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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

264 replies

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 12:59

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

OP posts:
MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 19:18

Some classes I daren't even turn my back for 3 seconds to write on the board because of what will go on
This.
Today I have confiscated compasses (point things) being used to stab another child, and a laser pointer that was being focussed on another child's glasses. If I had stepped out of the classroom for 30 seconds a child might have been seriously injured.
I willingly ace[t the rule that teacher stay in the classroom in lessons, and most kids accept the rule for themselves.
But according to some parents, entitled little darlings yuman rights are paramount, responsibilities - not so much.
Sheeesh.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 19:20

('Outstanding' school, by the way)

Fedup83 · 12/02/2016 19:20

That is disgusting and I feel upset on you and your son's behalf.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 19:29

MrsGuy I am not disagreeing with your responsibilities, but at the same time, surely one of those would be not forcing an 11 year old to wet himself in class because he had asked three times to go to the loo and been denied. And while we're talking responsibilities, I would think that included not walking away from the child sitting in soaking trousers so he had to find some way to avoid the utter humiliation on his own bat, too.

Atenco · 12/02/2016 19:36

I think the teacher was obviously wrong, but the worst thing is the locked toilets, that is madness.

But do I have a bit of sympathy for teachers as I worked for a short time as a supply teacher and ended up with half my class in the toilets because I didn't refuse anyone permission.

ollieplimsoles · 12/02/2016 19:39

Only read the op, going to read the whole thread in a mo but just had to say, if this was my son she would never work in a school in my town again...

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 19:40

12 not 11.
Not a good outcome, unfortunate situation, but why the baying of blood? 'Official' complaint?
Why not a chat with the boy about the rules and the reasons, and the wisdom of not drinking excessive quantities, and a polite email to the teacher saying the boy was distressed, rather than raising merry hell with the HoD/HT etc?
Like others, I see kids guzzling water (and trying to get away with other fizzy drinks if they can that irresponsible parents insist they need for energy) incessantly during lessons and then demanding the loo.

Youarentkiddingme · 12/02/2016 19:41

The thing that strikes me most is that in schools nowadays they teach responsibility etc. So the teacher followed what is likely school rules. Not the right decision in this case but probably did what she felt was right.

Then , when there was a consequence to her actions instead of facing up to them and acting appropriately she ignored it and sent a student in a vunerable state of into the jungle that is school lunch time.

If you are teaching students there is consequence to actions - often using a sanction policy - then this needs to be led by example.

seven201 · 12/02/2016 19:42

In the previous school I taught in the toilets were locked. We were only allowed to let kids out of hey had a medical pass, we had to sign heir planner then reception would give them the key to the disabled toilet. I had a girl wee herself in my lesson. Not my fault. I occasionally would sign the planner for a student without a medical pass and they just got sent back as reception had not let them have the key. I didn't agree with it at all. I also didn't enjoy cleaning up wee and washing out the girls tights during my break time. Someone once found a poo under the stairs. It was a 'naughty' school so I understand the idea but it just is not fair. It's not good for you to be holding wee when you need to go. Just be aware that although the teacher said no it might be that it's because of management gone mad.

bloodynoris · 12/02/2016 19:44

Teacher was totally bu. I suffer from Crohn's disease when I was in school a few years back no though we had pretty much the same thing no key unless you had a note. Well one day I was really ill and already been to the toilet in break a good 3/4 times. Now my teacher knee my medical condition but wouldn't back down. I was a goody goody at school and would never answer back or do something I wasn't allowed so ended up in quite a lot of pain I then thought that I had passed wind when in fact I had gone a toilet in my bottoms. Everyone smelt it and only 1 or 2 people shouted out who's that? That smells my teacher knee what had happened and just said pack your things up and go to a toilet then go straight to next lesson. After the toilet to clean up I found the nicest teacher who called my dad to pick me up. My parents much such a big complaint I wasn't allowed back in her lesson after that so had to change classes to avoid her and not distrupe my other classes. Definitely make sure the school knows this is not acceptable. I really feel for your son and hope his not to embrassed after the weekend.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 19:51

If you have medical condition, you have a (discreet) note in the planner and are of course allowed to go.
Otherwise you follow the same rules as everyone else.

