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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
springscoming · 14/02/2016 09:27

Loving that the advert at the top of the page has changed to a shaggers hotel Grin

Elledouble · 14/02/2016 09:53

Excellent Grin Sounds like you've handled that brilliantly, OP!

Enjoy Barcelona, my sister got engaged there...!

Ememem84 · 14/02/2016 09:55

Mil is trying to do this to us. Keeps asking dh if our holiday is sorted. He doesn't know (because he's letting me organise it) so has told her to speak to me.

She is desperate to join us and ruin it but I'm not giving anything away. Keeping things nice and vague. She knows we're planning on Italy. And knows we're planning on Florence Pisa Milan and Rome. So I know that she'll book flights soon. Im tempted to book our trip the other way round....

Hygge · 14/02/2016 10:39

I would love to know how the conversation went, and what MIL thought she was hearing.

If what was said was something like "We've been really busy at work and we need a break, just the two of us, so we've decided to book ourselves into that place near you for a few days, we'll call in and see you for an hour on the way back home."

Apparently what MIL heard was "We're really busy at work but we've booked ourselves a holiday. What would be really great would be if you phone your friend and cancel our plans so you can come with us, and bring the rest of the family too."

YouTheCat · 14/02/2016 10:44

Ememem, definitely do it the other way round. If possible change the dates too the following or previous week.

I've always fancied having a short break with my brothers and their wives but I'd never presume to just tag myself on to their holiday. If it ever happens it'll be planned that way with all parties knowing from the start.

Ememem84 · 14/02/2016 11:19

It'll be super easy for me to do as well. Mil doesn't Skype me. She only skypes dh and I'm not "allowed" to be on screen. Huge backstory here

So I'll be none the wiser when she's planning on booking or where except I listen from the other room

diddl · 14/02/2016 13:15

Sounds as if MIL already knows a lot about your plans, Ememem.

Ememem84 · 14/02/2016 13:16

Yeah. We stupidly told her the plan.... #idiots

Hissy · 14/02/2016 13:19

Em just say no... It's is that simple.

It's a trip she's not invited on because you want time alone. No offence, but that's that.

DinosaursRoar · 14/02/2016 18:20

book it the other way round!

Inertia · 14/02/2016 18:52

EmEm, if you actually are going to Italy, drop lots of hints about Norweigan fjord cruises. If you don't want someone to come along, don't say where you're actually going!

toastedbeagle · 14/02/2016 19:42

Def think you've done the right thing OP! Barcelona is wonderful!

ZenNudist · 14/02/2016 19:55

My MIL a bit like this but not so batshit.

Once turned up on our family holiday with FIL and BIL in tow. I was a bit 😨 but mainly just irritated that we had spent lots on our own holiday villa when we could have stayed for free in their massive one. We also made a point if bit telling then the next time we went on holiday!!

Best left to dh to deal with her dramas. Glad you set them straight!!

2rebecca · 14/02/2016 19:56

Just tell her your plans are vague and you don't want her to come along as want a romantic break. It sounds as though you've told her far too much already. Why did you tell her anything?

CowPatRoberts · 14/02/2016 20:51

No update really, been out walking the dogs all day and pointedly left our phones at home!

OP posts:
TheWatchersCouncil · 14/02/2016 21:01

Bloody hell!!! Shock

notonyurjellybellynelly · 14/02/2016 21:33

Way to go OP Smile

Leeds2 · 14/02/2016 22:11

Get those flights to Barcelona booked!

Ambroxide · 14/02/2016 23:39

Good for you, OP and DH. Lovely to see a thread where the husband is actually backing his wife up with a nightmare MIL!

Ememem84 · 15/02/2016 06:17

Good for you guys!!

DartmoorDoughnut · 15/02/2016 20:50

CowPat I can't help my nosiness, has MIL had any further crazy outbursts?!

Liara · 15/02/2016 20:55

Barcelona is lovely at this time of year.

Just saying...

OnlyLovers · 16/02/2016 11:10

Good for you, OP. She IS a mad old woman so I don't know what she was complaining about. Grin

And I'm glad the owners are contrite, but I still think they've been unprofessional about it.

Barcelona is a lovely town.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/02/2016 11:34

Barcelona is one of my favourite places.
Go there, it's so so nice.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 16/02/2016 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.