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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 22/02/2016 10:54

I'd love to know the Op's thinking behind how those exact apartments in Scotland are the perfect place for a romantic getaway? Why not book Barcelona or Paris or anywhere in the first place. And why make plans to visit the MIL ?
Just odd really.

That's not the MIL's business, or yours. People can choose a romantic getaway wherever the hell they like. And they can even choose to visit people en route if they wish. Hmm

I can't imagine anyone I know, upon hearing 'We're going to x place and we thought we'd pop in and visit you on the way', thinking it would be just the ticket to arrange for the whole family to piggyback on my holiday and not just come along with me, but change my booking too. If you think that's OK, reveal, you're the odd one IMO.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 22/02/2016 11:13

Oh I'd take beautiful Scotland over Paris any day of the week. Not the point I know but true!

OnlyLovers · 22/02/2016 11:15

I would too! Gorgeous countryside, log fires, starry skies...

OnlyLovers · 22/02/2016 11:16

DISCLAIMER I love Paris too, but more for a buzzy city break than romance.

CowPatRoberts · 22/02/2016 12:33

Revealall What a BIZARRE response, I was going to answer your questions but frankly I think you must be pulling my leg Grin

OP posts:
MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 22/02/2016 13:34

It really is DIL-bashing to suggest that OP is at fault for this whole thing because she and her DH were unreasonable enough to think they'd give up a couple of hours of their romantic break to visit the MIL.

zipzap · 22/02/2016 13:39

RevealAll - you're not the MIL are you?

If the OP said anything to the MIL about a weekend getaway with her dh along the lines of what she said in the OP then it's fairly obvious that they wanted a romantic getaway and they were just dropping in to say hi. If they'd wanted a family holiday, they'd have rung up mil and found out if she was free, if she was interested in having some guests to stay or if she/and others wanted to join in their trip too.

ComeonSummer1 · 22/02/2016 13:44

Wow I am a mil and that's disgraceful selfish behaviour.

I would be furious with the owners for cancelling your booking without asking you.

Get refund and go elsewhere.

PutDownThatLaptop · 22/02/2016 13:56

Reading this I have thoughts of the OP and her DH arriving in a lovely place in Barcelona, settling in to their room, meandering downstairs to the bar.....only to be confronted by MIL in the bar, shouting "SURPRIIIIIISE!!!!" Shock

DownstairsMixUp · 22/02/2016 14:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ComeonSummer1 · 22/02/2016 20:47

Mil (ie me) to my kids/dils/sils

You know you are all welcome here for Christmas but do what suits you. We are happy if you are happy.

Ditto holidays.

Ditto Sunday's/Mother's Day!

To be honest it would be nice for me and dh to have time to ourselves. Grin

Op she sounds crazy.

ElviraCondomine · 22/02/2016 21:36

My late mother would have sympathised with you OP.
My father's family all (three carloads) turned up on my parents' honeymoon as it was "on the way home" from the wedding

My mother was remarkably restrained.

gleekster · 22/02/2016 21:44

Yes, please don't tell them the name of your hotel in Barcelona - or tell them a hotel at the opposite end of where you will be!!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/02/2016 21:58

OP, I dare you to send her postcard of Barcelona and write "Wish you were here" on it. I dares ya!

Elvira, your mother must be a saint. I'd have gone totally batshit.

Catsize · 23/02/2016 07:36

Is MIL the carcass?

IamCarcass · 23/02/2016 09:02

Catsize Shhhhhh

Catsize · 23/02/2016 10:24
Grin
revealall · 23/02/2016 16:27

I can see why the Op was disappointed - her original holiday was spoils.

I still don't see that booking the apartment the regularly use to visit family and visiting and making plans with said family constitutes a romantic weekend away. It's not "common sense" to my way of thinking,sorry. Especially as Op says DH told MIL it was a romantic break was mentioned after the change in reservation so I was say miscommunication not interference.

I agree it's rude to change plans without getting consent. I can't imagine my parents and family coming on holiday with me. But then I have never been away with my parents since being a young child or DB or SIL ever.

To me they are one of those familes that holiday together generally ( and actually in those exact apartments) the owners of which both MIL and DH are friends with. So I pictured them as quite an informal friendly family? So again to me it just sounds like MIL mistook the situation.

Only lovers nobodies business until they are told about it. And invited themselves over ( as in Op and DH popping in to MIL). And it's not X place. It's the usual family holiday place.

revealall · 23/02/2016 16:30

Sorry for spelling errors written in a rush.

zipzap · 23/02/2016 16:34

Elvira when we went on our honeymoon, we had a couple of days in a hotel before setting off on a cruise. Got to the hotel, phone rang - was some family friends of mine who hadn't made it to the wedding but who lived quite near to the hotel (abroad) so they'd checked themselves into the hotel and thought they'd come and take us out for our first night as a treat...

DH was not a happy man but was likewise remarkably polite in the circumstances!

I'd forgotten carefully shutterered the memory away about that until you mentioned your story Grin

Anomite · 23/02/2016 16:47

Good for you! Have a great time..
Please do send MIL a postcard!!!Grin

OnlyLovers · 23/02/2016 17:07

I still don't see that booking the apartment the regularly use to visit family and visiting and making plans with said family constitutes a romantic weekend away. It's not "common sense" to my way of thinking,sorry.

It DOESN'T MATTER if it's not in line with your way of thinking! Hmm It's what the OP and her DP planned. And it doesn't really matter whether or not she knew it was intended as a romantic getaway; the important point is that it was a holiday planned by the OP, for the OP and her DP. At no point did anyone issue an invitation or even a suggestion to the MIL about her or anyone else being welcome.

Yes, the OP and DP invited themselves to pop in to visit en route. How does that lead to thinking that the whole holiday was now to be a big family shindig? Please explain the logic behind that to me because I'm not seeing it.

It's not a misunderstanding. The MIL changed the OP's booking, for heaven's sake. It wouldn't cross my mind, or any of my family's mind, to do such a thing.

She was also deliberately obstructive: she told the DP 'If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!' and she lied to the house owners about why OP/DP couldn't change the booking themselves.

Barking.

DinosaursRoar · 23/02/2016 17:56

revalall - I think you've misunderstood - as I read it, the family as a whole has used this holiday let or the other lets owned by the same people, but that it's not near PIL to be used as a base to see the DH'srevalall - I think you've misunderstood - as I read it, the family as a whole has used this holiday let or the other lets owned by the same people, but that it's not near PIL to be used as a base to see the DH's family, it's just they have to pass by PIL on the way so were going to call in and see them on the way there - it wasn't a trip to see family, it was a trip to X place, stopping off at PIL on the way as they had to pass PIL's and thought it would be nice.

The OP said that her DH's family have visited this place a lot, not that they have used it as a base for when visiting family.

DinosaursRoar · 23/02/2016 17:56

hmm, not sure what went wrong there!

DinosaursRoar · 23/02/2016 17:58

oh and if you do send MIL a postcard from Barcalona, please please find one that says "wish you were here!" on it...