RosePoppyJasmine · 12/02/2016 19:52

otherwise you have to take a piss/shit in your own pants!

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 19:53

MrsGuy you have failed to answer the question: do you think it appropriate for a responsible adult to abandon a wet 12 year old in a secondary school to sort himself out, when she knew he had had that accident in her class, after asking three times to go?

Her failure to help him at that stage is very much deserving of action IMO. Prior to that, it was bad management (three times?!). At that stage, it becomes more serious IMO. You think he should be walking the halls in that state in an environment such as you describe? And that is responsible?

cansu · 12/02/2016 19:54

This really isn't difficult to manage as a teacher. If your student is messing around, I would much rather them have five mins out than wet themselves. Usually I say can you wait a few minutes, ask me again if you can't wait. If they ask again I know they need to go. its a respect issue. Why would you want a student so uncomfortable that they were desperate to go to the loo? I would phone the school if only to make the point that the teachers need to operate some common sense.

PerspicaciaTick · 12/02/2016 19:55

I think that taking children who are at a "naughty" school and treating them like feral animals to piss and shit wherever they can find a hidden corner or in a classroom of their peers, is unlikely to improve behaviour.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 19:56

Today I have confiscated compasses (point things) being used to stab another child, and a laser pointer that was being focussed on another child's glasses. If I had stepped out of the classroom for 30 seconds a child might have been seriously injured.

Yet you can't fathom why he shouldn't have been shooed out into the corridor to walk to the bathroom alone, with other kids potentially seeing him in that state and years ahead of him for them to remember it, in trousers wet enough that she could see them as soon as she approached the sitting, weeping child? And you can't imagine why anyone is thinking of a formal complaint?

Are you for real?

Mooey89 · 12/02/2016 20:00

Teacher was totally neglectful in her duty of care IMO.

I understand the points about making judgement calls etc, but when she realised she'd made a monumental error, she should have acted like the grown up she is, with the duty of care that she has, and sorted out the CHILD in her care.

Mad on your DS's behalf, OP, can you tell?!

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 20:00

All those parents demanding the teacher's thread on a plate for this - be careful what you wish for - maybe you'll get her sacked, and good on you for that, you can brag about it at the school gates. And you'll get even more teachers resigning, and a succession of supply teachers and worse behaviour and results, and then you can bleat about that instead...

pieceofpurplesky · 12/02/2016 20:02

Like a pp we get daily emails from slt telling us not to let pupils out. To be fair I see their point as someone shit in the floor last week ... However our toilets are not locked and although I say no first time when a child asks twice I give them the option of going and making the time up at break or waiting ... Sorts out those with a genuine need and those that want to text their mates! I never keep them for more than a minute either and in that time explain why I run this system - pupils always happy with it

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/02/2016 20:02

head on a plate

Mooey89 · 12/02/2016 20:02

myguy

Just because teacher have a difficult job, and work long hours, and get shit pay, doesn't mean that they shouldn't also be accountable when they fuck up.

RosePoppyJasmine · 12/02/2016 20:02

MrsGuy how would you have resolved it? With the child you knew who had just wet themselves?

RozTheSchnoz · 12/02/2016 20:03

I'm a teacher and we're not supposed to let children out to the toilet during lessons; I would've let your son out. Ridiculous.

Almostfifty · 12/02/2016 20:05

Oh dear, your poor DS.

I remember realising my period had started one history period. I asked the teacher if I could run to the toilet and ended up missing most of the class, due to getting the runs at the same time. If she'd said no, I'd never have lasted through the entire hour and ten minutes class.

I imagine the teacher has been taught a lesson, but am sorry it's your DC that's had to go through the trauma of teacher her that lesson. I hope none of the other children realised what had happened.

blublutoo · 12/02/2016 20:06

Awful awful awful. I would not be happy. I'm an adult who has a weak bladder. I would say I need to go on average more than a normal person. Her actions when she realised are what have annoyed me the most. Gosh, why are schools treating children like this? I think you can tell when somebody needs to actually go! We are not treated like this in the adult world. I can go whenever I need to. I hope your ds is ok!