want to go to Barcelona!!!!!

grannytomine · 20/02/2016 23:25

Is she normally like this, I ask as I can sort of see how she has got into this mess. One child is going to a place the family likes and is coming to see her and she thinks of the times the family have all got together there and that leads to wouldn't it be nice if we all went and suddenly in her head it is obvious that everyone will love it and she doesn't stop to think.

Obviously is she is normally interfering and controlling I am being a bit generous. My late MIL would have invited herself along and talk of sex and walking around half dressed would have just given her the opportunity to ask the sort of inappropriate questions she did ask at times, usually in front of the kids and no I never answered her questions about our sex life. But I think she was mad.

Chippednailvarnish · 21/02/2016 09:23

well how is she supposed to guess you want a " romantic " break rather than just a getaway?

She isn't. She's supposed to mind her own bloody business and not take it upon herself to rearrange someone else's holiday plans.

marghini · 21/02/2016 09:45

This is the kind of stuff my controlling and self-centres MIL would totally do.

I know what a pan dealing with this is.

OP I really feel for you Thanks

EponasWildDaughter · 21/02/2016 11:09

well how is she supposed to guess you want a " romantic " break rather than just a getaway?

How is she supposed to know?

By asking.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 21/02/2016 21:47

well how is she supposed to guess you want a " romantic " break rather than just a getaway

Ehm, its f common sense.

Or it should be.